Fighting Cancer as a New Mum | Aaron's Story of Hope and Healing

Welcome to Episode 25 of Touched Out! A Mental Health Podcast for Parents

In this episode, we have the privilege of hearing Aaron from Saskatchewan share her courageous journey of battling breast cancer while embracing the joys of new motherhood. Her story is an inspiring testament to the resilience of the human spirit, weaving together the raw realities of fertility issues, cancer treatment during pregnancy, and the delicate dance of parenting through health crises.

Aaron's Courageous Battle with Cancer

Aaron’s story begins with a challenging diagnosis: breast cancer during her pregnancy. Despite facing one of life's most daunting battles, Aaron's narrative is filled with hope and resilience. She shares her experiences navigating the complex world of cancer treatment while preparing to welcome new life, embodying the essence of strength and positivity.

Fertility Issues and Cancer Treatment During Pregnancy

• The impact of cancer treatment on fertility and the difficult decisions faced by patients.
• How Aaron managed her treatment while pregnant, illustrating the delicate balance of protecting her own health and that of her unborn child.

Parenting Through Health Crises

• The challenges and triumphs of parenting while undergoing cancer treatment.
• Aaron’s approach to balancing the demands of motherhood with the physical and emotional toll of battling cancer.

Unwavering Positivity and Mental Resilience

• Aaron’s vibrant positivity and mental resilience in the face of her diagnosis.
• The coping mechanisms and support systems that helped her maintain a positive outlook throughout her journey.

The Power of the Cancer Community

• Celebrating the strength found within cancer support groups and survivor communities.
• The role of survivor dragon boating teams in Aaron’s recovery and the emotional support they provide.

Emotional Impact and Life Beyond Remission

• The lingering emotional effects of cancer treatment and remission.
• How Aaron and others find strength and healing through shared experiences and community support.

Intimate Struggles and Family Dynamics

• The personal challenges Aaron faced, including breastfeeding during chemotherapy and managing treatment schedules with family life.
• Her upcoming nuptials add a joyful layer to

Chapters

• 0:01 Surviving Breast Cancer and Parenthood
• 14:02 Surviving Cancer Battles With Positivity
• 17:43 Surviving Triple Negative Breast Cancer
• 28:34 Navigating Cancer Treatment
• 35:34 Challenges of Breastfeeding and Parenting
• 40:43 Balancing Chaos With Support and Strength
• 44:57 Returning to Work and Wedding Plans
• 54:57 Supporting Cancer Survivors in the Community

Transcript

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We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of this land. We pay our respects to the elders past, present and emerging. For they hold the memories, the traditions and the culture of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people across the nation.

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Warning, this podcast contains explicit language and discusses sensitive topics related to mental health, childhood trauma, birth trauma, abuse, miscarriage and suicide. Listener discretion is advised. If you find these subjects distressing or triggering, we recommend taking caution and considering whether to proceed with listening. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional or a trusted individual for support. Your wellbeing is our priority.

On today's episode, my guest Aaron discusses the rough terrains of fertility battles, the sweetness of new life, and the shadow of a breast cancer diagnosis. Aaron's vulnerability in recounting the trials of chemotherapy and surgeries while embracing new motherhood with her son Damien exemplifies human resilience. We're not just discussing illness here, we're celebrating the power of hope and the strength found in the love of a family.

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So take a

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have Erin from Saskatchewan, Canada. Is that right? Yes, Ed, you said it perfectly. I've been practicing. Thank you for joining me today. So you've got one baby, which is he. Yes, his name is Damien and he turns six or sorry, I keep saying 16 months. He turns 18 months in like two weeks. Awesome. Yes. So he's almost two and

Yeah, beautiful. Tell me a little bit about yourself and your family and your history. my gosh. Where do I even start? Well, my partner and I actually, we just got engaged. So that's new. Congratulations. I did see that. Thank you. Thank you. We have been together for say, it'll be six years this month. And, but we've known each other for like 15 years. So we've known each other for a long time, but yeah, we started

actually seriously dating about six years ago. then a couple of years into that, we decided that we wanted to try and have a baby. So we kind of started our whole like fertility journey and ended up having our son Damien who is now almost 18 months. And yeah, I guess like the whole fertility journey is a bit of a story on its own. It took

like two years to get pregnant, which like in the grand scheme of things, I know is not like that that long compared to what some people experience. But we did experience three miscarriages before we had our son. And then once we finally got pregnant with our son, right around, it was actually the day after my 20 week. I'm not sure like if things are different like in Australia, but we always do like a 20 week anatomy scan. So

I was having like numerous ultrasounds. I was going for ultrasounds. I think I was doing them like once every couple of weeks because I had the history of miscarriages. So everything was good there. And then the day after I went for my 20 week anatomy scan, I had to go for an ultrasound like for myself. And then that's when we found out that I had breast cancer. So yeah, I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I

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about 20, I was like officially diagnosed at 22 weeks pregnant. So that is where the journey began for me. That was in September, no, sorry, October of 2021. So we're now almost two years out. I've since done a couple different rounds of treatment. I've had two surgeries, obvious, well, I guess three surgeries, if you count my C -section like for my son and

I'm finally like currently on the like positive end of things where things are going well for me right now. I'm like responding really well to treatment and I've had two, I go for scans every three months and I've my last two scans were clear. So my oncologist actually just said to me like a few weeks ago, she's like, I can officially say that you have had a complete response to treatment. So that's where things are at now.

And I'm actually also now like thinking about going back to work sometime like in the next month or two. So that's like a big, big step for me. And also like very emotional because during this journey, like there, there's been a lot of ups and downs, like with my cancer journey. And there was a point where I like, you know, wasn't sure if I'd ever get to go back to work. So it's exciting for me. Yeah, certainly exciting. So you, you're currently in remission or are you completely in the clear?

I in the oncology world, or the medicine world, they never want to use the words remission or cancer -free. I don't know why, but when I first started this journey, I've heard from a lot of people that once you've gone after being diagnosed, once you've gone five years with no cancer showing up on any scans or anything like that, then you're deemed

cancer free. But before that, they don't really like to say that. But technically, I am in remission now because I've had two clear scans and all my tests look really good. However, I am still on treatment because I have stage four breast cancer. So the treatment that I'm on, I'll probably be on it indefinitely. there's as long as I continue to respond well to it and I don't have any like crazy side effects, which

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Like I actually have like zero side effects with this treatment, which is amazing. So as long as that continues to go really well, then I could potentially be on this treatment, like lifelong. And so you said that you had some surgery, so double mastectomy, I'm guessing. Yes. Yeah. So, I mean, my first surgery was obviously like my C -section to have my son and then they gave me, so I had him in January of 2022.

And then I had to, started chemo while I was pregnant. So I did chemo and then I had a little bit of a break, had my son, had a little bit of a break again and then did like hardcore chemo for 12 solid weeks. And then I had another short break and then I had my first surgery, which was a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. So that's basically just where they go in, they remove everything and then they replace it with implants.

So that was a major, major surgery. The recovery for that was really intense, but like my fiance was incredibly helpful, obviously. And I had found, we had family come and stay with us to help out too. Cause I think at the time, like, so it was, I had my first surgery in July. So last a year ago, actually, my gosh, what's the date today? Today is the sixth. Okay. It's the fifth here in Canada. So today is my one year anniversary for my first surgery.

Awesome. I know I had my first surgery a year ago today. So that surgery like it went well and I recovered well but it was really tough. And then in so they sent me for scans in August afterwards just to make sure you know that they like that they got everything and my scans looked good. However, there was

like a very, very small lymph node left. My cancer side is my right side. So there was a very, very small size lymph node that they could see on the scan. And my doctors at the time were like, let's just go in and get it out. Another surgery is maybe not ideal right now, but we'd rather get it out than leave it in there and wait to see what happens kind of thing, especially because I had just finished some really intense chemo.

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Anyways, so I went in for a second surgery and that day was so wild because it was supposed to be this like really quick, really like low key surgery compared to what I've already experienced. They weren't even like fully sedating me like when they like, so I was completely I was out like I don't remember anything. But when you get like full sedation, that's when you have like a breathing tube in, you

So I didn't have the breathing tube because they kind of, don't know how it works, but they just put you out like just enough that you can still breathe on your own. Yeah, you can still breathe on your own, but also enough that you like don't know what's going on. So that's what they did for me. There, my doctor was like, it's only gonna, or my surgeon was like, it's only going to be about half an hour in and out. No, it's like, there were some pretty big complications and they ended up being in there for like, I can't remember, but it was several hours.

So like my fiance was waiting and obviously freaking out, not knowing what's going on. Everything ended up, I was fine. Everything ended up being fine. But basically like long story short, I guess, when you're having like a lymph node or something removed, like regarding cancer, before you had your surgery, they put a very, very small like guide wire in and

it basically like attaches to the lymph node or whatever it is that they're going in to remove. So they do an ultrasound while they have the ultrasound on, they stick this wire in to put it exactly where it needs to go so that when the surgeon goes in, they know exactly where they're going. They just follow the wire, cut out the lymph node or whatever it is that they're removing and that should be it. But the wire, like the radiologist who put the wire in, I don't know if she didn't do it properly or what happened,

It basically got lost in my body. stay with us. We'll be

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We are proud to announce our children's book, Girls Can Wear Pants Too is up for pre -order. Head to the podcast Instagram and hit the bio link to sign up for pre -order today.

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surgeon had to go in and dig around everywhere, try and find this wire, also try and remove the inflamed lymph node. So I think when it was all said and done, she ended up having to remove like 13 lymph nodes. Instead of just taking the one she had to take numerous just to make sure that she got it. that kind of was unfortunate. But in the end, everything worked out fine. And I've recovered from that really well.

and then also that morning we had to be at the hospital, I think at like 6am. We woke up that morning and my fiance had like a super high fever. We got up at about five and at the time we were, know, like COVID protocols were still in and we were still having to like do home testing with you ever were like feeling sick or had a fever. So we tested him and he tested positive for COVID. So

that was already like really unfortunate for me because he was supposed to be like my person to be at the hospital with me all day. So he obviously couldn't come. So I went, I called the hospital. They told me to still come because I was testing negative. So they were like, still come, but you have to come alone and we're going to isolate you. So I got there. They literally put me in a bubble. This is at like probably six thirty in the morning, put me in a bubble and I had been fasting for

probably like 15 hours already at this point, like no food, no water. And I was supposed to have my surgery in the morning. They put me in this isolation bubble and then we're like, okay, because, I'm sorry, they also use like their PCR COVID test on me and then I tested positive. So because I now had COVID, they were like, you now have to be our last surgery of the day because we can't expose our doctors to you and then have them be exposed to all their other patients.

So yes, I ended up being isolated all day, no food, no water. I think I ended up going like almost 24 hours with no food or water. It was horrible. And the COVID symptoms like hit me so hard all of a sudden. was so, I was fevered. I had the chills. I was, my God, it was just an absolute nightmare. And then this surgery like got all complicated and out of hand and took way longer than it was supposed to. So that day was a hot mess, but.

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Sounds like an absolute shit show. Yes, it was. But again, everything worked out okay in the end. Sorry, that was a really long -winded answer for your question. No, that's totally okay. Geez, you've been through the wringer. I always find it so admirable how positive cancer survivors are with telling their stories. I just, I mean, I know what it's like to, you

love someone who has gone through a cancer battle. So I get very emotional when it comes to that because of my mum. Yeah, definitely. She had a 16 year battle. That's a long time to battle. Long, long time. Yeah, she was an absolute trooper. And in the end, just went everywhere. know, she just couldn't fight anymore. Yeah. So she never, ever lost her smile. And it was truly...

incredible to see. And I always find that with people such as yourself. And it's just such an amazing thing to be able to witness someone literally fighting for their life and never losing step and never losing their smile and just like keep battling every day. Why don't you share me, share with me a little bit about your mind frame during the battle and the ways in which you ensured you never lost your smile. Yeah.

And like, I like that you say that because people tell me that all the time. They, hear all the time, you're so positive all the time or like you've, you've shown such strength and positivity through your whole journey. And I'm glad that people see that and experience that when they either see me or around me, because there's definitely been a lot of months over the last year and a half, almost two years now where I literally felt like my world was crashing down, you

It was the whole thing started in September of 2021. I found the lump myself while I was pregnant, obviously, and got it checked right away. And so it started from there. But yeah, like I will say, like during this whole journey, the beginning was obviously very hard because I've never known anybody like personally who's been through this journey before. I do know that

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There are family members of mine who have had breast cancer and ended up passing away from it. But that is the side of my family that I don't know. So I never met them. I don't know anything about their diagnosis, their stories, but there's two women for sure on my biological dad's side of my family who ended up losing the battle to cancer at some point in their lives. But that's all I know.

So anyways, the beginning was obviously very difficult because, you know, it's, think for anybody to hear that they have cancer, it's absolutely terrifying. to, for some reason, when you hear breast cancer, I'm specifically speaking in regards to breast cancer, you automatically think like that it only happens to older women. And I'm not really sure like how or why that became a thing because now that I'm in the cancer community,

There are so, so many women who are my age, I'm 32 or younger even, who are being diagnosed with breast cancer or have been through breast cancer. Like the amount of women who I've connected with now, like since I started posting about it on my Instagram page, it's crazy the amount of us that are out there who have either been through it or are still going through it. So that's another thing that you think of in the beginning is like, holy crap.

How is this happening to me? I'm only in my 30s, you know? But then when you also add on the pregnancy, that obviously made things like a whole, a lot more elevated, we'll say, because it took us two years to get that pregnancy and to get to where we were. And we finally got what we wanted. And then this crazy thing happened. I like being completely raw here.

And my thoughts during those first couple of weeks when I was first diagnosed, like kind of in limbo between being diagnosed and then waiting to meet my oncologist to figure out my treatment plan. My thoughts were, can my baby survive this? And can I survive this? Like there was like a solid chunk of time there where I wasn't sure what was going to happen with my pregnancy. Like, yeah, I don't know. So that was definitely, that shook me up and rocked me.

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And then we started treatment and got through my first course of chemo, which I did four rounds of chemo while I was pregnant. The plan that was what was planned and we got through that and our son was delivered. And like, I got through that with like, I mean, yes, I lost all my hair and had side effects, but for the most part, I tolerated the chemo like relatively well compared to what a lot of women have experienced. And my son was born perfectly healthy.

The worry, the only like real worry from what my obstetrician and my oncologist told me was that the chemo had potential to stop him from growing. So they just monitored me very, very closely and he kept growing. he, I, we, he was scheduled to be delivered at 36 weeks. So he was a little bit premature, but he was seven pounds, three ounces. So he was like a really healthy weight,

I, if I would have went full term, he probably would have been like 12 pounds, you know, so that having it was, it's weird because going through that, like while pregnant made it, I think a lot, well, obviously I think made it a lot harder, but it also like really kept me going, you know, like it really, like I just kept thinking like, okay, we just need to get through this month and then this month, and then we just need to make it to January.

where you know when he was scheduled to be delivered and and then we had him and then it was like okay he's here and I'm still okay like I can breathe now like I really really had to take it kind of like one week at a time basically and then you know I went through the surgeries and more treatment and I got through all of that okay and then

Gosh, when, okay, so my last surgery was in August, last summer, so August, 2022. And then I was good for like a month and I was doing really well, you know, recovering from both my surgeries still, but the plan there was, you know, okay, we might do move on to some immunotherapy, mostly just like some preventative measures to prevent the cancer from coming back. during those like three to four weeks while we were kind of just in

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and I was recovering from things, I started to feel new lumps growing in the same spot. So by, gosh, I think October again, I had new scans done and a couple biopsies and it came back that the cancer was back and this time it had spread, which so when I was sorry, there's like fruit flies flying around, which is why I keep swatting swiped.

Totally fine. fine. Anyways, yeah, during that time, so sorry, just like going back a little bit, when I was first diagnosed, I was diagnosed with stage two triple negative breast cancer. And now fast forwarding back to last fall when I had the, it was still triple negative breast cancer, but I bumped me up to stage four because it had spread.

to like numerous lymph nodes in along my right side and it spread to my right lung as well. And how it works like in the cancer world is like basically once, once it spreads from the area of origin, you're like automatically a stage four. I don't know why that's just, that's just what they tell me. So. going to explain what those stages mean to anyone listening that isn't aware. Like what does triple negative.

breast cancer main as well. So a triple negative is so typically what they look for is when you have a biopsy done, they send it away to pathology and they are checking to see they're checking for progesterone, estrogen and the HER2 hormone. So they're seeing if your tumor is positive or negative for any of those. a lot

Like the more commonly diagnosed women are diagnosed with like hormone positive receptors, meaning like they were either estrogen progesterone or HER2 positive. You can be positive for one, you can be positive for two or all three, which they say is triple positive. But in my case, I was negative for all of the hormone receptors. So that's why they call it triple negative, which I remember when they first told me that I was triple negative, I was like,

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that sounds like a good thing. Like, I don't know why just in my mind, I was like, okay, so I was negative for this, this and this, that's got to be good, right? But it's actually very much the opposite. Because with triple negative breast cancer, they don't know what is causing it or what's feeding it. Whereas if your cancer is positive for any of the hormone receptors, then they know that your cancer is being fed

progesterone, estrogen, or HER2. And in those cases, although like those cases, you know, can still be severe, they're easy, they're treated easier because there are medications out there that can block those hormones, which will then stop feeding the cancer basically. But with triple negative, because they have no idea what's causing it, it's harder to treat. But studies have shown that triple negative breast cancer responds really well

like chemotherapy works really well to like basically kill it or make it stop growing. So the first time I did chemo, I did respond really well. it, between chemo and my surgeries, it basically got rid of everything, but there were obviously microscopic cancer cells still lingering that caused the recurrence to happen and caused it to happen quickly. Cause that's the other thing with triple negative is it has a very high recurrence rate.

So, and it's just really, really aggressive. So if you do have microscopic cancer cells floating around in you, the likelihood, like you have a lot higher chance of them growing and turning into something more serious. So it's a hard one to treat, but it is possible, obviously. And I'm like somebody who very much does not listen to the statistics or the numbers because, you

I've had conversations with other patients and survivors and conversations with medical professionals. And, you know, they'll say, well, this is your this percentage is your chance of responding to this treatment or this is your chance of having a full like going into remission, you know. And unfortunately, for triple negative breast cancer, like the percentages for people to overcome it

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quite low compared to some of the other types of breast cancer. So I don't know, like I have such conflicting feelings about that because I feel like when you're sitting down with your oncologist or your team of professionals and they're saying, you you might have a lower percentage of having a complete response to this or the likelihood of you, you

going into remission is not great, you know, like those kinds of conversations. I feel like that really obviously affects people mentally. And if you're leaving your appointments thinking all this negativity, you know, you're having all these negative thoughts, you're getting this information where you're basically being told that like your chances are not great. Like I just, when I step back and think about that, I'm like, that helps nobody. Like I understand that doctors need to

realistic with you, they need to like give you the facts. But I don't know, like, I've definitely had, I think I have a really great medical team, and I've connected really well with everyone on my team. But I've definitely had appointments with my oncologist where I'm like, I just feel like she's very down about my situation, or she's been very down about my situation right now, every time I see her now, because I'm like in remission, she's all excited

you know, very positive about my outcome and what my future looks like. But there was like last fall when I had the recurrence, we, I will never forget that day that, you know, Tony and I went in to meet with her after we, after my biopsies came back and we found out that the cancer was back and that it had spread. It was very much a conversation of like, okay, well, we're here now. You're now stage four, you know, for, mean, she didn't

say it like this, but basically was saying, you know, like, things are not looking good. And, and actually, I forget about this all the time. Every oncologist has an assistant who is a nurse, and her nurse, who is there for all my appointments, actually, like, started telling me that I should start like checking things off my bucket list. And I was just

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I was like, my God, we at like, didn't, I didn't realize until after we left, but I was like, are we really having this conversation? Like, are you really telling me that like, I need to go write up my bucket list of things that I want to do in life and go start doing them. Like, I don't think we're there, but anyways, so I've had a few situations like that during my experience. And I just, I look at it as like, I feel like that helps nobody because

The fact that I have been able to be mostly positive through this journey and have all the support that I have, I think that that has helped me immensely. yeah, so I can't even remember what question you asked me. Sorry. just started rambling. No, it's okay. Rumble away. As far as the oncologists go, it's definitely just an incredibly thin line that they would have to walk. You know, delivering news like that would just suck for them.

But at the end of the day, that is their job. And I'm sure that they would love to fill everyone with, you know, positivity and good outcomes and all of the happy, fuzzy, loving stuff. But, you know, unfortunately life isn't always that way and people aren't as lucky as you are. wouldn't, I don't want to say that you're lucky because that's a weird way of summing up your life and the fact that you're here today. Because it is totally a battle.

And it is a mental battle to get through cancer. I've seen that firsthand. Yeah. And my mum had always, always said that the second she stops being happy, the cancer has won. And I think that that's incredibly true. Like she was really, really a massive part of the breast cancer community. She ran like multiple charities and she like organised the Relay for Life in our town. whole heap of different things. She was also a part of like a dragon boating team.

I was invited to join one of those, but I'm terrified of water, so I not do it. Yeah. So it was made up entirely of breast cancer survivors. And she was the last surviving member of her team as well. So she made it to the very end, but all of those ladies were just so full of positivity. And they all said, you know, the second that the positivity goes is when the cancer wins and then, and that's when death comes knocking. Yeah. So.

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Yeah, it's a hard one with doctors, you know, kind of saying those things because they have to be as realistic as possible, but also. Definitely. It sucks. I do, I want to add like a bit to that just so I have two oncologists and one I always find is a lot more like he very much looks more on the bright side of things. And like that's just been evident through all of our appointments. But that day that, you know, Tony and I went in to

that meeting with them to talk about like, okay, the cancer is back and it has spread. I was feeling very much like my one oncologist was not the most positive. I mean, understandably so, like it was a drastic change in my treatment plan and very unexpected. But my other oncologist, I think he could, you know, obviously feel

the tension and the sadness that was in the room. And so he actually went over to the computer and he pulled up my scan that I had just had done where it shows like your whole body that everything they scanned. he was like, look at like he was, he showed me, cause when you have a CT scan done, if there's anything that's cancerous, it's going to show up black. Whereas everything else is kind of like white and gray or whatever. Anyways, he was like, you can see here and like pointed

where the cancer was, like in all the lymph nodes and like around where it was around my lung as well. He was like, I want you to look at this and see that yes, although there is quite a bit of cancer that we're seeing here as it has spread, it's not in any life threatening areas. It's not blocking any airways. It's not growing on any like vital organs. You know, like he just, I don't know, he took that approach.

And I just like immediately was like, okay, like I felt like I could breathe for like a second and was like, okay, thank you. Like I really, I needed that because I was sitting there feeling like, holy shit is my life over basically. And then, you know, he pulled up the actual scan for me to see and look at and see the hard fact that like, okay, yes, this is not an ideal situation,

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we're still okay and there are still options. And then we went over all the options and we came up with a whole new treatment plan. And so from there we did, I did start chemo again for the second time. So this was last fall, I started chemo again. I did about two months of chemo and I just knew like internally, I knew it wasn't working. just didn't feel right about it. The lumps that I could feel were not shrinking.

And the first time that I did chemo, I felt an improvement after one cycle of chemo. Like it was crazy how fast it worked the first time. So I requested another scan and it showed, yes, that I was not responding at all to chemo. In fact, like the cancer had grown instead of shrunk in any capacity. So we stopped chemo, we started immunotherapy and radiation. And by some miracle, after doing six weeks,

Sorry, my son's crying. After doing six weeks of high dose radiation, and well, I'm still on immunotherapy. We started this in December, so just around Christmas time. By like some miracle, I've had a complete response to that treatment plan. So yeah, I don't know. I just kind of going back to what we were talking about before is I think that like having your doctors show you some light and positivity can like really make or break.

an appointment or a conversation or a day, you know, because when you're on, when you're going through a cancer journey, like you literally have to take it one day at a time. Every day is completely different. And although I do nowadays have more good days than bad days, those moments of worry and doubt definitely still creep in. And from all the women that I've connected with who have some are new recent survivors, some are like have been survivors for 10 years.

They say that it never goes away and that, you know, worry and doubt will kind of forever creep in every once in a while. It's a fucking journey you've been on. Yeah. I'm at a loss for words, honestly, which is quite unlike me with these podcasts. I'm usually trying to make myself shut up so the guests can talk. That's how I feel right now. I feel like I can't stop talking. So I apologize. No, don't apologize at all. So I want to talk a little bit about your parenting journey. Obviously

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pretty parallel to the cancer journey. Yeah. The two things kind of happened at the same time. So after baby was born via C -section, was it 30, 38 weeks? you say? 36. 36 weeks. What did early parenthood look like for you going through chemo? like breastfeeding and things like that would have been off table. my gosh.

It's funny that like as soon as you asked me like, what did that look like? I'm like, my God, I feel like I've blacked most of it out. But it was I did want to try to breastfeed that was important to me that I would get to do that even just for like a short period of time. So actually after after he was born January 20. So my doctors planned I had to stop chemo like a solid month before before he was delivered.

just because when you're on chemo, you're at a higher risk of like bleeding more and higher risk of infection. So they gave me like a solid month before I had him. And then they gave me about two months after I had him before I resumed treatment specifically so that I could try to breastfeed him for a little while. And that was just like a personal choice for me, but it did not go well. My body just

did not want to produce milk. I tried for, I think I tried for like a solid month and I was producing maybe like an ounce a day. It was rough. after that, I was just like, you know what? It's not worth it. I don't know if you guys have experienced what it's like to breastfeed and pump and formula feed kind of like all at the same time, but like, holy smokes, it is exhausting.

Because you like the doctors or my the nurses that would come to check on us at home would basically be like, okay, so you'll want to breastfeed first. And then because you're not producing enough, you're going to have to pump for about 20, 20 to 30 minutes afterwards, and then also feed him formula at the same time. And it was just like, having to like, pump every I think I was having a pump like every two hours, and I was just getting nothing out of it literally.

Carter (37:17.324)

I eventually was like, hey, we're pulling the plug on this and I'm done. So that was like a bit, I think maybe extra emotional for me just because I knew that eventually, you know, like once I started chemo again, I would not, I would no longer have the option to try to breastfeed because once chemo is like pumping through your system, your everything's contaminated. So, and then also knowing that within a few months I'd also be having like my breasts removed too. So it was definitely

very, very emotional journey, but we got through it. you know, in the end, formula feeding really was kind of like a blessing in disguise because it's nice that like, everyone can help out, you know, like it, when I was having, you know, days or nights where I was, you know, completely knocked out from the chemo, not like actually knocked out, but just tired. No, know exactly what you mean here. Yeah, it just.

you know, makes you so exhausted and you have days where you feel ill. And anyway, so when you're having date, when I was having days like that, it was nice that like, you know, Tony or my mom or his mom or whoever was here to help us could just fully 100 % parent on their own and not need to like rely on me for feeding or whatever it may be. So it ended up like being a bit of a blessing in disguise for us. But yeah, that like first

Gosh, I want to say the first like maybe six to 10 months were really, really tough where, you know, like I had a lot of days where I just felt like I was, I don't want to use this word, but I felt very much like useless in a sense of like parenting, like, and I would beat myself up about that, you know, because I'd have days where I would have to lay in bed all day or, you know, like I couldn't, you know, get up

you know, like Damien was having to get up or not having to but he was waking up every two hours for this that went on for like months. He didn't start sleeping through the night till he turned one but you know, for all of his night wakings and feedings and this that the other thing, you know, there were a lot of days where I just like couldn't do it and Tony was thankfully able to be off on parental leave for nine months. So he was off with me full

Carter (39:37.93)

for the first nine months of our son's life, which was an absolute blessing because if he had to work, I don't know how I would have pulled it together. But so he's been a wonderful, wonderful support and still is. But yeah, I don't know. It's when I think about like the early days of parenting, I unfortunately am like brought back to think about like how little I could do. And I still just like it just makes me sad, know, like his

I just wish that I could have done more or been there a bit more, you know? And I had days where I would like worry like, my gosh, like is our son gonna even like, is he gonna bond with me? Or is he gonna like, is he gonna like Tony better than me? Like I used to worry about that stuff and my son and I have a very, very strong bond. So that was nothing for us to worry about. But those are things that you think of as a new mom where you're like, my gosh, like how are we gonna or how am I gonna do this? But I got through it with having Tony home

24 seven and we had his mom helping us out, my mom, my stepmom, we've had lots of family helping us out. So that's pretty much how I got through it. But there was just in the early, early days, there was a lot of chaos because for some reason we thought it would be a good idea to buy a house as well and move. So we ended up getting possession of our house on January 20th, the day that Damien was born.

and our house required some renovations. So we were buying a new house and having a baby and doing renovations and packing and moving and unpacking and all that crazy and going through chemo and surgeries. And for some reason thought it would be a good idea to do it all at once. So there was a lot of chaos in our lives at the time, but we got through it. And I like, I definitely could not have done it without Tony at all. Like

I want a Tony. Can I have a Tony? Yeah. Tony sounds amazing. Yeah. I mean, your life was already stressful enough and then you've just thrown in buying a house and renovating on top of that. And my mind kind of went blank a little bit. Then I started zoning out because even I couldn't deal with the stress. Yeah, I know. It's incredible. Wow. So, Tony was off for nine months, full time. Basically, basically the, you know, the full time parent.

Carter (42:03.18)

Yes. How was his mental health throughout it all? You know, that is a question that I feel like I can't really answer because he is not one to talk about his feelings. Before I was diagnosed, he was never like a very emotional person. had never seen him cry. you know, like we've we had been to funerals together for, you know, his family. And even then, he's very much just kind of

turns into a brick, basically. But after I was diagnosed, he sort of became this regular emotional person. And although I have seen, you know, his emotional side a lot more in the last year and a half, he's still like, he just, he's not really one to talk about his feelings a whole lot. But he also like, he's just mostly like very

calm and collect. Like if I'm having days where I'm angry or, you know, lashing out or sad and crying constantly, whatever it may be, like he just levels me right out. Like he, he doesn't get angry. He doesn't yell. He doesn't really like I've seen him cry a few times now when we've gotten like, you know, some scary, some bad news from, you know, regarding my health. Like we've had that happen a couple of times, you know, like he shows his emotion more in that way,

But yeah, I don't know. My stepmom is here staying with us right now. And I was just talking to her about this, I think maybe yesterday actually, about how like, he's just so like, he's always there. He's always on the ball. He's always, you know, looking after me, looking after Damien, looking after himself. Like he, I don't know how he takes it all on, but he does. And he'll never complain, ever. So how his mental health is, I'm not sure.

I often tell him, I mean, often tell him, cause I mean, I go to therapy very regularly and I often tell him that, you know, like it might be a good idea for him to try or even for us to go together because cancer changes a person. And I know that I had changed and I feel like if I've changed, then our relationship has changed, you know, like not that anything like crazy has happened, but I don't know.

Carter (44:22.666)

I really love therapy and it helps me so much. And so I've kind of encouraged it a few times, but he's like fully not interested. So yeah, I don't know. He, he holds it together. He's a champ. I mean, as, know, as long as he's got his own way of dealing with things and it's not kind of coming out in a toxic way and he's not losing his shit and punching the wall to convey his emotions. It's some people are just a little bit more sturdy, I guess. Yeah.

a whole slew of new problems if he was doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. So you said that you're planning on returning to work soon? Yeah. What do you do for a job? So I'm a social worker and I work in child protection. So before I was diagnosed, like before I went off work, I was doing child protection here in Saskatoon.

And now, so I am going back to the Ministry of Social Services, but they're doing what they're calling like a medical accommodation for me. So they're putting me in our screening slash intake unit. I'm not sure if you're familiar with social services at all, but how I'd like to describe like our screening units, like the best way for people to understand what it is, is I always say it's kind of like dispatch for police.

where it's the unit where they take all the phone calls and all the reports of, you know, potential like child abuse that might be going on because we get reports online through phone calls. I'm not really sure what other method I think mostly just through email or online and through phone calls. So the screeners sit at a desk pretty much all day taking these calls and reports and screening them in or out basically.

So you're still considered a protection worker if you're doing that job. So because that's like the level that I am and like what my, what my like job title is, they're able to put me in that unit as a medical accommodation. Cause the position that I was in before I was out like in the community a lot, moving kids, client facing.

Carter (46:36.458)

Yes, moving children, tracking down parents, doing door knocks at scary houses in some sketchy neighborhoods, apprehending children, know, like doing a lot of what I like to call the dirty work. So just given everything that I've been through now, like, mean, mentally and emotionally, that job is already extremely tough, like taxing on a person, extremely taxing. There's a reason why it has such a high turnover rate.

But just given everything that I've been through now, I know that it would be too much for me, but also the physical part of it. know, like I still get winded going up a flight of stairs, you know, like I, I think my recovery journey from all the treatment that I've been through, the surgeries that I've been through and like the treatments that I'm still on, know, like it's going to be a lifelong journey for me. so for me to be able to have sort of like a desk job is definitely like best case scenario.

They have an opening in that unit opening up within, think, by the end of this month. So I'm looking at starting back on a gradual return. I'm not going to jump in full time, but probably early August. I have, as I said earlier, I have a lot of mixed emotions about it because the last time that I was at the office, I was pregnant and newly diagnosed with breast cancer. So and I like I left very suddenly, like it was there, you know, I mean,

There's no warning with these things. So it was literally like one day I was off for the day because I had my 20 week anatomy scan and it was a very exciting day. And then the next day I found out that I probably have breast cancer. So I like literally called my supervisor and was like, this is my situation. I'm not coming back to work. Sorry. You know, and I've been off on a medical leave ever since. So I'm, I was just telling one of

co -workers last night that I think once I get like an official start date, I think I'm have to go back to the office maybe after hours before my start date just to like feel the feelings so that like when I get there on my first day that I'm not just like crying all day. Blubbering this. Yeah. Yeah, no, I could definitely see that happening for me if I was in your shoes. So you've just gotten engaged. Yes. Congratulations again. Thank you.

Carter (49:01.774)

What does the future look like as far as that goes? Are there any dates being floated around? What's your dream wedding? me all about it. Well, now you're really not going to be able to shut me up. But we actually already, we already set the date. If there's anything that I've learned through this whole journey is that, you know, you just got to embrace the now. So we are, we're getting married next summer, July 27th, 2024.

Our anniversary is in July and we just got engaged a couple of weeks ago. So I knew that I wanted a July wedding, but yeah, July 27th next summer. And so we've got our venue booked and it was my first choice of venue. It's absolutely beautiful. It just opened up a couple of years ago. like there hasn't been, I mean, a lot of people get married there now, but it's not like a place that's been around for years where like everyone's gotten married there. So it's a very new and fresh place.

and they happen to have that date available. And then I also secured our photographer who was like my first choice photographer. She, her and I are meeting tomorrow. We're going for coffee to talk details, but she is truly wonderful. And I feel like very blessed that it worked out that she's available for that date too. So everything's kind of just, and I've already like secured my hairdresser and my makeup artist. I've got it

all locked down and it's all been like my first choice for everybody. So things are working out nicely and this has been to plan something a year away. I thought that it would be harder like mentally for me because ever since being diagnosed, anytime someone tries to make plans with me in the future, I start to panic a little bit because my first thought is will I be here?

You know, like that for the last year and a half, you know, that's that has been my reality of, know, like even a couple months ago, I went I was at an event with a friend and we ended up getting winning tickets to a Shania Twain concert that is in November. And I remember being like so excited that we got those tickets because I love Shania Twain. But I also immediately was like taken back and was

Carter (51:29.1)

November's always away. What is my life gonna look like then? And so that's been really hard for me. Like anytime I try to plan anything ahead, I have that like very morbid thought. But for some reason, you know, getting engaged and planning our wedding that's like a year from now, you know, it doesn't, I haven't had like one bit of fear. I just, I feel very confident that like, I'm gonna be okay.

I just, I don't know why I just have this like new found like confidence and positivity. And maybe it's because I've had two clear scans now and you know, like I feel better than I have in a very long time. That definitely helps keep me going. But, but yeah, that's where things are at wedding wise. like everything's coming up Millhouse for you. Yes, definitely. Everything is working out great. Good. That makes me happy.

Is there anything that you want to add? Anything? Excuse me. Anything you want to send out into the world before we wrap up? man. I don't know. I feel like I just told you like my entire life story. So I'm not sure what else I could add in there. You told me a very, very small part of your life, which is actually the biggest part of your life, which is crazy. That's true. We didn't cover any of the like past family trauma.

That's a whole other episode. Yeah, we'll have to do another episode for that. Everyone loves to hear about the trauma. Exactly. No, awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining me today and thank you for telling me your journey and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open to discussing it. I'm surprised that I made it through this whole thing without crying. that is an actual first. We both did well, We both did great.

Yeah, definitely. I got home from work this morning and my wife asked what my day was looking like and I said, I've got Aaron coming on the podcast today and like she knows who you are because I've been talking about like my kind of weird excitement slash nervousness for this episode because of you know, how close to my heart, know, breast cancer and that whole thing goes. Yeah. So, she was like, how are you feeling? I'm like, I'm nervous.

Carter (53:48.012)

Very, very nervous. I thought I was going to be just an absolute eerie mess. Me too. We both did well. I might get off now and go have a little cry by myself in the bath or something. Awesome. Well, I'll leave you to your day. Thank you very much for your time. And thanks to Tony for being an absolute superstar and holding down the fort and keep on keeping on. I can't wait to continue watching your journey and seeing you get married in a year's time through social

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. And I also want to say, because I haven't said this, but I'm very, sorry to hear what you went through with your mom. I know what it's like to be on this side of things, and I just can't imagine how it feels for my loved ones, you know, like, and I'm doing well. So to be to experience that, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. And thank you for like being open about it, too. I really appreciate

You bastard, I almost got there. Sorry. You just had to do it, didn't you? No, look, I appreciate that. I'll keep it in. It's fine. Perfect. Yeah, no, I appreciate that. And it's an incredibly selfless thing for you to say, being the one that has survived cancer and for you to still be worried about the people around you that have to kind of go through it as well. You know, we're the ones that are here for you, not the other way around.

Well, we're all in it together. Honestly, you're part of this community too. Yeah, I am. Yep. That's it. All right, mate. You have a great day and thank you again. Thank you. See you later.