Embracing Parenthood | Kristie's Guide to Raising Eight Children and Maintaining Mental Health

Welcome to Episode 22 of Touched Out! A Mental Health Podcast for Parents.

In this conversation, Kristie shares her experiences as a mother of eight children, including raising a child with Down syndrome. Join us as we explore the challenges, joys, and invaluable lessons learned from Kristie's journey. We also delve into the dynamics of raising triplets, managing a large family, and maintaining mental health and self-care.

Kristie's Journey with Special Needs Parenting

Kristie discusses the unique challenges and rewards of raising a child with Down syndrome. She emphasizes the importance of focusing on the child's abilities and celebrating their milestones.

The Importance of Self-Care and Mental Health

Kristie highlights the necessity of self-care for parents. She shares strategies for setting boundaries and ensuring mental health is a priority, even amidst the chaos of raising a large family.

Community Support and Its Impact

The role of community support from friends, family, and healthcare professionals is crucial in Kristie's parenting journey. She explains how this support system has made a significant difference.

Navigating Friendship Dynamics and Emotional Blackmail

Kristie shares insights into the complex dynamics among her children, including the triplets. She discusses how she manages emotional blackmail and the importance of setting firm boundaries.

Starting Over and Balancing New Ventures

Kristie talks about the experience of starting over with a new baby after achieving independence and the challenges of starting a new business while raising a family. She offers advice on balancing these priorities effectively.

Embracing Challenges and Allowing Identity Formation

Kristie concludes by encouraging parents to embrace the challenges of parenthood and find joy in the present moment. She stresses the importance of allowing children to define their own identity and fostering an environment of emotional intelligence and openness.

Chapters

• 2:22 Kristie's Background and Family
• 3:45 Children Growing Up and Finding Independence
• 5:09 Parenting a Child with Down Syndrome
• 7:06 Dealing with the Diagnosis and Birth Trauma
• 9:27 Medical Negligence and Advocating for Children
• 11:18 Support and Understanding from the Community
• 13:23 Managing Mental Health and Self-Care
• 20:20 Overcoming Anxieties for the Sake of Our Children
• 23:41 Finding Moments of Self-Care
• 25:35 Communicating with Children and Avoiding Judgment
• 28:24 Parenting Strategies and Dealing with Public Perception
• 31:22 The Challenges and Joys of Raising Multiple Children
• 37:27 Sibling Dynamics and the Unique Bond of Triplets

Transcript

We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of this land. We pay our respects to the elders, past, present and emerging, but they hold the memories, the traditions and the culture of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people across the nation.

Carter

Warning this podcast contains explicit language and discusses sensitive topics related to mental health, childhood trauma, birth, trauma, abuse, miscarriage, and suicide. Listener discretion is advised. If you find these subjects distressing or triggering, we recommend taking caution and considering whether to proceed with. Listening. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional or a trusted individual for support. Your well being is our priority. Welcome to another episode of the Touched Out Podcast. Today we hear the heartfelt journey of Christie, a mother of eight, as she shares her experiences navigating the joys and challenges of parenting, including raising a child with Down syndrome. Join us as we delve into her story, exploring the importance of self care, the support of the community, and the laughter filled moments. She cherishes with her children, get ready for an inspiring conversation that celebrates resilience, love and the beauty of parenthood. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Hit like and share on the podcast platform of your choice so the podcast can continue to find its way into the ears of new listeners. You can also find us on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and YouTube at Touched Out Podcast for those who wish to support the show in other ways, you can also donate via PayPal. You can find social media and donation. Thanks as well as information from today's episode in the episode description. Thank you for being part of my podcast family. Let's keep this journey going together.

Carter

OK. So today we have Christy from Bendigo. Christie has eight children, seven of which are alive, 27 years old, 20 years old, 12 years old, three nine year olds and a two year old. Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself, Christy? Yeah.

Kristie

Recently moved back to Bendigo. Well, two Bendigo actually from Darwin. We've been in Darwin the last seven years, but I am originally from Vic. Yeah, I guess I've spent a good chunk of my life having babies. So yeah, at the moment I'm. A stay at home mum but we are working on starting our own business. So with my partner. And yeah, I just. Do mum things at the moment.

Carter

Just do mum things. Yeah. So with with that many children, I'm guessing three of them are are triplets. Is that right? Yes. Yeah. Must be a very, very busy house.

Kristie

That is a very, very busy house, but. A lot of them at the age now where they're very social, so they're going out after school with their friends and got other activities on and all that. So I find as they get older, it's a lot easier and at the moment the hardest is my 2 year old.

Carter

Yeah, certainly. I've got a 2 year old as well and he is. A handful. So how do? You feel now that the kids are starting to kind of be social and be out of the house. You're feeling a little lonely. Are you feeling a little beside yourself? Not sure what to do or are you pretty pretty happy with it?

Kristie

I'm pretty excited actually. It's. Really interesting to watch who they're becoming and who they're turning into. And I mean, I know they're still super young, but yeah, it's pretty cool watching who they're turning into and who their friends are and. How they're interacting and getting out of the house and. Sometimes helping more around the house, but yeah, I'm finding it pretty cool. And no, I'm not missing them. Being at home as such. But I do miss. Yeah, I guess. I guess I missed some of the little interactions when they're younger and they need you more, but yeah, I'm more excited for where they're heading.

Carter

Yeah, certainly. So the 27 year old and the 20 year old, are they still living at home?

Kristie

So my 27 year old, he still lives at home. He's he's got Down syndrome and so yeah. He's he knows all my darkest secrets. He's been around me his whole life. Every single day. So and my 20 year old. No, he's just recently moved to Ballarat with his friends to start his. Next journey, I guess.

Carter

OK. And you're 27 year old is is it a full time care kind of relationship you've you've got with him or is he quite independent with himself?

Kristie

It's quite the mix. So he does need a lot of reminders. You for instance, you know taking a shower every single day and looking after yourself. Might take him a few years longer to learn to be in that repetitive stage than it would for, say, my other children. Then I don't know. Children don't like having showers, do they? But yeah, there's a lot of it's repetitiveness day after day after day after day, of reminding him. But he is capable of staying at home by himself, like he just had his first overnight at home by himself, and he smashed it. I mean, I had to prepare and make sure his meals were ready and all that cause I didn't want him to cook. And I was worried about what would happen. And I'm like, don't answer the door to anyone and just keep it locked. And you can watch any TV you want. But he is capable, to a certain point, but still needs me for other areas.

Carter

Yeah, certainly. And is he your only child with special needs?

Kristie

He is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he was. Yeah, my first. Born actually when he was born, I didn't even know what Down syndrome was. And I remember when he was born and because when I was 17, when I had him, the doctors were like. No, no, no. Your baby will be fine. It's OK. And they didn't do as many cheques back then. And anyway, he was born, and I remember looking at. Him and I was thinking. You you do look a little bit different. I don't know what it is, but you look a little bit different and I remember thinking ohh, I hope your dad doesn't think that I had an affair or something like that. But then they came to me a few hours later and said, listen, we're pretty sure he's got Down syndrome. So. And I still didn't know what that was, but.

Carter

And in the aftermath of of learning, your son's diagnosis, was there any, any kind of mental health challenges that you had? Do you, do you feel any type of way or were you just like I I love? Him regardless or.

Kristie

After I had Jair and they sent me home a few days later with him. We've no guidance, still no understanding of what Down syndrome is. And although in hindsight I found this good for me and so I had zero idea. Anyway, I'm the eldest of six children and I had looked after my mum's children, my brothers and sisters, for most of my life, so I just took him home. Looked after him like I had my brothers and sisters and had no idea of what he should have been able to do and what he shouldn't have been able to do, which I think helped a lot because I didn't focus on what he couldn't do and thought ohh well, I'll just raise him and. He'll do what he'll be able to do, so I didn't find it. Maybe as traumatising as what some other people could have if they had known what shouldn't have been the hardest parts for me were like. When he started turning blue at home and all that type of thing, and I had no idea and had to take him to hospital, and then he's having open heart surgery at 7 weeks old. And then I was really scared to hold him because he would always turn blue when I had been holding him at home. And so that petrified me of him dying in my arms. That was the hardest part for me, those surgeries. So yeah.

Carter

And why was he?

Kristie

Turning blue, well, it turned out that he had 1/2 centimetre hole in his. Heart, which they should. Have checked in the hospital before they sent us home, but they didn't. And every time I was feeding him. It was using up all of his energy and it was. Killing him basically so. That's why he started turning blue because he was not getting all the blood that he should have been going going through his body. It was just going through his heart. And so every time I fed him, it was killing him and that's why he was turning blue.

Carter

Yeah. Wow. That must have been. Pretty horrific to to deal with. Without even knowing what was going on.

Kristie

Yeah, I had no idea. And we took him to a hospital. The closest hospital to us. And it was a private hospital and they wanted money to take him. And I'm like, I've got this little newborn, Down syndrome baby turning blue. And I had no money. I was only 17 years old. And so we. Ended up managing to make it to the Children's Hospital and they admitted him straight away and two days later he was having surgery. They said if we'd waited one more day he would have died.

Carter

Yeah, right. That's horrible. Absolutely horrible. My, my 2 year old had to have surgery at 17 hours old for a twisted bowel, so I'm no stranger to to having a baby go under the knife. And it's it's just such a horrible feeling and you just feel so alone and so helpful. Was so yeah, I'm glad he's he's, you know, 27 and being able to spend the first nights by himself and everything like that. That's awesome.

Kristie

Ohh he's totally kicking goals. He's now off to the hairdressers and trying to get cool haircuts and he's gonna become a TikTok star so he can get. A wife and I don't know.

Carter

Ah, brilliant. If you can drop his, send me his TikTok handle, I'll definitely put it in the the podcast as well, so everyone can. Give him a follow. So. So so you were 17 when you you first gave birth and you you said that you weren't really advised of what Down syndrome was or anything like that? From then till your most recent baby, have you found the level of support and the level of understanding and communication has greatly changed and gotten better. With having a baby and aftercare things like that.

Kristie

I think. Thing well, because all of I feel like. All of my births have been. Kind of like having a newborn again. First I had my Down syndrome baby. Then I had a single baby who was all OK and all that, you know? And so that was like having a first baby again. It was completely different. And then I was pregnant with quads. So that was a whole different. Scenario again and that scenario was. Being told to get rid of the babies, so as soon as they found out how many babies it was, it was like you need to reduce. You need to just have one baby. Do not go through with this. You cannot do this. So that was heartbreaking. And then my 2 year old, I was also told again to terminate. Because the hospital that I went to. Didn't realise that I had gestational diabetes, but some of the symptoms of that in a baby is the same as having a Down syndrome baby and the doctor there was absolutely horrible and said that I must have lied about my information to the ultrasound person and even though I was 30. Week she would have. Actually, give me a termination if I wanted it to and I'm like no way. I know there's nothing wrong with this baby, and it was later confirmed when I went back to Darwin that I had gestational diabetes and that's why I had so much fluid around the baby and I was measuring so large and. He turned out perfect, of course, so I don't think I've had the best experiences in 27 years. Yeah, so. I I don't think it's changed in my case.

Carter

Still a lot of horrible experiences when it comes to to doctors and whatnot.

Kristie

Yeah, yeah, I I guess that's their job. I don't know, but I have found the outside community outside of hospitals has changed a lot like. The people around me.

Carter

So what was the reason that they wanted to terminate your two year old because of Down syndrome? Because they thought your two year old had down?

Kristie

Syndrome or I guess so I don't. Yeah, I guess so. And I also. So had the feeling I actually started recording my conversations. After this. I had the feeling that she looked at me and thought I had too many children anyway. Which is none of her business. And they're all raised really well in a great place. But yeah, I just got the feeling that she thought no, you've got enough children. You're lying about something. There must be something wrong with this baby. And, yeah, she was the only doctor to say that, though. And I brought up at my next appointment.

Carter

And do you know if there was anything kind of looked into, was there any investigation into? Her her behaviour.

Kristie

There was no investigation into her behaviour. Yeah, something I could have done. When I'm pregnant, I am that person who will burst into tears. If you just look at me sideways, I can't get my words out. I'm very, very emotional and crying all the time and. Once we decided cause, we'd moved away from Darwin for a year and we were in Sydney and we decided to go back to Darwin for the birth of my 2 year old and once we got there it was just such a completely different scenario and they were so supportive and it was amazing and you know, I got to watch my Caesarian birth. Live and they did so much. It was the complete opposite that I was just happy to have Jack.

Carter

Yeah, right. We had an obstetrician. For our third baby, tell us that if my wife didn't get induced. That day that our baby would turn to mush and die inside of her because she was a couple of weeks past due date. So yeah, look, I was the traditions. Even though they go to school for so many years to to learn how to do their jobs, it takes it a great deal of emotional intelligence to be that type of person. And be in that position. And I think a lot of them just missed the mark and a lot of them just allow their own personal feelings and thoughts to get involved far too much. And it's it's really, really detrimental to to the birthing experience for a mother and a father. But we we told our midwives and they ended up putting through an investigation into her and her behaviour. We're not sure on what happened in the end. But we're glad that something was being looked at and done about it, cause it's it's not OK.

Kristie

Yeah, that's really good cause that's an absolutely horrible. Horrible thing that she said and to turn to Moosh. Like who even says that that's so scary.

Carter

Yeah. And it's like, is that your medical opinion? As well like. I don't think babies turn to mush.

Kristie

Yeah, I haven't read that in the. Medical books, but.

Carter

Yeah. So you did say that you were pregnant with quads. You have triplets. So I'm guessing that that's where the the loss of one of your babies comes into play.

Kristie

Yes it does so. I had three boys. Thought I'd try one more time for a girl. Ended up with pregnant with four babies. So 2 girls, 2 boys. Like I said earlier, there was that whole conversation about you must terminate. You can't go through with this. I couldn't do that myself and was willing to. I did a little bit of research and I'm like, no, I I. Can go through with the. This so I did and two weeks before I ended up having the babies not two weeks before I was due. I had an ultrasound and they were so they named the babies ABC&D. And she ultrasound baby a first and she goes, baby A has no heartbeat. And I'm like, what? And I've just burst into tears and then she just goes through all the other babies doing the ultrasound normal. And I feel horrible. But I didn't even care. I'm like. You've just told me my baby's dead. Like. Are you sure? My baby's dead. Is there a flicker of a heartbeat? Like put me in now. Sorry. The poster just arrived at my door. I'll ignore it. OK? And so I'm like, anyway, so she does that. She tells me that I don't remember much of the rest of the ultrasound. Then they take me into a room and they're like, OK, we understand this is hard. If you want any extra ultrasounds or something like that in the mean time, feel free to come in whenever. Just try not to be too sad because you don't wanna risk losing the others and going into early labour. And that was it. Sent home and just had to live with my baby. Not alive in my belly with my other babies until it was time to have the other three born. So I I ended up so at 31 weeks I went to my appointment. And I just broke down and I burst into tears. And I was like, I cannot do this. I know they've got 90% chance survival if you take them out of me now, but if you keep them inside of me, there is nothing we can. Do for them. If they die and she didn't want to do it, they wanted me to get to 3435 weeks and I just was so devastated. Anyway, I went downstairs to the cafeteria. And was eating and thinking I can't do this, but the doctor came and found me and she said, Christy, we're gonna book you in in a couple of days and we'll take your babies out for you. So that was the best news I heard.

Carter

It sounds like most of your birthing experiences have been pretty horrible and pretty traumatic, and I'm truly sorry to hear that. Were you ever formally diagnosed with, like, postpartum or anything like that in the in the wake of births?

Kristie

I've never been diagnosed with anything not to do with having babies. I don't know. I I feel like when I've had my babies. I honestly just enjoy having them and I would hold them and you know, do what I have to do with new babies and all that type of thing. I thankfully was able to skip past whatever had happened previously. In that time that I needed to look after my babies and was able to do what I had to do with my babies. I mean, that doesn't. I mean, nowadays you know, of course I think about it. And I think about a lot of what ifs and. What if this had happened? Or what if this hadn't happened and? If this had been this way or that way, but I'm pretty good at like keeping that from my children and being able to focus on them when I need to focus on them. And moving forward and many years ago, I learned to any of my anxieties and everything. There was this one moment when I thought, ohh my God, I'm passing my anxieties on to my children. So in that moment I decided to try and push through my anxieties to show them that, you know, it doesn't have to be this difficult or that hard. And when you're scared of doing something, it's actually usually nowhere near as bad as we think it's going to. See, but so I try really hard to be normal. I don't know around my kids.

Carter

So is it? Is it something that you actively work on to try to overcome or is it? More of a kind of. Put on a brave face and just just brush it to the side.

Kristie

I'm no I definitely actively some of my anxieties, like for instance. We're out of fairground. One day at a show, and I I don't know why, but I have this anxiety of people realising that I'm lost or don't know what I'm doing and so I won't go up to somebody and ask them for directions and I just walk around like an idiot pretending I know what I'm doing, even though I don't. And so I'd say to my kids. Ohh, just go up to this person and ask and then I noticed them falling back and going. Ohh no, I don't wanna talk to somebody I you know. Somebody that worked. At the show, I don't want to and. In that moment I was like ohh my goodness, I'm now making them scared of the world. I'm putting this on to them because even if I don't say it, they can feel it from me. They're around me 24/7. And so it was in that moment when I said, Ohh, you know what, I'm gonna go up to this person. It'll be OK. I'll find the directions of where we have to go. And I went up and I had an amazing chat actually. And this person was great. It was nothing like I thought it was gonna be. And so I do actively put myself out now in those positions where I have the anxiety and I don't want to do it. But I've learned that it's usually not going to be nowhere near as bad, so that my children don't follow on with how I feel.

Carter

So it's like self care but. To benefit your children.

Kristie

I guess so. Yeah, yeah, I'm more thinking of them, but yeah, it helps me.

Carter

And what about you within yourself? What? What self care things that you do for yourself.

Kristie

I don't know, I really. I have a bedtime for all the kids when they go to bed, it's bedtime and I sit there and watch crappy TV and eat crappy food and just enjoy that time instead of doing the dishes. Yeah.

Carter

Yeah, that's one of the best self care things you can do I think is sit in front of the TV and watch. Watch your your stories and eat some food that's that's nourishing for the soul.

Kristie

Yeah. So I guess that's one of my things. I do also actively if during the day and everything's full on and there's just so much. I do put myself in time out also, even if my children are home, whether it's going outside or into my room or somewhere, and I tell them, I'm like, listen. I just need 5 minutes. OK, there's nothing wrong. Nothing going on. You're all fine. But I need 5 minutes. You know, I'm responsible for looking after you, and it's just a bit much. So just give me 5 minutes to breathe, not have to listen to anyone, not have to talk to anyone. And then I'll come back in. And we'll get at it.

Carter

It's it's good that you you communicate that with your kids as. Well, because kids aren't silly. They they always know what's going on, don't they?

Kristie

Thank you.

Carter

Yeah, yeah, we try to explain those things to our to our kids. You know, that needs a breather. So I've got autism myself. So sometimes I'll be like, oh, I swear if you guys touch me once more, I'm going to flip out. So I'm just going to leave for a little while and I'll be back soon. And for the most part, they're OK with it, but sometimes they just keep knocking on the door, like Dad. We need you. We need you. And I'm like, oh. What's going to happen? This is this is going to be a fun afternoon.

Kristie

Yeah, yeah, they get in those moments where they're just like Mum, mum, Mum, mum, mum or Dad. Dad. Dad. But yeah, but. I think it's good if we can tell them, like you say, they're smarter and they know what's going on. Hey.

Carter

Yeah, yeah. And they know what's going on. If you say that, you know, I'm all fine. I'm all fine. It's essentially gaslighting them. It's it's it's telling them that what it's telling them that they're what, what they're seeing and what they're feeling isn't.

It is just like him.

Carter

And and that's not a good thing to. Do from a young age.

Kristie

No, it's not, and it's very dismissive of them. I know my children come up to me and I guess if something's going wrong with me, I go into a silent mode and they're like, are you OK, mummy? And I'm like, I'm fine. And I know I've just said completely the wrong thing and they're like, OK. Then they walk off and just go into their room. And so not only am I not fine, but now they're not fine. And they feel like they've done something wrong because they've got no idea what's going on in my life, and now they're the ones that are even worse off than I am.

Carter

Certainly it's really easy to to be dismissive of your kids and their feelings especially. It's not from a place of like a negative place, but it's more of a a nurturing and wanting to protect them. Place like my daughter, for instance, will.

Kristie

OK.

Carter

You know, she'll hurt herself and it'll be only a minor kind of injury, but she'll be upset. No. And I'll instantly just go. Like you'll be. Right. And then I have to stop and be. Like Ohh well that's. That's telling her that her experience isn't isn't correct, and that's not the right way to go about things. So I'm really trying to implement more at the moment of instead of me saying. You'll be right. Like, are you OK? Is there anything I can do? For you, most of the time, she's like I want a band aid and I'm like, you're not bleeding though a band aids for blood. Not, not just to cover a booby.

Kristie

Oh my goodness. Band aids. My kids. They're like my leg hurts. I need a band aid and I'm like you realise band aids don't get rid of pain, don't you don't.

Carter

Yeah, I think it's like an outer side out of. Mind kind of thing.

Kristie

Yeah, it is. Yeah. We go through boxes of them.

Carter

Ohh see, I still I still don't let her have the band aids because we would go through boxes of them daily, so I'm like no band aids are for blood. You'll be OK. I'll get your face washer instead. She'll put a face washer. On any.

Kristie

I started off years ago when my older kids were younger and they wanted to buy something at the shops and I was like, no, you can't have something. So I used to buy them as a treat like wonderful mother, but their treat was like a new toothbrush or a box of band AIDS and they thought that was amazing. So that's where we got into the overuse of. Band AIDS and the. More kids came along and they got older. I made up this sorry I made up this saying. And I'm like, if you ask for something, you'll get nothing. But if you ask for nothing, you might get something. So that's works well for us now.

Carter

Ohh, I might have to use that. So my daughter is currently on a a little bit of a ban from coming to the shops with me because every time we I I go if you're. Going to come. To the shops, you can't ask for any. We don't have the money and we're not getting money out of your Money Box. You don't need chocolates. You don't need chips. We've got enough food at home and it's she's like, yeah, Dad. Yeah. I won't ask for anything, I promise. I pinky promise. And the 2nd. Where they're like. Dad, can I have? That dad can. I have that. Oh my God. Damn it, you're not coming to the shops with me anymore.

Kristie

Ohh yeah, no. My guys were like that. They were like that. But yeah. So I don't know how I came up with that saying, but I came up with that saying. But I also and people looked at me like I was the worst parent in the world. I only had to do it like two or three times. If they played up. I put them into time out at the supermarket and I said, listen, I know you just want me to leave, so I'm not leaving because we need to do this and you need to learn how to go to a supermarket. So I would sit them in a spot for two minutes and I'd be like, no, you have to sit there until you stop. We need to do our shopping. We need food. They would do it and people would look at me like I was the worst person, but I'm like, oh, my God, I'm walking around the shop with six kids. You've got no idea. I've gotta do something, and yeah, I just did that a couple of times and now they. They're pretty good.

Carter

Awesome. I think that's great. I think society is is so quick to judge people, especially if they're trying to parent their kids behaviour in public. And I don't know if it's just because it's from a place of shame in in their own. Hearts, but like just mind your business. You know like. You wouldn't be judging me if you were in the thick of it with. Six kids yourself so.

Kristie

Well, no, you wouldn't say, would you?

Carter

I don't. No. You'd be like I understand. I get it. And you know, I used to before I had kids, I used to look at. Parents who had like the leash backpacks for their kids and think like, ohh, that's disgusting. They're treating their kids like a dog, and now that I've got a 2 year old with autism, who's who, you know, could. Just bolt it any second I I get it. I totally get it. I'd rather wear a leash than run into bloody traffic.

Kristie

Well, they would. They would just run straight in front of a car and that would be the most horrific thing ever. I was against leashes also. And then I remember when I just had my eldest jet and then Alex. But this is going back. So Alex is 20 at the time. He would have been ohh. He would have been around that 2-3 year old. Mark and I took him to movie world and all those places I looked away for one second. And I lost. Alex, in one of those theme parks anyway, thankfully we found him 5 minutes later, but I found him 5 minutes later and he'd lost a shoe. He'd lost his shorts, he'd lost his jumper, and he was standing there itching. His head and I was like, Oh my God, he looks like a homeless little child. With nip or something?

Speaker

And I.

Carter

Was like 5 minutes. Is a bloody long time when you've lost a kid though, that would have felt like an absolute lifetime and.

Kristie

I I was, I'd already planned for the worst. My mind went in. Immediately to the absolute worst.

Carter

He's been taken. He's been taken. That's where your mind went.

Kristie

Yeah, yeah, that had been taken and I was going to have to go fight someone, and I don't know how to. Fight and like. Yeah, but he just like, seen some toy or something like that. And some shopkeeper brought him back out and I don't know, 2 year olds. Well, all my 2 year olds always stripped down as soon as I don't look at them so.

Carter

Well, at least you you found him. That's yet again another pretty horrible experience. But with as many kids as you've got, I'm sure you've you've got a a billion horrible experiences and a billion amazing experiences. To go with it.

Kristie

I do. I do have a been amazing experiences or funny experiences or ohh my God experiences. I don't know.

Carter

Would you care to? Share a few of those. Oh my God. Or amazing experiences.

Kristie

Oh my God experiences. Yeah, my eldest, he never. He's Down syndrome. He's also autistic and does things in his own particular way. And he's the type of kid that you cannot tell him if you're planning something. Yeah, I mean, I wanna tell him cause I'm excited and all that, but he will count it down every single day, every single hour for the next two weeks. If you tell him something, it's gonna drive me crazy. It's gonna drive him crazy. And so we just don't tell him. Anyway. The school when he was going to the special school. They always went on camps like special school is the most fun place in the world. They go bowling, they go to the cinema, they go on camps. They just do amazing fun things, teaching. The kids had to, you know, interact in everyday life anyway. I asked them. Don't tell Jet when you're going on camp. So what do they do? They tell him one month out that Jet's going to camp one month out. That's a very, very long time to have every hour on the hour, every day. Are we going to camp? Are. We going to camp anyway. We make it to about a. And I'm like Jack, I promise you were still going to camp. I'm not holding this back from you. But you are going to camp anyway. He woke up the next morning. And there's no jet in the house. There's no jet at all. And this is he never, ever left the house or, you know, went off into the world by himself. He's got his own insecurities and all that, and he feels. A bit different. But he had left the house and I have a look. He's packed a bag and he's left the house. And so I'm thinking, Oh my God, he's trying to find camp. He's gone off. He's packed his bag and he's trying to find camp. And I'm in my head swearing about the school. And I'm like, oh, my God, I told you not to say this stuff anyway, so I called the police. And as soon as you say little Down syndrome, boy has gone missing, they're out within 5 minutes. They had all the police everywhere. And in 10 minutes they were about to send a chopper out to look for him. This is we were in Mentone in Melbourne at the time, just off the Nepean Highway where office works. Yeah, and. So they're about to put this chopper up to go search for him. When my ex just happened to have been driving past and he'd gotten lost in Officeworks car Park trying to find his school. To get to camp. So thankfully he was OK and they brought him back again and I got a big lecture about how I should put all these locks on the door and put a. Tracker on him and all. And I'm like, you don't get it, he. Doesn't usually do this, it's just because. Someone told him what they shouldn't have told him. But that was definitely an ohh my God moment.

Carter

Yeah. Well, it's. He sounds like a sounds like a very, very big personality.

Kristie

Yes, he is. Just don't tell him what's happening in the future and everything's great.

Carter

Yeah, I'm very much the same. Not not to that extent. But my wife can't tell me about any sort of surprises that she's got planned or anything like that. I accidentally looked at the bank account two weeks ago, and I saw a. As a transaction for Airbnb. And I'm like, ah. Now I know I'm like now I know that we're going somewhere, but I don't know where. I don't know when and I can't tell her because she'll be. Like you really surprised us all the time. So I think I lasted maybe three days before I was like, hey, where are we going? And when I can't, I can't handle it. Anymore I need to know. She's like God dammit. Don't look at the bank account.

Kristie

You did well the last three days.

Carter

It was the most horrific 3 days of my life. Like every time I looked at it, I could feel the words trying to push their way out of. Me and I was like, no, it was. OK, so apart from jet, give me a rundown on the triplets and what are their lives like and what's their day to day like?

Kristie

So the triplets they. I would say they're my most outgoing children. They're little social butterflies. They're up for any experience up to try anything. I'm not afraid to have sleepovers at their friends, eat everything they are. Out there in a good way. They're ready to love life. Yeah, they're really good. It is. Very interesting. Challenging for me sometimes to have three children of the same age. Going through the same hormonal stuff and growing up and all that, I think it's easier if there's a little bit of a gap in the ages that you're not going through at times 3 at the same time. But I've been pretty lucky like. They don't beat each other up the way the brothers and sisters do. I mean, they'll give the odd little whack or something, or they mimic each other and they set off each other in that way. They're very in tune with each other. They don't even have to talk to each other to know what's going on. I remember when they were little and they could only just walk and I'd bought the world's largest playpen. It was massive, like I used to put them in there. My friend who had twins, her kids in there. And that's how big it was. It was just massive. And I would sit there sometimes and I would just watch them and I'd let them do it, cause I'd see them look at one another and the other one, and then they'd all look at each other. And they would all go to one side. Each of that playpen, lift it up, and walk across the room. And then the one who could climb would climb over the playpen over the play gate, into the kitchen, and they would do it all without saying anything and know exactly what was happening.

Carter

Little escape artists.

Kristie

Ah yes, I sold my furniture at one point because Ollie, he is in a past life. He must have been a mountain goat. He was the scariest child ever, ever. He I remember walking into the dining room once and I walked in there and I see Parker. Tilly, these are the triplets, Parker and. Really just standing there at the dining table and they're looking up and then they see me and they look and then they look up again and I look up and I've been cleaning the floor so all the dining table chairs were on top of the table, you know, to vacuum and mop. And I look up and there's Ollie, who had somehow gotten onto the table on top of the dining chairs. And was swinging from the light fitting from the roof. I'm like ohh my God. That's it. I'm selling everything off there. And I did.

Carter

That's absolutely amazing. Some of the experiences that you've had could be turned into A to a TV series of. That the mischief kids get up to. That's so funny.

Kristie

Ohh they they are crazy. I've had a few friends. Say you should. Write a book. I mean, I remember walking into the room once and I just had, you know, like from Kmart. One of those little 4 drawers, but with, like, the cane type drawers, just cheap. And, yeah, pull them in and out anyway. So they had gotten there.

Carter

Yep, Yep.

Kristie

And pulled. Three of the drawers out and then thought they could all climb in there, so they all climbed in there and then they all got tangled in amongst everyone's arms and legs. And we're in such a position that it took me half an hour to untangle them to get them out through the tiny little draw hole.

Carter

Well, that's that's so crazy. Yeah. So with having triplets and two sons, one with special need. The early days of. You know, nursing three babies that must have been an absolute handful and an absolute ride. Do you want to tell me a little bit about that and what your day to day looked like as far as having? Newborn triplets.

Kristie

All right, so that was umm I I always remember I had a good friend Terry. She was like one of my best friends at the time and she would always come over every day and we used. To watch this crappy. Like a Desperate Housewives show or something like that, and eat chocolate. And I always said to her, you know. What I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do it the way that I did my other kids. And it will be fine. And she was always like, no way. You're never gonna do it. It's gonna be a nightmare. It's gonna be horrific. You better organise to get some help. Like no, I just know that it will be OK anyway. The babies born at 31 weeks, they only had to stay in hospital for four weeks. They did extremely well. They put their weight on, reached their two point 2K mark and learn how to suck. Because when you're born that early, you don't know how to suck and so they learn. How to suck to drink their milk? I bought them home and I don't know. I just went into routine. Note I am not a routine person I. Being in a routine totally kills my mood, my mode and the rest of my week. If I have to stick to a rigid routine, I cannot do it. We did. I got them into a routine so they all ate at the same time, slept at the same time, pooped at the same time. And that's how I did it. And I was very lucky. They I slipped them all together. So my ex husband, he made a cop for them. And while giant bassinet. Which ended up being the same size as a cop, but anyway. And they slept together. And they were so good. I would feed them, change them, wrap them back up again, give them their kisses and hugs, say goodnight. Sweet dreams. I love you. Put them into bed and they would go off to sleep and they would sleep their whole 12 hours of the night. A freaking 3 hour nap during the day. Up until they were three, they kept that same routine and they were so good. Don't get me wrong, there was lots of awake time dramas and lots of weird things, but Oh well. For instance, when they started walking. So it's just me and all the kids and I'm really scared that. Talking about the leash, when I go out with them. I can't chase three kids in three different directions, and the next kid up is only two years older than them. So what? He's three at the time. Ohh, so when they learn to. Walk he's 4. Or five I don't know, and I'm petrified. So I spent ages and ages at home teaching them how. To walk holding hands and that's how it was so. I guess I feel like we're a little. I was a little bit of a. Cult leader and. I did a lot of things at home without any outside influence and I was like, no, this is actually how the world is sorry. And then I took him out into the world and. That's how we did it.

Carter

Yeah. Wow. And when they. Slept. So they all slept together. Do you think that they they soothed each other?

Kristie

Ohh, 100 percent 100% I it ended up being a little thing. There for a while. I had a little bit of social media back then and one of the favourite things that people love seeing was I would take these photos of when they were asleep and they always, always had to be touching each other and you could just see the calmness in the photos they yeah, if I had done it differently for my guys. I'm not sure it would have worked as well because for them this is what seemed to work. That's just the way I think it was meant to be.

Carter

Yeah. So are they still inseparable now? Like they all, they all hang out together with the same friends and.

Kristie

Everything. They all hang out together. They still do all hang out together and they've all got the same friends, although they're beginning to branch out a little bit more and they still all try to sleep in the same room. Which I let them, but I've given them their own beds and space. It's getting a bit complicated now because I have one Parker Parker, who is 9 years old, has had 20 girlfriends this year. 20 girlfriends and he has a girlfriend and whatnot and anyway. His last girlfriend was first the girlfriend of Ollie, his brother and then now it was Parker's girlfriend. And now Ollie is best friends with that girlfriend and Parker's not with that girlfriend anymore. And Tilly is like. But I just want to talk to her about GAIL stuff because. She's the only girl. So it gets. A little bit muddled at the moment, they're all. They're not. They haven't gone to. I hate you. That's it. I'm never talking to you. Don't go near me yet. They somehow still all seem to be best friends about it.

Carter

Awesome. That's such good news. My 4 year old is very much in the in that stage of like I'm not going to be your friend anymore. She says it to her, to my wife and I. Now if we don't do something that she she wants so like she'll want she wanted a dessert yesterday she asked me. She said dad, can you please make me an extra special dessert for dinner tonight? So I was like, OK, I'll do that. I had yesterday off and my son and and my youngest. Was at home, she went to kinda. So I like spent the afternoon making like double choc fudge brownies for it.

Kristie

Ohh wow.

Carter

But the the rule. Was you don't get brownies for dessert unless you finish what's on your plate for dinner. And it was chips and Schnitzel. So it's not a hard enough to eat and we know she likes it, but she just didn't wanna eat it. She just wanted to eat her dessert. And I said you're not getting dessert unless you finish this. This is the rule that we made. This is the deal we made. Pinky promised. And every. And you need to keep your word and she said. My best friend anymore.

Kristie

She's emotionally blackmailing you.

Carter

Yeah, yeah. And I'm. Like that's OK, I I don't need to be your best friend. I'm still your dad. And she was like, damn it that. Doesn't that works? So she begrudgingly ate her her meal. She had to let me feed her for a little while or asked me to feed her for a little while. And I'll. I'll do it every now and then, cause you know, I know that she knows how to feed herself, but in those moments, I feel like if she's that emotionally worked up, it's easier just to kind of give. In and. And feed her.

Kristie

Well, yeah, and it makes them feel special, you know, gotta give them those little special moments. Yeah.

Carter

It does. Yeah. And she's very, very jealous. She like, if I'm tickling her brother or playing with her sister, she'll come up and she'll be like, it's my turn. It's my turn. Why do you do it to them and not to me? You're not my best friend. Anymore. And she'll. Fold her arms and run off to her room and a half. She's a little threenager.

Kristie

Well, I swear, three years old is harder than. Two years old.

Carter

Yeah, yeah. Everyone said that terrible twos was going to be the worst, but three was by far the worst with her and my son's about to turn 3 in August. And it's already starting to lean that way with him as. Well, so hopefully four's better. For my oldest, we'll see what happens.

Kristie

I don't know. Yeah, I like 4-4 and five. 4-5 and six I think are really good. Then age 7, there's a lot of outside influence from other kids and you gotta like, but my friend gets to do this, but my friend gets to do that and I'm like, well, I'm not your friend's mum, so I can't help you there. But yeah, there's a lot of outside influence then.

Carter

Yeah, she can't wait till she's 5 because she. Gets to go. To school. She's very, very excited for school. She's.

Kristie

Ohh well that's really good for you guys.

Carter

Yeah, she's already talking about it every day. Like Dad, when I turn 5 soon, I'm going to go to big girl school and I'm going to have sleepovers with my friends.

Kristie

It's very cute.

Carter

Yeah, but she still can't tell me a single friend's name when she goes to Kinder. So how was your day? Who did you hang? Out with I. Don't know their names, but then I'll drop her off and. Everyone's parents are like ohh, so this is your daughter like she's. Royalty in our house and I'm like cool. Who? Are you and? Who are your kids? You haven't heard anything? Yeah. So she's she's very much just closed off with that type of stuff. I don't know if she just doesn't care or if she. Just doesn't want to tell us.

Kristie

I think it's the same for a lot of kids because my 12 year old is like that. It's like. Pulling wisdom teeth to try and get any information from him at all, and he seems fine and happy and I'm like. Well, I guess if you're fine and happy, but share a little bit with me.

Carter

Yeah, but they'll do the coolest things. So like, I'll ask you, how was your day at Kendra? And she be like, yeah, good. And I'll be like, what do you do? I just play outside, play with water for a little bit and then I'll see photos that get sent through was from Kinder. Where she's like held a. Koala that day. Like what about this and she's? Like, Oh yeah, that happened.

Speaker

I was.

Carter

I'm mind blown. I'm like you held a koala. I don't think you understand how cool that is.

Kristie

No, they don't. They've got a very a very ohh. What's that old saying? Like just give them a box and they'll be happy 4 hours.

Carter

Yeah, yeah, 100%. Everything's a little just blase to them. They don't. They don't understand the the gravity of certain things. So you've got your two year old now and what's the gap between your two year old and your next born? Previous boards.

Kristie

So the two year old is the next one after the triplet, so they're nine. So they're turning. Yeah. So they're turning 10 and three within a week of each other.

Carter

Yeah. So seven year gap.

Kristie

Seven years. Is that yeah. Yeah, so.

Carter

So what was it like to learn of the news that you were having having the the newest one, seven years after the triplets?

Kristie

It was a lot of. It was maybe probably the hardest to get around in my head. Even though I went through the quads, the Down syndrome, you know, I've got a redhead, even I've got all sorts of kids this. What's the hardest this was like, and especially because. Don't get me wrong, I love baby Jack and he's loved by everyone and I wouldn't have it any other way. But going back to as it was happening. It was, and I had, since I'd had the triplets I had searched for a doctor to give me a hysterectomy. I want a hysterectomy. I want my no. You might want more children. I'm like, I don't want more children. I've gone through every scenario. You know, the Down syndrome. I've lost a baby. I've had multiples. The redhead. Everything I've gone through, every type of scenario that there is in my. Old and they're like you're still young. I'm like, Oh my goodness. And because I have extreme heavy bleeding. That's one of the main reasons also. And they wouldn't give me one. So I went doctor shopping. I've been Victoria, NSW NT can't get a freaking hysterectomy. Anyway, so I had the Marina in. That's what they would give me. I'm like ohh. OK, so anyway, my Marina comes to the five years, they can't get the damn thing out. Like impossible to get out and it has to come out. And once again I saw doctors in NSW and in the antique. Anyway, they finally get the Marina out. And I'm like, OK. I'm going to go on some regular birth control. Because I really want this hysterectomy. You know, I don't wanna keep going through this. And anyway, that was in the time that I got pregnant. After that, Marina came out and trying to anyway. It was something that you know, myself and my partner we're always like ohh, how great would it be to have our own child? Because we don't have a child together. We've been together for like 7 or so years or something, but we don't have a child together and he's got two children of his own. You were older. Anyway, but it was never really decided upon and but then we weren't preventing it either. So anyway. One day, you know what that test come back positive and I'm like, oh, my God, I'm pregnant. And he's like what? No way. And I'm like, yes. And so then I go to the shop and I buy one of those tests that say yes or no. And I pee on it. And I'm like, see, it says, yeah, I'm pregnant. Like, he's like, wow. And I'm like, yeah, I know. Right. And anyway, this was in the. Start of COVID also and so we couldn't go to doctor's appointments together or ultrasound appointments together. Anyway I booked in my ultrasound. I booked an early one and I convinced this doctor I'm like hey, I need an ultrasound now. I need to know because I am so scared of this being 4 babies. Book me in so they book me and they do notice that I'm like, OK, then I convince them to do another 1-2 weeks later. I'm like, I know those babies can appear so fast after you only see one and then see two. Anyway, so I did that for like the 1st 12 weeks going backwards and forth on ultrasounds, and I do actually think Jack was a twin. There was one ultrasound where I've got the picture and it looked like 2 sacks. But the lady wouldn't answer me on it. And she's like, have you had bleeding? And I had had bleeding I and I hadn't had bleeding at the start of a pregnancy before. Like I had this one. So I think maybe he was, but. You know when things are that early, they don't really. Tell you a. Lot but anyway, so I get pregnant. I'm having this baby. They're like. Oh my God. All my kids are at school now. I have a job. I'm like, getting out there. Mark and I are going out for dinners. I've gotta live in Obair. It's like lifes, really flowing great. You know, I can go to my work. I've got someone cleaning up my house. I've got the other children. They're off. All off to school, got their friends. All that type of thing and. I have to start this from the start again like the very start, just as I've finally reached that mum independent stage. Yeah. And I'm starting all over again. What am I doing? Like why? That was my hardest thing of going back to the very start. Already being I sat down and I'm like. I've already been driving kids to school for 24 years. I make over 1000 meals every week for everybody. I do this, I do that and I'm like, why am I adding to it? It was it wasn't, it wasn't. I don't want this child, but it was coming to terms with having to. Start from the start again.

Carter

Yeah, I think it's. It's totally OK to feel that way after having that independence. It would have been pretty daunting to come to terms with starting it all over again, but obviously now you've got your little 2 year old Jack, was it?

Kristie

Yeah, Jack.

Carter

And and lifes just as good as it was, I'm I'm guessing.

Kristie

Life's just as good. He is a little terror and as unbelievable as this will sound, I find him harder than having triplet babies. He is. Well, he's. Got a very different dynamic. I think he is so young with lots of lots of much older siblings and so from the get go he's been like, don't treat me like a baby. I'm just as old as them. And so we skipped a lot of steps with him because he's like, Nope, if they can do it, I can do it. But then the other ones are like. Yeah, Jack, you're cool and all that, but only for half an hour, then. Now I wanna go off and, you know, listen to my music or go out with my friends or something like that. And he is very much a. He does the emotional blackmail, also at 2 years old, and he will scream and until he gets it. And so we're going through a stage of, you know, what you do not get it until you talk nicely to me. And until you stop screaming and. Everybody else will give in a lot faster than I will, but I know that if I hold my ground, it'll be easier in the future and if I keep giving in, this is going to go for 10 years longer. Than it should, yeah.

Carter

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for sharing everything with me, Christy, just before we wrap up, is there anything else you want to add? If you could snap your fingers and change anything. About your experiences, maybe the medical side of things. What would it be? You said that you're starting a business. Do you want to talk about that real quick or kind of plug that if anyone in Bendigo needs anything?

Kristie

Well, yeah, give it a quick little plug. It's MTC contracting, it's gardening and landscaping. So we're just starting out, although we're doing extremely well for having. Just started out. I could change anything. You know what? I don't think I would change anything. I'm all those experiences and where they might have driven me crazy at the time and. Bring me absolutely batshit crazy and like I could go on for like literally could write a book. I'm happy right now and my kids are pretty. I think we're doing pretty OK for what's. I don't know how better to explain it. Ohh, one thing I would like to say is. I just would like to put it out there that people bring this up to me. They're like. For a long time I didn't know what to call my babies when I had the triplets, and so I called them the babies I was like, I know I was pregnant with quads. I gave birth to four babies, but now I've got three babies. And so once and lots of people will call them the quads, and some people will call them the triplets, you know, and for me, I'm like. I don't know. And so when they were about 3-4, I sat them down and I asked them what they wanted to be called and they said, listen. Their sisters called Sonny, they said, and I've always been open about it and they know about sunny and all that. And they said, you know what? We love, sunny. We miss sunny. We wish she could be here. But. We want to be called triplets and. If anybody asks, we can just tell them and do you know what we'll be in the supermarket? People, they'll look at the boys in particular and go ohh. Are you twins and Tilly? You'll go. Hmm. Hey, we're triplets. And then one of the boys, Parker, usually he goes actually wear quads and that we have a sister called Sonny. But she died and some people go silent and go. OK bye. Or some people go, you know, get into a conversation. But they're very open about it. And so I just wanted to put that out there because I gave them that choice and that's their decision, because I feel like. That's more of their choice than my choice of who they should be called and what they are.

Carter

Yeah, definitely. I think it's great that that they have an understanding and that they are open to talk about it. It shows great emotional intelligence for a nine year old.

Kristie

OK.

Carter

Really, really cool. Well, Christy, thank you so much for your time. I hope you enjoyed having a chat with me as much as I enjoyed having a chat with you. And thank you for sharing a portion of your life and your journey in parenthood. It's it's been great.

Kristie

Yeah. Well, thank you for having me. Yeah, I could have chatted them for ages. I guess I get a bit chatty.

Carter

That's OK. Well, I hope you are one day. Do write a book. Cause I would definitely read it.

Kristie

Well, I will definitely let you know if I do. OK, bye.

Carter

Beautiful. Alright, thank you so much. Have a good day.

Kristie

Thank you. Bye.

Speaker 4

Wake up. It's another day. Try and find a way to make it so my life is a better place. It says one thing I see, then the only thing it's me just knowing that I'm trying to make a get up. The other mouse is coming by repeatedly. There's something I know. Echo just knowing that.