On this episode of the Touched Out Podcast episode Fiona and I discuss various aspects of parenting, shedding light on the impact of emotional burnout and the significance of self-care not just for the individual but also for everyone around them. Fiona opens up about her personal journey, sharing her diagnoses of OSDD, complex PTSD, and disordered eating, which stem from past traumas and greatly affect her daily life.
Other topics discussed include:
Head to the podcast Instagram and hit the bio link to sign up for preorder today.
Thanks for listening to The Touched Out podcast! I hope you enjoyed this episode.
If you have any comments or suggestions, please send me an email at touchedoutpodcast@gmail.com. You can also follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/touchedoutpodcast for updates and behind-the-scenes content.
If you liked this episode, please consider sharing to your social media, discussing with your community and leave a rating and review to help others discover my show.
If you or someone you know are experiencing mental health problems, we encourage you to reach out for help. You can call the Lifeline Australia helpline at 13 11 14 or for parents struggling with postnatal mental health reach out to PANDA at 13 22 89 (www.panda.org.au)
Special thanks to the following friends and partners:
Luke: https://www.tiktok.com/@aka.lukeandrew
Intro music: https://instagram.com/6157sound
DJ City - TOUCHEDOUTPODCAST10 FOR 10% off purchase https://glnk.io/y30kv/touchedoutpodcast
Kaiko Fidgets - https://kaikofidgets.com
Don't forget to subscribe to The Touched Out podcast on your podcast platform of choice so you never miss an episode.
Thanks again for listening and keep on keeping on!
On this episode of the Touched Out Podcast episode Fiona and I discuss various aspects of parenting, shedding light on the impact of emotional burnout and the significance of self-care not just for the individual but also for everyone around them. Fiona opens up about her personal journey, sharing her diagnoses of OSDD, complex PTSD, and disordered eating, which stem from past traumas and greatly affect her daily life.
Other topics discussed include:
Head to the podcast Instagram and hit the bio link to sign up for preorder today.
Thanks for listening to The Touched Out podcast! I hope you enjoyed this episode.
If you have any comments or suggestions, please send me an email at touchedoutpodcast@gmail.com. You can also follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/touchedoutpodcast for updates and behind-the-scenes content.
If you liked this episode, please consider sharing to your social media, discussing with your community and leave a rating and review to help others discover my show.
If you or someone you know are experiencing mental health problems, we encourage you to reach out for help. You can call the Lifeline Australia helpline at 13 11 14 or for parents struggling with postnatal mental health reach out to PANDA at 13 22 89 (www.panda.org.au)
Special thanks to the following friends and partners:
Luke: https://www.tiktok.com/@aka.lukeandrew
Intro music: https://instagram.com/6157sound
DJ City - TOUCHEDOUTPODCAST10 FOR 10% off purchase https://glnk.io/y30kv/touchedoutpodcast
Kaiko Fidgets - https://kaikofidgets.com
Don't forget to subscribe to The Touched Out podcast on your podcast platform of choice so you never miss an episode.
Thanks again for listening and keep on keeping on!
Yourself, g'day guys, welcome to.
A new episode of the Touched Out Podcast.
And I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
No lies spins up, so take everything from everything.
36 years old with 118 month old boy Jacqueline.
So much for joining us. Declan. What?
Joining us start off with telling us a little bit about you a little.
Family a little bit about your past.
Buckle up. Let's start with the fact that.
I am pretty open and share on my Instagram a lot that I am an adopted person.
I am the first person in four generations that I.
Keep my biological child and will be.
That's it. And how long have you and your?
Spouse been together? Where you.
Congratulations for that. 10 years is a big milestone, isn't it?
And you know, we haven't killed each.
Doesn't happen. I don't wanna have to start a new podcast about murder. To have you on.
Yeah. So to start to my husband is.
What we would call a normal human being.
We take it both very seriously cause.
We both come from abuse background.
If we were going to do this, it was going to be, you know, for the.
Betterment of another human being.
Any other reason? Definitely my pregnancy.
Was a merchant marine so it's a non.
He since then has taken a job land wise just because since the birth of our son, we.
Was completely unmanageable and undoable as well as.
We we'd rather make less money and.
Yeah, definitely. Ohh, it's great you have that that supporting your partner to realise that.
Oh, he's he's absolutely brilliant. I can't give Trevor a shout out enough that he is an.
The situation he's just very camera shy.
That's why he's not here. That's.
Yeah, I'll thank you. So before before parenthood.
Business my business is I make.
It's a little bit about the money, but honestly it started to give me another identity and just.
Parenthood household in in marriage to just kind of, you know, lose myself in.
Ourselves collected and be the kind of parents.
Ourselves, we absolutely cannot achieve what we want as parents.
Or your surroundings instead of for yourself. And you definitely lose your identity in it.
I was ready for the isolation. Were you ready for the isolation of parenthood?
I mean, yes and no. I I mean prior to.
That we, my wife and I did go out a lot. We were a lot more social, but it wasn't in a healthy way.
It wasn't in a self care way it.
Was. I wouldn't say it was destructive, but it maybe was leaning towards that a.
Little bit more than I should have.
Yeah, it's not benefiting you anymore.
To your mental health diagnosis.
A little bit because you did use some vernacular.
Both did get during your traumatic experiences. Mine started very, very early and didn't end until.
Early adulthood, so all those.
Experiences led me to have the ability to deep.
In a kind of an amnesia state.
Much an autopilot kind of thing.
Yes, and I found in parenthood that.
With staying in the moment, staying present.
And not letting the overwhelming things that are always to do in adulthood.
Crush my parenthood experience.
It to it, it is very easy to get so caught in here.
Of it. Yeah, yeah. Certainly. And your other diagnosis?
Overlap. I tend to attract a lot of friends and relate well to autistic.
Those type of parents and communities.
We all tend to have a lot of enough in.
Huge community out there, especially on Instagram.
For everyone, no matter where you fall on.
And you know, putting the feelers out for guests and.
That that are, are, are really really great tools, so you know the Internet.
Parenting and you're focused on breaking cycle.
We'll use like time out space.
To mean more of taking a break to.
Regulate then a punishment sense. We believe in our child's autonomy so.
Circumcised both because of that autonomy and.
Along with other reasons, we won't.
Cut his hair other than to keep.
Know it, it sounds so radical. When?
Yeah, I'm living. I'm living in.
But you know, as as far as gentle parenting and and the vast.
Who stay. They are gentle parents, is what we see posted online in you know.
You know, if I lose my **** with my children, I am sure I have space to calm myself and regulate.
And then apologised to them and make sure that they understand.
Oh, I think we have those too.
They take them to daycare every day.
It's an incredible tool. They've got 2 little buttons, one of them plays.
Each order comes with a book. I'm not sponsored by them in any way, but I will send them this.
Afterwards, to see if they're interested.
I I got them as a gift. I got them as a gift and didn't even know the correct name for them.
Adores it. I know exactly what you talking about. I didn't know that was the name for.
Them and I I recommend them all the time.
Gentle parent, which is super cool.
I did a lot of research on a lot.
Of parenting styles, because while I won't say.
That there weren't good things and.
There was a lot of things that.
And that left me feeling like I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I.
Responses I was taught as a child by my parents.
Children and that seems like such a.
Well, it does, because he's 18 months old.
Lead me to being a good adult, but let me to being a good adult was being a.
Of the emotionally regulated and respected human being.
Is to say because I I you know I have.
******** on his fatherhood because he was brought up in.
Time I have since been able to process.
Have that as a millennial raised.
By boomers, I don't know if that.
But part of the reason I went no contact is because that conversation wasn't ever allowed to happen.
Own hour about what my parents survived to.
They are. I pulled no punches that my parents are extremely.
People slip into the subconscious.
That better. I am sorry I scared you. What? I don't know how to make you know. Kiss to.
Make it better and he watches.
Will take great breaths together and things like.
Found luckily through therapy is that it's not.
Important to be perfect. It's important that.
They go through that process with you and they see how did you regulate?
We want them to do those exact same things.
Yeah, we want them to regulate, communicate and then hopefully.
He'll move on, make right, and move on.
Parents you know, as we all heal as a generation.
I I gave birth at 35, two weeks short of 36 and my son made me grow up.
He makes me use them every single day.
Yeah, and they are such such sponges and. And you will come to find out you your son's 18 months.
So you know speech and things like that are on the horizon for you probably already saying a couple.
And then I I tell you that you don't do what I want you to do.
You know, and that's learned behaviour.
For having the security though to turn to you.
And say, hey, this isn't fair.
Dude, she is so incredibly intelligent and it blows my mind every single.
I let her direct me home, so she sits in the back in the middle, so she has.
Home. Yeah. Do you not ever underestimate. I was an auntie.
Hello. Hello. Welcome back from the.
So sorry about the the issues that I'm having.
Granted, there's like four or five turns, but she's.
Very, very aware of everything.
And even when I ask her about these things and say, you know, you're incredibly smart.
And I'm so proud of you. And she says I.
Especially, she says. Uh. I just like to supervise.
I see great things in that future.
Yeah, yeah, she's too smart for her own good. She definitely catches me on a lot of a lot of.
Things that I'm able to correct, which is great.
Just we know they have a limited potential, but I.
Of times we underestimate how observant and intelligent and ready.
You just have to, you know, you just give them enough, your 4 year olds not ready to.
Drive, but they're ready to give you directions.
I think that's what separates. It sounds so snotty.
Loud, but I will and the Internet will hate me for it.
But I think it's what separates the the doing their.
Do things against the grain and.
And they feel guilty when they see me.
What's funny? I don't judge you at all.
I don't give two *****. You could give your kid 20 hours a day, if that's what you choose to do.
Just feel the sanctimonious like online moms coming for.
Them I do it for my own reasons.
And views and preferred outcomes of things that they do and.
A healthy family is the is at.
You ever bought for your household?
Ever seen children that are so well mannered and so well behaved and?
Drinking a whiskey or having a smoke or doing whatever you need to do to get by yourself as a human.
In yourself that you are a good parent.
I I read 4 separate specialised books about traumatised people parenting.
Thinking it was going to magically give me the key.
They didn't, but I got a PhD in reading.
Take away there was that exact sentiment.
It it means you're self reflecting.
Enough to change and that's the important part.
Too, I sound so Zen and perfect.
My coffee. I don't like talking that.
Way, but it's going to happen. It's, you know, and.
Is it's saying I'm in the difficult stage at.
And I already get looks in stores for people kind of give me the look.
Of like smack your kid and get him to shut up.
Take for us to peacefully leave that aisle and continue our shopping trip.
I have the privilege of having.
The spare time it's not easy. I don't like it.
It's not, no, but nothing worthwhile ever is easy.
Old my child already does the candle blow in and out.
Really mad. He is starting to hit and swing.
But he already has shown signs of like.
He'll raise and then I'll kind of give.
And then he'll just go, which is I'm mad.
So he has a mad hug that he does.
That we learned through one of the.
Parenting books it's showing me already that no matter how.
Dumb I might feel. And how many dirty?
Because I might get it's paying.
Holes and walls and mass shootings.
Yeah, I mean, I'm. I'm sure there's a whole host of other reasons, but yeah, definitely.
Big, big contributor. Yeah, yeah.
Teacher and my cousin survived Columbine, so I never directly survived a.
It's it's a serious conversation. Unfortunately, these young people are having in college.
In case a bullet you know goes through their backs.
Yeah, I my husband and I already worried about affording.
Kindergarten. They tend to go about 300.
Dollars and we're a low income family.
It's just as harmful as it is good.
Adore social media say that knowing I'm addicted to my cell phone, I said major radio is born.
Rise of the Internet I have watched.
And my friend's children since I waited so long come up in.
It and how that both like I said it's.
I think that's a lot of contributing factors. That's something a.
Trying to get their attention.
To the public school systems here.
But as a stay at home parent I.
See just how much faces American parents and why so much of it symptomatic?
Often again symptomatic of things that.
Are out of their control. If we weren't working.
90 hours a week with both parents.
Little bit more patience when Timmy throws a **** fit in the Fred Meyer frozen section.
Really really trying to make sure that you recognise your disadvantages.
And acknowledge that and let yourself say like this is.
My friends looked at me, horrified because.
I don't think you're allowed to say this.
Trying to explain them like I.
Is in the emotional labour and the physical labour and.
Have kids. There is no before.
Has nothing to do with my baby.
And I think fatherhood, too, has been a a hard adjustment on my on my husband.
Since I waited till I was over.
I think at the end of day, if I had never had children, I would have died.
Well, but once you have children.
Back the idea of just not having children anymore is just unimaginable. Like it just is.
No matter how miserable you are, it is in that moment.
Back and there is no the person you became the man you became a parent is is different than.
To you? Ohh. I didn't expect that. And and it remains.
Day I'm not the perfect parent.
I'm not a perfect human. No, no human is. I do the best I can with.
Always grow up with nothing but love from me.
I I had the same moment he was.
Asleep in the little in the little.
Bassinet, you know, and my husband was passed out on the.
He had pulled the bassinet closer to him because he had fuss and he was trying to let me.
Sleep and I remember I looked over and just said.
Everything I had and everything I've ever had.
And I said, I mean that to this day, but I won't give you everything I had. And I will give you.
About what do you want your child to be?
Assumption of married a career, I say.
I I I guess I would prefer you.
But for now, he I just really.
My youngest God child is 3 so I have.
Of Godchildren, there's 12 all together. They're all my.
So before Declan, I had many, many years of.
The same, just like your dogs.
Same, but I've had the pleasure of watching.
And we told him, and the first thing he said. Well, first two.
Then, he said, why is that? Because.
You were my rich auntie. Kids make you poor. Well, he's right. So he's right about that one.
But the second thing he said is I.
Fantastic, because you always you always apologised.
When you made a mistake, Auntie.
You know, sometimes I'm sure, like, since your kids are older, you started to see the benefits.
And I am the opposite team where everyone's.
Like, oh, team babies, infants are the.
I cannot wait till he can walk. I cannot wait till he can talk. I.
Cannot wait till you can tell me what.
He wants without throwing something against the wall.
Shut up. Shut up. Go back. Go back to.
Just being cute and not being able to say.
It's also really, really cool.
Because, yeah, so. So my daughter's 4.
One toe and say look at me and I.
Hope to keep that spirit, but all ready to.
To pick up basic empathy like the dog hurt his paw. And so we were.
Kissing it and patting the dog on the head.
Feel better? You know, just those little moments.
Human. You're going to become and.
She wants to grow up to be a doctor and help other babies like her brother.
Many bruises on my legs because that table will.
Yeah, we joke that daddy's always got a broken toe because because I generally do I I just.
Space now just like looking forward to like.
Come on, toddler hood. Just a little the.
Next stage, the stage where you bite.
Yeah. Ohh, she still bites me, but it's in.
Soon it don't. Don't tell me the truth.
Yeah, industrially, is. Is like is spanking and yelling at your kids still seen as more of a normal?
But you know, there is definitely more of an emergence of people that are against that behaviour.
Backhanded not necessarily spanking.
But more of again, the undertone is control your.
Control do you have over me screaming?
In the middle of the aisle right now.
It was just a curious thing. I've always wondered.
The sound of it, especially you just.
You, you foster so much without any fear overly.
And I actually have to fight it.
In an extremely authoritarian household, my instinct, if I'm not careful, is to control the emotion.
Styles of parenting and how we probably shouldn't.
You know, I won't lie. I've I have given my my two oldest a little tap once and.
In look in that in that moment and with what was happening and with everyone's emotional state.
Before you know, we had the conversations.
So there's there's things that you need to.
Then my son was born and I was like, Yep, circumcision and then.
Just so he was like his dad. Sorry for anyone that didn't need to know that, but anyway.
The autonomy. So my son is uncircumcised and will remain that way.
My, my, my husband was raised by a.
Her time. So she came to the same conclusion.
They weren't religious and she.
Believed it was a violation as Bob Lay.
Tony. And so when we found out we.
Were having a son I didn't even.
No, no, no. And I said OK and.
Of my friends and family, which is.
Again, it pushes against that.
Societal norm. And it was funny how?
Something from him. He was born with. If he wants it removed by the time he's 18, I'll pay for.
It because I didn't do it when an infant fair is fair.
I'm in no way, you know, treading on a parents decision to do that. You know it is.
Any types of parenting it's it's just, it's just to talk about our own experiences so.
About the podcast. That's why I I agreed once I.
Again, it's nice to hear people have.
Immediately have to be defensive or bad. You know it.
And you know, I myself had been on a a weight loss journey and all.
Lost over the last couple of years like 40 kilos.
In my early 20s and I replaced.
A drug addiction with a food addiction.
And and I and I realise very quickly that.
You know, you could too much of anything is unhealthy. Yeah. If you're going to sit there.
Going to be good for you. Yeah, yeah.
So that's how we we go with food. Our kids are incredibly picky eaters.
A. A fair few different types of food every night. We don't specifically cook meals.
Them and was like, hey, anything you wanna point me in?
And they point me in the direction of a.
Me was offer at least three food.
Groups a meal and make sure they at least eat.
You should push for two and then.
You know, you just kind of let them. And I've noticed that by.
Weaning and started eating on his own once I.
Safe and acceptable that we were eating. We haven't.
You know, I take it very seriously because I I understand fat phobia. I've lived it.
Issues that arose because of my weight I.
Deeply how unhealthy relationship?
Find that my friends, look at me shocked when I I gently say stuff.
Good food. That's a moral value. Bad food is food.
That's gonna make it has more.
A simple thing, but it's very.
Important especially to me in recovery we don't. We try not to.
Moral value to food. We offer multiple food groups. There's no pressure to eat.
Me very radical. Sit the baby down and make him eat.
I I do find myself getting frustrated if they.
And I, you know, start doing the whole like if you eat this I'll, you know give.
He has handed his juice pouch for our trip.
And things. And if I do not have one. Ooh, I'm.
In trouble so I am not against.
Take the grace. I'll keep going.
That's the most important thing.
About wraps us up. Is there anything else that you want to discuss?
But you know, I'll focus on this for now and see how this keeps going and tracking, hopefully.
No worries. You have a great day.
You have a great night or day.
Tonight so I should get some sleep. Alright. Hurry.
China make a change it up, put it all on me and all the other mountains coming by repeating.
Just knowing that in China make a change.