Comrade Harrison: From non-verbal to Russian spy - The story of a Fathers love, hope & resilience

In this episode Carter chats with Martin, a father from Perth, to discuss his journey as the Father of Harrison who was diagnosed with Autism at 2 years of age after going completely non-verbal. Martin shares his personal experiences, struggles, and triumphs, providing valuable insights into the challenges faced by his family. The conversation also touches on the importance of support networks, the impact of an autism diagnosis on family dynamics, and the need for accessible resources for the autism community. Martin's candidness and vulnerability shed light on the often overlooked aspects of parenting a child with autism and offer a message of hope and resilience.

Notable discussions in this episode include:

• Martin's emotional journey upon receiving his son Harrison's autism diagnosis and his feelings of confusion and uncertainty about the future.
• The struggles Martin and his wife faced in opening up to their family and friends about their son's autism.
• Martin and Carter's shared love of music and the significance of self-expression through art.
• The impact of an autism diagnosis on family life and the challenges faced by parents in navigating the early days of the diagnosis.
• The importance of early intervention, resources for dads with autistic children, and the benefits of raising a child with autism.

Head to the podcast Instagram and hit the bio link to sign up for preorder today.

Transcript

[Carter]: 0:00

Starting now, it will come up. I can just edit all of this out. So see how it says the 0% uploaded next to our names.

[Martin Lloyd]: 0:17

No.

[Carter]: 0:18

Okay. So

[Martin Lloyd]: 0:19

This is

[Carter]: 0:20

it's

[Martin Lloyd]: 0:20

Martin

[Carter]: 0:20

saying,

[Martin Lloyd]: 0:20

Lloyd and Carter.

[Carter]: 0:21

okay, that must just be on my end, but it looks like we are both uploading. I'm on 99%. You are on

[Martin Lloyd]: 0:27

Yeah, I can see it now. It's a bit higher up. It's like 44%

[Carter]: 0:30

30,

[Martin Lloyd]: 0:30

now.

[Carter]: 0:31

36%, 43. Yeah. Um, so basically after the recording is done and I say, goodbye, I'll stop the recording, but don't exit out.

[Martin Lloyd]: 0:40

show.

[Carter]: 0:40

Um, because we just need to wait until that upload hits a hundred percent on your side, so I can get both sides of the conversation, basically

[Martin Lloyd]: 0:46

Yeah, cool.

[Carter]: 0:47

how this it works is it records your side of the conversation locally to your computer and then simultaneously uploads it to their service. So

[Martin Lloyd]: 0:57

Yeah.

[Carter]: 0:58

it's, it's a good way of not losing shit if it works fucking correctly. Anyways, we shall fucking get into it.

[Martin Lloyd]: 1:07

Nice.

[Carter]: 1:09

Give me two seconds. It's definitely not vodka in this cup. It is,

[Martin Lloyd]: 1:16

the

[Carter]: 1:16

but it's not. All right.

[Martin Lloyd]: 1:19

Thanks for watching!

[Carter]: 1:21

So today we have Harrison from Perth. Is that correct?

[Martin Lloyd]: 1:26

I'm Martin. Harrison's

[Carter]: 1:28

Sorry,

[Martin Lloyd]: 1:28

my little boy.

[Carter]: 1:28

fuck hers. Let me start that again. I am sorry Jesus. I shouldn't be drinking vodka. All right

[Martin Lloyd]: 1:33

Cut!

[Carter]: 1:37

Okay, so today we have Martin from Perth Martin has a eight-year-old son named Harrison. Thank you so much for joining us Martin. How are you going today?

[Martin Lloyd]: 1:48

Really good mate, thanks for having me. This is incredible. I'm really excited to be a part of this. Just excited for your podcast in general. I think it's really important that we have more of this material out in Australia. I think there's a lack of it. And I'm really impressed that you've gone and started this up mate. It's incredible.

[Carter]: 2:11

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. So first of all, let's delve into your life. Give us the lowdown on yourself and your family.

[Martin Lloyd]: 2:23

Sure, so today actually is my 10 year wedding anniversary with my wife Ainsley. So

[Carter]: 2:31

Oh, congratulations.

[Martin Lloyd]: 2:31

we got married. Thanks mate. So we got married in 2013 and Harrison came along in 2015.

[Carter]: 2:41

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 2:42

And like all new parents, we were so super happy about bringing him into our lives. the classic thing of planning what his future was going to look like and he was going to play soccer and he was going to do this and he was going to travel like his dad and listen to pop punk like his dad and play in bands and dance like his mom and he had he hit all the benchmarks for early development

[Carter]: 3:15

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 3:15

and then quite early on we noticed some regression and it was mainly in his And you know as parents when something is not quite right. And despite the fact that we would go to our friends and family for comforts and they would tell you things like, oh, it's fine. You know, you're the same. You didn't speak until you were four. And they would tell you all these lies to sort of comfort you and make you feel better. And yeah, no, my nephew is really shy as well. that you know something wasn't quite right there so we went and started the process for an early autism assessment and

[Carter]: 4:03

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 4:03

it came back that Harrison hit the hallmarks for autism and that was I remember that being just emotionally one of the most difficult days of my life like having having doctors confirm it No one in my family has autism. And I'm a very visual person. The type of work that I do is very visual, very hands on. So I struggled to understand what Harrison's future looked like, and that was a big issue for me. I guess if someone, if you went to a doctor and someone said, your child has a cold, you say, okay, well, what medicine do I give him?

[Carter]: 4:50

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 4:51

And for me, they were telling me that Harrison had an illness or an impairment or whatever I was sort of processing that as.

[Carter]: 5:01

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 5:01

And I was like, okay, how do I fix it? Or how do I help it? What does he need? Because he was so young and obviously they couldn't tell me. I struggled with that massively. Because, you know, as parents, all we want to do is help our babies. And when

[Carter]: 5:20

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 5:20

they have these struggles and they're not even, they are and the doctors won't commit to telling you what they are because in looking back now in fairness how could they have possibly known?

[Carter]: 5:31

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 5:33

So yeah it was a really difficult time. Aside from that I started to get obviously very upset about it my wife did as well for obvious reasons

[Carter]: 5:47

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 5:47

but we still had to put on that brave face thing happened where around this time, basically all of our best friends had these amazing things happen in their lives and they all moved overseas. So

[Carter]: 6:05

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 6:06

one friend moved to Melbourne, another friend moved to America, another friend moved to the UK, another friend moved to Ireland. And within like about eight months, our entire support network of friends had just had gone. way completely. So we found

[Carter]: 6:25

Yeah,

[Martin Lloyd]: 6:25

ourselves

[Carter]: 6:25

well.

[Martin Lloyd]: 6:25

in a situation where it was our closest friends had kind of dispersed. It was just my wife and I. We still had our family here who were incredible. But it's not always that easy to open up to those people, I suppose.

[Carter]: 6:41

Thanks for watching!

[Martin Lloyd]: 6:41

And especially being a man, and men typically are pretty crap at talking about their emotions.

[Carter]: 6:52

Especially with family as well. Um,

[Martin Lloyd]: 6:54

Yeah.

[Carter]: 6:54

you know, you tend to find, especially, um, you know, in like a, a friendship group or a community that's, you know, focused on music, which I can see you've got your guitars in your, in the background, we've had a little

[Martin Lloyd]: 7:06

Yeah.

[Carter]: 7:06

discussion surrounding, uh, our love for music, uh,

[Martin Lloyd]: 7:10

Yeah.

[Carter]: 7:10

prior to recording. Um, you know, you, you find those types of friends that have those similar interests that, uh, you tend to be able to open up to a lot, a lot

[Martin Lloyd]: 7:20

Absolutely.

[Carter]: 7:20

more and a you would be able to with your father.

[Martin Lloyd]: 7:24

Yeah.

[Carter]: 7:24

Um, so yeah, your, your entire, your entire support network and your entire community just up and up and moved away after, you know, what quite possibly could have been, you know, the worst news that you've ever received to date, uh,

[Martin Lloyd]: 7:38

Yeah.

[Carter]: 7:38

that must've been absolutely devastating for you. I'm not only to try and process your own emotions, uh, whilst, um, you know, Um, the life that you anticipated Harrison to have, uh, and having, you know, next to nobody apart from your family and, you know, your wife to bounce your, uh, your thoughts and your feelings off, uh, yeah,

[Martin Lloyd]: 8:08

Well.

[Carter]: 8:08

it must've been horrible, mate. It must've been a very, very horrible feeling.

[Martin Lloyd]: 8:11

So it wasn't at the time, but looking back, you realize how sort of lonely you were. It's hard to, in the moment, realize that, oh, I'm not talking to anyone or I'm not handling these emotions. It's only when you look back retrospectively, I think that you go, oh yeah, I was doing really bad back then, wasn't I? I cut off communication with a lot of like, friends of friends and I stopped going to gigs and I was embarrassed to go to Like Family kids parties and things like that because I Had the only child with autism at the time So Harrison because he was he was so young and he couldn't communicate The way that he would express frustration was he would he would bang his head on the floor And that was quite confronting and almost sickening because sometimes

[Carter]: 9:14

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 9:15

he would do it really bad on like a tile floor and you didn't know where it would come from and then then you start getting those those looks from other parents and then they're not judging you but you think they are and you feel like the sort of room is closing in around you and it's like

[Carter]: 9:34

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 9:35

only my child is doing this why is that and and you're at home and you think this isn't fair, why did this happen to me? Why does this happen to my son? And the whole circle continues, how do I help him? There's no medicine for this, why can't I help my child? And you feel that guilt as a parent. And it's kind of a vicious cycle. But I was never, and I just wanna clarify that, no, looking back, I was so happy for all these people decisions for their own family

[Carter]: 10:13

Thanks for watching!

[Martin Lloyd]: 10:14

but at the same time silently I was suffering in my own circumstance

[Carter]: 10:20

Hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 10:22

which you know I don't want to come across as selfish but it's just it's really hard to see other children flourish while watching your own child struggle

[Carter]: 10:36

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 10:36

I always found and that gave me watching parents communicate with their child, asking or a child walking up and saying, mom, can I have a sandwich? Like for years, I never knew when Harrison was hungry, tired, upset, in pain, had a headache. That can be really difficult too.

[Carter]: 11:02

Yeah, I guess it's, I guess all of those those feelings and emotions stem from a place of almost shame. You

[Martin Lloyd]: 11:12

Mm-hmm.

[Carter]: 11:12

know, you feel you feel ashamed to have these emotions and feelings and, you know, a sense of mourning for a life that you thought your son would have, and, etc, etc. And, you know, watching parents interact with their kids, as any normal parent would with any I wouldn't say normal kid, neurotypical kid.

[Martin Lloyd]: 11:36

Yep.

[Carter]: 11:38

And you know, you feel jealousy and you feel anger and resentment and all of these really negative emotions and you sit there and think like you're taking that for granted when in actual fact, they're not taking it for granted at all. They're just living their life. And

[Martin Lloyd]: 11:53

Yeah.

[Carter]: 11:53

you know, we don't know their circumstances in any facet. shame. It's so much easier and so much more comforting to yourself to place the blame on other people, especially other people that you just don't know and don't have to consider their feelings.

[Martin Lloyd]: 12:16

Yeah, I mean I would

[Carter]: 12:17

So yeah, I definitely

[Martin Lloyd]: 12:18

never... I just say I would never, I never blamed anyone. Never blamed, never blamed Harrison, myself. You know, I knew that people were doing their best at trying to accommodate us by saying,

[Carter]: 12:34

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 12:34

hey, come to this party. But if I was honest, things like that, like I just flat out didn't

[Carter]: 12:44

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 12:50

a meltdown or yeah, hurting himself. He went through this, he went through this phase where he really, he was only three or four, but he hated babies because he didn't like the, the loud noises and a baby is a ticking

[Carter]: 13:08

Thanks for watching!

[Martin Lloyd]: 13:08

time bomb. At any second, it would just start screaming at the top of its lungs. And that would really trigger Harrison.

[Carter]: 13:16

Thanks for watching!

[Martin Lloyd]: 13:22

his reaction would be not to lash out but to just sort of like push past the baby and run away from it and potentially knock it over and it seemed like he was not fighting but being rough to just get

[Carter]: 13:33

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 13:34

away from it.

[Carter]: 13:35

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 13:36

And then that was confronting because again you feel like the daggers from other parents like, did he just push my baby?

[Carter]: 13:44

Hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 13:44

It's like well no, he's scared of it actually.

[Carter]: 13:48

Yeah, there's definitely a lot of what ifs and buts and all of

[Martin Lloyd]: 13:52

Yeah.

[Carter]: 13:52

those things to navigate in terms of existing in society when your child has special needs.

[Martin Lloyd]: 14:02

Yeah.

[Carter]: 14:04

Looking back now, how do you feel you navigated the early days of your child's autism diagnosis? Did you feel like, because you didn't have much understanding of autism itself? Did you find yourself doing a bunch of research on it or You know, what were your what were your self-care? Routines in the early

[Martin Lloyd]: 14:31

Well,

[Carter]: 14:31

days

[Martin Lloyd]: 14:33

so looking back, I definitely know that I did really badly. I didn't

[Carter]: 14:40

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 14:40

handle the emotional side. I don't think I was able to fully vent. I guess I fell into a stereotypical husband role where I tried to be too emotionally available for my wife. So putting on that strong persona and saying, it's okay. Things will be okay. to show weakness in front of her because she was obviously struggling as well. She had her own issues. So I tended to bottle things up and it

[Carter]: 15:11

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 15:11

would come out in the strangest ways. Like I'd be driving to work and I would just, without even realizing it, there were just tears running down my face. Because maybe because a sad song came on the radio or a podcast I was listening to

[Carter]: 15:28

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 15:32

I found there's a real lack of resources available to parents who'd received a diagnosis. So

[Carter]: 15:38

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 15:39

the first thing that happened was we got a diagnosis and they gave us this booklet. And inside the book, it was a pamphlet for a course for parents who just received an autism diagnosis in their child.

[Carter]: 15:52

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 15:52

So I thought, oh great, there's some support available. So we had to book in to this little, it was like a seminar thing. about two weeks later to go and see it and there was there was just a room and there's about maybe ten other couples there

[Carter]: 16:10

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 16:10

and No one was really speaking and then someone came in and just said oh hi, I'm blah blah blah from I can't remember where she was from Take a seat. I'm just gonna play this quick video and She sat us all down and put on this instructional video which went for about 20 minutes and then it finished and she basically went Well, thanks for coming. Good luck.

[Carter]: 16:34

Mmm. Okay. Yeah,

[Martin Lloyd]: 16:36

It was

[Carter]: 16:37

right.

[Martin Lloyd]: 16:37

like, oh, wow, is that what we get? A 10-minute PowerPoint presentation, basically, on nothing. There was no real subject matter, no context. And then I started looking around for what resources were out there for dads. I always found that there's a lot of moms groups. was a lot of, yeah, a lot of things focused around moms, not a

[Carter]: 17:08

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 17:08

lot out there for dads. One guy at the Autism Association of WA started a group called My Time for Dads and I went to the first couple of those and they were great. They were... Essentially we would catch up at a pub or a restaurant, maybe a burger joint, just to get dads together to come and have a chat and talk about their experience. Some dads would bring the kids, some wouldn't. That was helpful in a way, but at the same time it was, I don't really know these people. I know that they have similar experiences to me,

[Carter]: 17:57

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 17:57

it's still a little bit hard to open up to randoms, you know?

[Carter]: 18:01

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 18:02

So yeah, that was kind of, I still think that there's not a lot of resources available for new parents and you really have to. So,

[Carter]: 18:14

Especially men, especially dads.

[Martin Lloyd]: 18:16

I think so, yeah.

[Carter]: 18:19

In the mental health realm on any and all topics related to mental health, diagnosis, support, things like that,

[Martin Lloyd]: 18:27

Yeah.

[Carter]: 18:28

men are still so incredibly underrepresented. Even this podcast, you know, I was looking at my statistics on Spotify and Apple and all of them before I was looking at my analytics and for a podcast that is hosted by a man.

[Martin Lloyd]: 18:49

Yeah, wow.

[Carter]: 18:50

So, you know, I've, I've been joining like men's mental health groups on Facebook, trying to, you know, gain support or gain, you know, guest interest, things like that. And it seems to be that I am hitting brick walls at almost every turn, you know, all of those, all of those advocacy groups and stuff like that. there's strict no self-promotion policies. You know, I've messaged the moderators and everything like that saying, you know, this isn't really self-promotion. This is a really important thing that I am trying to get together. And I'm trying to show up for my community as a man

[Martin Lloyd]: 19:37

Yeah.

[Carter]: 19:37

and trying to get other men on board who are, you know, having these discussions to other people in Facebook groups that are, you know, 90 members

[Martin Lloyd]: 19:50

Hmm.

[Carter]: 19:50

at 80 90,000 members and they're just saying no No, it's self-promotion. I said, it's you know, it's not for profit. I'm I'm just I'm trying to make a change And yeah, I'm just hitting roadblocks every step of the way So I I think you know because the podcast is still in the the really really early stages I'm going to have to rely incredibly heavy heavily on word of mouth to get

[Martin Lloyd]: 20:17

Yeah. And that's...

[Carter]: 20:18

male representation so he can really really start the conversation and make some meaningful change in society.

[Martin Lloyd]: 20:24

Yeah, so sometimes you might find a group, but like it's in it's in Newcastle City and you're in Perth or you know, like

[Carter]: 20:32

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 20:32

there are things out there, but there's not a lot and there's not a lot I've noticed like nationally. Nothing that I could find anyway.

[Carter]: 20:41

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 20:41

And sometimes it's it's trying to find what's right for you. Like I've I'm a member of some of those dad groups and sometimes there's a lot of it's more just like guys sharing their funny stories, you know, like,

[Carter]: 20:54

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 20:54

Oh look, check this out, my kid drew on the walls today. And

[Carter]: 20:58

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 20:58

then we'll also go, oh, kid, hey, you know, like,

[Carter]: 21:01

Yeah,

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:01

it's not

[Carter]: 21:01

I

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:01

a

[Carter]: 21:01

found

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:01

lot of,

[Carter]: 21:01

that

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:01

hey

[Carter]: 21:02

as

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:02

guys,

[Carter]: 21:02

well.

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:02

I'm really struggling today. I had a bad day because of this and how are you guys going with school? But I see mom's group doing this all the time.

[Carter]: 21:10

Yeah. Yeah. I found that a lot of the dad groups that I've, um, I've joined in on recently, it's, it's kind of like, excuse me, 80% um, you know, comedy

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:22

Yeah.

[Carter]: 21:22

and light, lightheartedness,

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:23

Memes?

[Carter]: 21:25

uh, memes here, lots of memes. Um, you know,

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:27

Yeah.

[Carter]: 21:27

there's a sprinkling of like, look at what my, my kid did, uh, a little

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:30

Yep.

[Carter]: 21:30

bit of like, you know, adoration, things like that. And then, you know, there's like the 5% dark side where it's just really

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:37

Yeah.

[Carter]: 21:37

like misogynistic and. You know, woman bashing. wives are so and so and I

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:42

Yeah,

[Carter]: 21:42

don't know what to do.

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:43

yeah.

[Carter]: 21:43

And like men, you know, um, you know, talking about their mental health, but for the wrong reasons.

[Martin Lloyd]: 21:51

I heard.

[Carter]: 21:51

Um, so yeah, we've still got a really, really long way to go, uh, as a society, but you know, this, this podcast hopefully will be one of those, uh, defining steps, uh, if we give it time and I keep at it and keep chipping away, uh,

[Martin Lloyd]: 22:07

Yeah, I think

[Carter]: 22:07

you know,

[Martin Lloyd]: 22:08

so, mate.

[Carter]: 22:08

one day I'll be able to dig through the mountain, you know, It's going to take a lot of time and a lot of work, but I'm going to keep showing up and I'll remain dedicated. Anyways, back to you.

[Martin Lloyd]: 22:19

Yep.

[Carter]: 22:20

In the early days of Harrison's diagnosis, you said that you were busy showing up for the family and putting on your brave face and bottling your emotions, which obviously, looking back now is pretty unhealthy.

[Martin Lloyd]: 22:35

Yeah.

[Carter]: 22:40

Diagnosis affect your marriage?

[Martin Lloyd]: 22:45

So we've never wavered or faltered. We've both had very difficult days. And

[Carter]: 22:54

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 22:57

stress is horrible. Stress will make you moody and then you can misjudge someone's bad mood as being in a bad mood with you. And it's like, what have I done? It's like you haven't done nothing. It's just I'm upset today because of this. I can't say with any honesty that we didn't butt heads on occasion. I'm so lucky to have met my wife. We genuinely are best friends. So we are incredible for each other.

[Carter]: 23:28

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 23:31

At the time, I used to work offshore. So I used to earn a good bit of money. And we had a pretty good lifestyle. And then when

[Carter]: 23:41

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 23:41

Harrison got his diagnosis, I need to be at home and the money at home just it wasn't the same so at the same time as we got an autism diagnosis we sort of inadvertently added a lot of financial pressure onto ourselves

[Carter]: 24:00

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 24:01

and that tended to compile and make things a bit more difficult so all of a sudden we had problems paying bills on time we had problems you know running out of money the day before payday, which we've never had before, having to stretch

[Carter]: 24:19

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 24:19

our budget. And those things are never good. And there are so many people who are way worse off than we are in that circumstance. And yeah, look, when I look back to those times, we added all these unnecessary pressures on each other. Things like birthdays would come around, anniversaries would come around, Harrison's birthday would come around. We feel like we can't afford to buy this present, we have to get that present.

[Carter]: 25:06

Thanks for watching!

[Martin Lloyd]: 25:09

financial strain as well as like Dealing or not dealing with autism

[Carter]: 25:16

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 25:17

Really just made it more difficult than it had to be

[Carter]: 25:22

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 25:23

So we kind of made a rule where my wife is the smart one. She handles the finances. So it's like, I remember us specifically having a conversation where I said, look, I'm struggling at the moment. I'm struggling with this. I can't handle the pressure of the bills and all these other things going on. Can

[Carter]: 25:50

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 25:50

you take care of the finance thing? I'll take care of the work, I'll take care of the literally everything else. So we

[Carter]: 26:01

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 26:01

kind of split things up. So that's kind of still last to this day. I have no idea what bills we pay. Money just comes in, my wife, it goes away, you have this much to spend. Cool. She was

[Carter]: 26:17

Yeah,

[Martin Lloyd]: 26:17

fantastic.

[Carter]: 26:18

yeah,

[Martin Lloyd]: 26:18

She

[Carter]: 26:18

my

[Martin Lloyd]: 26:18

really...

[Carter]: 26:18

wife and I are exactly the same. Yeah, she she's handled the finances since we were together for I think six months into our relationship when we, you know, we had the talk about, you know, is this

[Martin Lloyd]: 26:31

Yeah.

[Carter]: 26:31

a serious thing? Is this forever thing? You know, what are our hopes and dreams? Do we want to own a house? We want to build a house, we don't buy a house and renovate everything like that. And you know, at the time, I was like 30 grand in debt because of my under undiagnosed ADHD, and

[Martin Lloyd]: 26:46

Yeah.

[Carter]: 26:46

just being fucking horrible with my impulse So, so we agreed straight away that I just, she deal with the finances. I went to work the next day and I went to HR and I changed the bank details over to her

[Martin Lloyd]: 27:03

Yep.

[Carter]: 27:03

and it has remained the same since and I really, really credit her for everything that we have today. You know, we've, we managed within, within two years of meeting. We were building a house, pregnant with our first. And I was basically debt free within two years of meeting a you know,

[Martin Lloyd]: 27:27

Wow. Yeah.

[Carter]: 27:28

absolute, absolute warrior of a woman man can't fault her as far as you know, self discipline

[Martin Lloyd]: 27:34

Yeah.

[Carter]: 27:34

in the face of you know, the things that she actually wants and the aspirations and dreams that she has. So, you know, shout out to the to the strong women in our

[Martin Lloyd]: 27:45

Yeah. Bye.

[Carter]: 27:46

our wallets justifiably empty.

[Martin Lloyd]: 27:50

My love language is to just give people gifts. So like if my wife's upset, I'm like, oh my God, do you need like a new, like can I buy you something? Do you want a present?

[Carter]: 27:58

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 27:59

Let's go out

[Carter]: 27:59

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 27:59

for dinner. Like it's, that's how I, yeah, that's how I treat people. And the same with Harrison, if he's had a bad day at school, I want to go out and buy him a new toy. It's like, no,

[Carter]: 28:10

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 28:10

you got him a new toy literally every day for the last four days. You need to,

[Carter]: 28:13

Well, geez,

[Martin Lloyd]: 28:14

that's

[Carter]: 28:14

Martin,

[Martin Lloyd]: 28:14

enough

[Carter]: 28:14

I'm

[Martin Lloyd]: 28:14

toys.

[Carter]: 28:14

feeling a little sad today, mate. What do you want to buy me?

[Martin Lloyd]: 28:21

Yeah,

[Carter]: 28:21

As so-

[Martin Lloyd]: 28:22

having that conversation with Ainsley, where we, because again, there was probably too much of that bottling things up again.

[Carter]: 28:33

Thanks for watching!

[Martin Lloyd]: 28:34

Coming forward to it and saying, I'm struggling, I'm not handling this. We need

[Carter]: 28:38

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 28:38

to set a boundary maybe about, you know, the pressures that we're both going through. Once

[Carter]: 28:45

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 28:45

we realized like what we're both capable of dealing with how we can respond.

[Carter]: 28:53

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 28:54

Things just became so much easier. Well, you know, easier. Let's just say easier.

[Carter]: 29:00

Yeah. So in your guest application, you did note down that you read a statistic that said 60 to 70% of parents who receive an autism diagnosis for their child get divorced.

[Martin Lloyd]: 29:13

Yeah.

[Carter]: 29:14

How, after reading that, how, how much of that information did you take on board? And did you let those statistics affect your mental health further?

[Martin Lloyd]: 29:27

I mean, yes, that was terrifying to hear. You know, we were newly married. Harrison was only a baby. And then you get this diagnosis and a doctor tells you to your face, you know, there's a good chance that you guys are going to get divorced. This is going to be really awful. And I almost felt like saying, fuck you, no, we won't. Like, you can't, don't tell me I'm going to divorce my wife.

[Carter]: 29:53

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 29:54

It was. of the most of same parts of the early diagnosis. My wife got really upset by that as well. So, I

[Carter]: 30:09

Yeah,

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:09

mean,

[Carter]: 30:09

I'll tell

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:10

initially

[Carter]: 30:10

you what

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:10

the first.

[Carter]: 30:10

doctors may be bookspot, but sometimes doctors just have such a fucking lack of emotional intelligence. It's truly astounding.

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:19

Yeah, yeah, that's not what you want to hear in that moment. It's,

[Carter]: 30:23

No, no,

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:24

it's

[Carter]: 30:24

it's

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:24

just,

[Carter]: 30:25

the last

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:25

just

[Carter]: 30:25

thing

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:25

letting

[Carter]: 30:25

you want

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:25

you

[Carter]: 30:25

to

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:25

guys

[Carter]: 30:25

hear.

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:26

know that as awful as this is, it's going to get way worse and you might

[Carter]: 30:30

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:30

not even be together and yeah, the worst possible time I mean, statistics are statistics, but you don't want to become one of them.

[Carter]: 30:40

Yeah, 100%.

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:41

So we discussed it very early on. say I am not going to divorce you because of this illness I promise you I'm not going anywhere and it

[Carter]: 30:58

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 30:58

annoyed me that I had to even you know say that again or say it ever

[Carter]: 31:04

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 31:04

I'm married to the love of my life like it's so yeah and this is the thing there are so many people who sadly have gone through a such incredible jobs. But that's just not what we wanted for ourselves. And I don't think anybody really does.

[Carter]: 31:28

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 31:29

Um, yeah,

[Carter]: 31:31

Yeah, I think,

[Martin Lloyd]: 31:31

really awful.

[Carter]: 31:31

you know, marriage, marriage in itself is a full-time job. You know, there's so many

[Martin Lloyd]: 31:35

It

[Carter]: 31:35

different

[Martin Lloyd]: 31:35

is.

[Carter]: 31:35

aspects and, and there's so many, you know, 50% of your marriage is not in your control because that 50% is an entirely separate entity to you. Um, and while your lives intersect every minute of every day, um, you know, at the end of the day, you can't control what the other person is thinking or feeling. And just sometimes, uh, you know, a lack of, of, uh, healthy pillars in a relationship such as you know like a strong ability to communicate for whatever reason it really just you know it can lead to such horrible outcomes such heartbreaking outcomes that you know neither of you ever dreamed of.

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:17

Yeah, you know, if we just recap, you know, we had the diagnosis issues, we had the financial problems. If you want to add to that, you know, marriage problems and a potential break-off,

[Carter]: 32:31

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:32

that amount of stress.

[Carter]: 32:33

A lack, a lack of community support with all of your friends moving away. And you know, you guys had the odds pretty stacked against you from the get-go. Um,

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:41

Yeah and

[Carter]: 32:42

so

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:42

so

[Carter]: 32:42

to see

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:42

and

[Carter]: 32:42

you

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:42

so

[Carter]: 32:42

here

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:42

many

[Carter]: 32:42

now,

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:42

people go through

[Carter]: 32:43

uh, with

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:43

it as

[Carter]: 32:43

Harrison

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:43

well.

[Carter]: 32:44

as an eight year old.

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:45

Yeah.

[Carter]: 32:45

Yeah. So Harrison's now eight.

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:48

Yeah, he

[Carter]: 32:48

Uh,

[Martin Lloyd]: 32:48

is.

[Carter]: 32:48

you guys have run the gauntlet and you've come out on the other side. Uh, can you tell me about, uh, Harrison's development since his diagnosis? Uh, how is he doing now?

[Martin Lloyd]: 33:01

Yeah.

[Carter]: 33:01

What does his future look like?

[Martin Lloyd]: 33:05

So I'll do my best to do this without getting emotional. So Harrison, we

[Carter]: 33:11

Mate,

[Martin Lloyd]: 33:11

are,

[Carter]: 33:11

let the tears flow, I'll have a cry with ya.

[Martin Lloyd]: 33:16

we are so blessed to have Harrison in our lives. He, so I cannot sing the praises of early intervention enough. I think that was so

[Carter]: 33:26

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 33:27

key getting the early diagnosis, having those difficult conversations and recognizing right. There is no problem in asking for help and getting help. So we got the diagnosis and we went straight to the autism association of WA went to the free mental branch there. First day was difficult because it was our first time you know, leaving our baby alone. It was like first day blues but two years ahead of what other parents would get it. or like a year ahead of kindy and then as the week went on it got better and he started to form relationships so harrison used to have when he was a baby about about 30 words and then he he regressed back to having zero so went from being able to say mom dad up food those those sort of frustration, babbling and that type of thing. These days, Harrison, he's in year three now. He is fully fluent. He talks all the time. We have this little in-joke between my wife and I because we remember being so upset that when he couldn't communicate with us. and shut up and we have a little joke where we look at each other and sort of say like wish he'd shut up.

[Carter]: 35:11

Hehehehe

[Martin Lloyd]: 35:12

It's personal to us because we prayed for this day you know we begged for this to happen and it's here and how lucky are we that we get to say ah shut up just be quiet

[Carter]: 35:23

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 35:23

for a minute mate like give it a rest.

[Carter]: 35:25

Yep.

[Martin Lloyd]: 35:26

So he still has his little quirks. We kind of say that living with Harrison is a bit like living with an alien the way that he processes information in the way he mimics television and movies. And he is just so funny and absolutely just the best thing that has ever happened to us. So early on when he started when his language started picking up again, we thought he was doing a lot of babbling. He was using words like sinny and salty. And then I was asking him one day if he was if he was hungry and he was saying He's going yeah Zolti Zolti and pointing at something in the food cupboard What do you think what could that possibly mean? There's nothing that even sounds remotely like what you're saying And I realized that's why he was pointing at a banana so I saw you like this this is what you want to yeah salty picked it up and Okay, so the word for banana result II and I was at work one day next to a colleague who was from Russia and on the table and I went Zolti and he went how do you know Russian? I was like I'm sorry.

[Carter]: 36:40

Uh huh.

[Martin Lloyd]: 36:41

It turns out that Harrison had been watching all these uh Russian YouTube cartoons

[Carter]: 36:47

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 36:47

and he was learning language from there so all of a sudden we knew that that city was blue and Zolti was yellow and Puppenny was purple and we knew all these different things and then

[Carter]: 36:55

Wow.

[Martin Lloyd]: 36:55

we realized that he was counting from one to ten in Russian um so early on we had to like start picking up different little bits of the Russian language just to figure out like what he wanted to eat and uh

[Carter]: 37:11

Can you just move your hand, mate?

[Martin Lloyd]: 37:12

oh sorry what what

[Carter]: 37:13

Nah,

[Martin Lloyd]: 37:14

he

[Carter]: 37:14

you're

[Martin Lloyd]: 37:14

was

[Carter]: 37:14

all

[Martin Lloyd]: 37:14

pointing

[Carter]: 37:14

good.

[Martin Lloyd]: 37:14

at um and then so yeah that was very early and then like okay we might have to stop him watching those videos and then um his language uh in English started coming back really strong

[Carter]: 37:28

Yeah. Plot twist Harrison is actually a KGB spy.

[Martin Lloyd]: 37:32

He's a Russian sleeper agent.

[Carter]: 37:34

Yeah, straight up. Straight up, man. Going to sell that one to Fox Pictures.

[Martin Lloyd]: 37:40

So my Russian mate, I would bring in videos of him saying things and I was like, I was like, hey, what's what he's saying here? And he's like, oh, Brett, he's saying Brett. I'm like, you are joking. And then he would say things like, oh, well done. Well done, comrade, very, very cool. You're like, yeah, that's, that's cool. Having a Russian person call you comrade.

[Carter]: 38:02

That's um,

[Martin Lloyd]: 38:03

That's yeah.

[Carter]: 38:05

yeah. Wow, how astounding that Harrison was able to learn those things from the YouTube videos. I'm finding my son mimicking American accents from the screen time.

[Martin Lloyd]: 38:18

Yeah, you get that a lot, hey.

[Carter]: 38:20

Yeah, even in neurotypical kids with, you know, who have a little more than average screen time,

[Martin Lloyd]: 38:28

Yeah.

[Carter]: 38:29

that there was a lot of mimicking of the American accents because that's you know that's what they're engaged in

[Martin Lloyd]: 38:34

Yeah.

[Carter]: 38:34

at the time you know you've got the bright colors and the pretty things and that's what they learn.

[Martin Lloyd]: 38:38

Yeah, I don't know what else he watches, but Harrison, he has just become the most polite child in the world. He's constantly receiving those good behavior awards in school and

[Carter]: 38:48

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 38:50

politeness awards because he's always, it's always, may I please go outside, may I please do some drawing. He is super polite. It's brilliant. It's like, we're not, we're polite.

[Carter]: 39:03

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 39:08

didn't say please he's just developed this way because you know if he would say

[Carter]: 39:10

Mm hmm. Yeah. Oh, that's great. I am the type of parent that really puts a lot of stock in good manners.

[Martin Lloyd]: 39:17

Yeah, sure.

[Carter]: 39:18

My my kids have absolutely perfect manners when they

[Martin Lloyd]: 39:23

Yeah.

[Carter]: 39:23

are not inside this house. When they are in the confines of you know, their own safe space. No pleases or thank yous at

[Martin Lloyd]: 39:30

Well, you know, initially.

[Carter]: 39:30

all. It is like mom, dad do this.

[Martin Lloyd]: 39:35

Oh, so when Harrison would say like, like banana, you know, like we were so happy that he was just using language for us today and go, you didn't say please. It's just so counterproductive.

[Carter]: 39:47

Yeah, it doesn't really matter, does it? Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 39:50

No, it's like, oh, you asked for something amazing. And we'll work on the politeness later.

[Carter]: 39:53

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 39:55

But he just, I'm not sure how it has developed that way.

[Carter]: 39:56

Yeah, 100%.

[Martin Lloyd]: 39:59

He's incredible. He's so funny.

[Carter]: 40:03

So you were talking before about in-jokes that you and your wife had. You did make another point about in-jokes within the autism community that people outside of it may not appreciate. Do you wanna delve into that a little bit more?

[Martin Lloyd]: 40:19

It's funny because I was at a kids play center on the weekend. And obviously Harrison's a lot more independent now. And I think as a parent, like we've all heard of the term GEDA, where people who are within like the LGBT community can recognize

[Carter]: 40:40

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 40:43

other people within that community.

[Carter]: 40:44

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 40:45

I think as parents, we kind of develop a sort of autism radar like we have this ability to like be at school and just like diagnose other people's children

[Carter]: 40:49

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 40:55

who aren't really diagnosed like oh wow that's an ADHD child and that's an autism child and that's a red flag and that's a red flag.

[Carter]: 41:05

Yeah, my wife and I do it to this day with with adults as well.

[Martin Lloyd]: 41:09

Yeah.

[Carter]: 41:09

We'll have a discussion with someone, you know, in the community or something like that. And then behind closed doors, I'll be like, Hey, did you pick up on that? And my wife will be like, yeah, he's neuro spicy as fuck.

[Martin Lloyd]: 41:18

Yeah.

[Carter]: 41:20

Did you notice that he did not once look us in the eyes and was like

[Martin Lloyd]: 41:24

Yep.

[Carter]: 41:24

stepping on his toes the entire time.

[Martin Lloyd]: 41:27

And it's.

[Carter]: 41:27

It's amazing how how used to those markers you get that you just start noticing it to realize how broad the autism spectrum truly is

[Martin Lloyd]: 41:41

Yeah.

[Carter]: 41:42

and how, as far as I'm concerned, literally everyone in the world is, you know,

[Martin Lloyd]: 41:46

I- I agree.

[Carter]: 41:47

it's a spectrum. So everyone sits somewhere on that spectrum.

[Martin Lloyd]: 41:50

Yep.

[Carter]: 41:51

But without being a part of the autism community, you don't have that knowledge and you don't have that understanding of it actually, literally, tangibly being a spectrum.

[Martin Lloyd]: 42:02

Yeah. And it's like trying to have those conversations with parents without upsetting them or without coming, because it is a difficult topic, but

[Carter]: 42:11

Thanks for watching!

[Martin Lloyd]: 42:12

even just saying things like, like, Oh, Harrison used to do that. Or Harrison has a friend who does that. Like openly saying to them, have you considered, you know, speaking to

[Carter]: 42:22

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 42:26

someone or seeing a doctor or it was just like, yeah, he's, he's crazy. He's always. Um, running into things and trashing. rooms. Oh, okay.

[Carter]: 42:35

Yeah. Yeah, I am. It's a hard one because you know, people who, who haven't lived it for any type of reason, you know, if they don't have any family or friends that have autism or if they, you know, they don't have any children with autism or anything like that, they still see it as, as a, and something very negative.

[Martin Lloyd]: 42:56

it is still a massive stigma and it's like a very dirty word. And I think, you know, I didn't like hearing it at the beginning.

[Carter]: 43:00

It is, yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 43:05

And it's only as, you know, I've sort of come to terms with things and become a bigger part of the, of not just the autism community, but the wider disability community and met people in similar circumstances that I've come to accept it. And it's understanding that it is a spectrum and literally everybody is on it in some way, whether almost not at all or very specifically in one corner of that spectrum. You could argue that people who like collecting things are on the spectrum. And that sort of stigma around it and thinking of autism as a dirty word really just needs to end.

[Carter]: 43:51

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 43:56

or an ADD or an ADHD diagnosis is that you open you and your family up to support. You open yourself

[Carter]: 44:00

Thanks for watching!

[Martin Lloyd]: 44:05

up to potentially funding from the NDIS to go and get some support from a trained professional who has skills or has tools that you might not have access to, to help you learn skills how to deal with this or how to teach your child how to deal with their frustrations or improve on their or things that they could be dealing with in life.

[Carter]: 44:29

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 44:31

But yeah, some people just don't want to be associated with it for whatever reason.

[Carter]: 44:36

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 44:37

It's like, you know, I can't face up to the fact that there could be potentially something wrong with my child and that it's such a negative way of thinking about it. It's just your child might need support and support is available.

[Carter]: 44:47

Yeah. Yeah, I think it's... It's, it's a, it's really is a hard one because you know, now that, now that I've had my autism diagnosis, um, I've always, I've always been about, you know, letting my feelings out and you know, from, from a young age and you know, there was a lot of, uh, male friends that I lost because, you know, they would just be like, you're a pussy, you know, shut up with that shit. I don't want to hear about your feelings and all of this. And

[Martin Lloyd]: 45:19

Yeah.

[Carter]: 45:19

it wasn't until, you know, I lived in a, a real place

[Martin Lloyd]: 45:25

Yeah.

[Carter]: 45:26

never had, I never had any sort of filter. I did have a lot of internal struggles as far as like, you know, toxic masculinity and things like that goes, just because of the lessons that I kind of was brought up with,

[Martin Lloyd]: 45:41

Yep.

[Carter]: 45:41

you know, the whole like, you know, men don't show their emotions and you know, keep your chin up and man up and all of that stuff. So

[Martin Lloyd]: 45:47

Yeah.

[Carter]: 45:48

it took a lot of me unlearning that behavior that just wasn't old now, you know, living my truth and telling the whole world that I am autistic and not really caring too much about their thoughts on me and,

[Martin Lloyd]: 46:09

Yeah.

[Carter]: 46:10

you know, letting them project their insecurities or shame or anything like that onto me, you know, I'm living my truth. I am by and

[Martin Lloyd]: 46:23

you

[Carter]: 46:27

If they're going to feel insecure about that, then that's just not people that I need in my circle or in my life.

[Martin Lloyd]: 46:33

Absolutely.

[Carter]: 46:36

Yeah, that's

[Martin Lloyd]: 46:36

It's incredible mate.

[Carter]: 46:37

just how it is, you know?

[Martin Lloyd]: 46:38

Yeah.

[Carter]: 46:39

And I feel horrible for those people because, you know, they unfortunately have had those ideals drummed into them so hard that they literally cannot see any other opinion or

[Martin Lloyd]: 46:51

Yeah, it's hard to unlearn.

[Carter]: 46:51

way of thinking. It really is. It's 10 times harder to unlearn than it is to learn, mate.

[Martin Lloyd]: 47:01

Yeah and that's where you know I suppose I got that bottle it up thing from.

[Carter]: 47:02

But you know, we'll get there. It's small steps Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 47:08

you know, like when I bottled up all those emotions early on, it's kind of because it's that maybe that stiff upper lip, be the man approach that you see in movies and you've learned from, you know, from media and growing up and some people around you, you think like that's your job, you've just got to be tough and don't cry about it and don't talk about your feelings to your friends in the pub, just, you know, talk about sports.

[Carter]: 47:09

Yep.

[Martin Lloyd]: 47:38

it's

[Carter]: 47:38

Yeah. Yeah, mate, I don't follow sports.

[Martin Lloyd]: 47:42

Hahaha

[Carter]: 47:43

I know absolutely nothing about cars. And I always grew up feeling quite anxious having to, you know, if I was ever to go to like parties with, you know, girlfriends at the time where there would be, you know, a group of men, you know, standing around the barbecue chatting about cars,

[Martin Lloyd]: 47:58

Yeah.

[Carter]: 47:59

I would, I'd be so fucking scared about it.

[Martin Lloyd]: 48:01

Okay.

[Carter]: 48:02

I would find myself like watching car documentaries to do some research before I had to go to these parties. So I would

[Martin Lloyd]: 48:08

Yeah.

[Carter]: 48:08

at least be able to memorize lines from these car documentaries to have some

[Martin Lloyd]: 48:13

Yeah.

[Carter]: 48:13

input. You know, I found myself once going to a barbecue and I was, you know, sitting around with, with the boys talking and drinking beer and whatnot. They were talking about cars and

[Martin Lloyd]: 48:22

Yeah.

[Carter]: 48:23

I'd committed a line to memory and I, I, I straightened my back up and with nothing but 150% confidence go, I would absolutely love to get a Datsun 120 Y and put a small block of V8 in it. And about eight of them go, oh, fuck yeah, that'd be sick.

[Martin Lloyd]: 48:42

Thanks for watching!

[Carter]: 48:42

And to this day, I don't have any understanding of what I said. And that has always stuck with me. And

[Martin Lloyd]: 48:50

Yeah.

[Carter]: 48:51

that's a massive part of masking.

[Martin Lloyd]: 48:53

Yeah, well, it's I would, I realized again that what I was doing was self-sabotaging.

[Carter]: 48:54

You know, so.

[Martin Lloyd]: 48:59

So, um, friends would invite me to parties and, um, because one thing that we sort of haven't mentioned is getting, um, getting therapies for, uh, for your kids can be very expensive. So I felt bad, you know, going to gigs, spending $80 on a gig ticket.

[Carter]: 49:16

Oh yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 49:19

But it's like, well, that's money that could be going towards, towards So I became a bit reclusive in that respect, stopped going to as many things. And then because I wasn't coping well emotionally, I would make up excuses of why I don't go to a party. And after a while, the invitation to go to things starts drying up. And all of a sudden you're not invited to this gig or this formally like friend of a friend's party or whatever. And there are a few people that, you know, always in your corner and always going to be and they consistently invite you out, invite you to things. There's one friend in particular who I don't think I saw them for about two years, but would consistently invite me to everything. Whether it was a barbecue at their place or a New Year's Eve party. And for ridiculous reasons. Now, when I think about it, I would not go. because I didn't feel comfortable people asking me a question like how are things going because I couldn't answer them without lying

[Carter]: 50:35

Thanks for watching!

[Martin Lloyd]: 50:36

because really I wasn't managing my emotions properly but just the fact that this person kept sending that invite and every couple of weeks or months there would just be a little invite in my inbox saying hey there's a party we were thinking about this It meant so much and I had such insane guilt when I just, at the very last minute come up with an excuse why I couldn't come. Oh, sorry, this came up. Harrison's sick, tell a lie. But it just goes back to, if I had of... I had of... spoken to someone, looked for maybe some professional help, spoken to a psychologist or found a men's health group, someone to communicate with, I could have managed that entire scenario better. And I wouldn't have been managing this process on my own. And it could have been

[Carter]: 51:36

Thanks for watching!

[Martin Lloyd]: 51:36

such a more enjoyable time in my life. But hindsight is 20-20, isn't it?

[Carter]: 51:44

Certainly is, you know, Martin, I may be, you know, eight years late to the party or six years late. Now Harrison was diagnosed at two years old, correct?

[Martin Lloyd]: 51:54

Yeah.

[Carter]: 51:55

You know, in the, in the words of the heroic blink one eight two mate a day later buck short, but, you know, we've met now and

[Martin Lloyd]: 52:04

Yeah.

[Carter]: 52:04

mate from this day on I'll be in your corner, mate. And I'm always, always here to, to bounce ideas or feelings off. You know, you, me mate.

[Martin Lloyd]: 52:15

Yeah, likewise, mate. That's one thing that I've been trying to make myself over the last couple of years is just trying to recognize the symptoms that I had in my own friends, keeping an eye out on other people who are starting families or just you don't see as often and trying to reach out and just checking in on people, seeing how they're going, see if they're needing anything, reminding them that you're here because I definitely

[Carter]: 52:43

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 52:43

had that. and it can be so important, it can be life saving for a lot of people.

[Carter]: 52:51

Yeah. Yeah. 100% mate. Um, I think, uh, you know, male kinship is, uh, is one of the most important things in life. And it's, uh, especially important to people who, who genuinely feel alone sometimes, you know, being

[Martin Lloyd]: 53:09

Yeah.

[Carter]: 53:10

able to reach out to a like minded, um, you know, male friend. I'm, I'm incredibly lucky that I have a best mate. Um, he lives in Sydney, unfortunately.

[Martin Lloyd]: 53:20

Yeah.

[Carter]: 53:21

year, but he's, he's just a text or a phone call away. And, um, you know, he's incredibly busy with his career. He works in movies. He's a special effects makeup artist and prop designer. Um,

[Martin Lloyd]: 53:34

Yeah, wow.

[Carter]: 53:35

but made, I reckon I could message him right now. And before this podcast ends, I would have a response, you know, it's so important to find those pillars and, uh, find someone that you trust to be able to reach out to just to provide light in that dark room, you know, just know you're never alone.

[Martin Lloyd]: 53:53

Yeah,

[Carter]: 53:53

And it is

[Martin Lloyd]: 53:53

that's

[Carter]: 53:54

really,

[Martin Lloyd]: 53:54

it.

[Carter]: 53:54

really hard to find those people.

[Martin Lloyd]: 53:56

Yeah, we're

[Carter]: 53:57

But they

[Martin Lloyd]: 53:57

human

[Carter]: 53:57

are

[Martin Lloyd]: 53:57

beings.

[Carter]: 53:57

out there.

[Martin Lloyd]: 53:58

We need

[Carter]: 53:59

Yep.

[Martin Lloyd]: 54:01

human contact.

[Carter]: 54:03

Yeah. And if you, anyone listening, if you do feel alone and you don't have the luxuries of having friendships or anything like that, I'm here. I'm here. Just message me. Always

[Martin Lloyd]: 54:16

Yeah,

[Carter]: 54:16

here.

[Martin Lloyd]: 54:16

likewise, buddy. Likewise.

[Carter]: 54:19

Awesome. Before we wrap up mate, is there anything else that you wanted to add?

[Martin Lloyd]: 54:24

No, mate, again, just wanted to say thank you so much for setting this up. Um, I think maybe a lot of people, uh, have these ideas, like I should start a podcast, I should do something about this. And a lot of us really don't, I know that I have, um,

[Carter]: 54:40

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 54:41

but for you to actually, you know, have, have the courage to, to get it going, uh, it is incredible, mate. I'm just really excited to see where it goes. And I'm actually excited to hear a little bit more about your story and how you getting your diagnosis, especially at an adult age because I think I Think a lot of people if they really went through that same process wouldn't have much problems getting a diagnosis I think

[Carter]: 55:06

Yeah.

[Martin Lloyd]: 55:07

a lot of people are more spectrum-y than they imagine

[Carter]: 55:09

Mm-hmm.

[Martin Lloyd]: 55:10

Myself included

[Carter]: 55:12

I do have a, I did a podcast this morning with a, with another podcast. So

[Martin Lloyd]: 55:18

Yep.

[Carter]: 55:18

I went on as their guest. It was like a day in the life of a parent. That'll be coming out at some stage. I have gained permission to release that as a crossover episode with my podcast.

[Martin Lloyd]: 55:27

Wicked. Yep.

[Carter]: 55:28

So I delve a little bit more. It was more into like, you know, the births of my children and things like that. But I do delve into, you know, the reasons why I started this podcast and how it all came about. And I do delve into my diagnosis and. as well. But I do have plans for our 10th episode to do an episode with my wife.

[Martin Lloyd]: 55:50

Yep.

[Carter]: 55:51

So we'll definitely discuss a little bit more of the you know, my personal life and her personal life and our experiences as parents together.

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:00

Yeah.

[Carter]: 56:01

So that's episode 10. Hopefully everyone sticks around and keeps listening for that if they're interested in learning a little bit more about me.

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:07

to show me.

[Carter]: 56:08

But you know, for other people, which is the entire reason that I wanted to start this podcast. It was almost for selfish reasons, really. I wanted to hear from other people so I could learn more. So I could just harness that information and kind of pull all of these tactics and things

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:27

you

[Carter]: 56:27

in as a community, I could learn and, you know, fill my, fill my coping bucket, so to speak.

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:37

I

[Carter]: 56:37

I

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:37

mean,

[Carter]: 56:37

talk a

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:37

you

[Carter]: 56:37

lot

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:37

know,

[Carter]: 56:37

about

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:37

go...

[Carter]: 56:38

buckets and cups and filling and emptying and spilling and whatnot.

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:42

Yeah

[Carter]: 56:42

It's quite a visual thing, but I think everyone

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:45

I mean,

[Carter]: 56:46

would

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:46

going

[Carter]: 56:46

get it.

[Martin Lloyd]: 56:46

right back to the beginning, you know, if this, if a podcast like this existed a couple of years ago, uh, and I had someone or I'd listen to someone say, go out and get help, like look for, uh, other people in a similar circumstance, make friends, tell your co tell your friends, tell your family, speak out more. Um, it would have helped in so many ways. Um, and the more access people in this community have to reach. resources like this, the better we're all going to be. I think it's massively important though, it's an incredible thing you're doing mate, so well done.

[Carter]: 57:23

Thank you, mate. I truly appreciate that. I'm only one half of this podcast, so it wouldn't exist without the people that are also brave enough to fill out that guest survey and share their stories. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I am honored

[Martin Lloyd]: 57:39

Thank you

[Carter]: 57:39

for

[Martin Lloyd]: 57:39

mate.

[Carter]: 57:39

you to come on and share your journey. Truly, truly stoked to hear that Harrison is developing and coming along and his cover hasn't been blown yet. That's awesome. Keep it up and keep that little sneaky pen gun loaded and locked and ready to go. And mate, I'd love to have you on. Maybe next time we can organize for both you and your wife to come on.

[Martin Lloyd]: 58:08

Yep.

[Carter]: 58:08

Obviously, I'd love to get her, her viewpoints and her side of the story from then

[Martin Lloyd]: 58:14

For

[Carter]: 58:14

till

[Martin Lloyd]: 58:14

sure.

[Carter]: 58:14

now as well.

[Martin Lloyd]: 58:16

Would love that mate.

[Carter]: 58:18

Awesome. All right. Well, we will keep in touch, mate. Thank you again. Have a great remainder of your day, mate.

[Martin Lloyd]: 58:25

Yeah, you too buddy, all the best.

[Carter]: 58:28

YouTube, bye bye.

[Martin Lloyd]: 58:29

See you man, bye bye.