Empowering Families Through Mental Health Awareness

Welcome to Episode Five of Touched Out: A Mental Health Podcast for Parents!

In this enlightening episode, host Carter is joined by Chisato from California, a licensed mental health practitioner whose inspiring career journey is dedicated to trauma-informed care, parenthood, and mental health advocacy. Join us as Chisato shares her transition from a rape crisis counselor to earning a doctorate in social work, all while being deeply committed to trauma-informed care.

Trigger Warning: This episode includes discussions on mental health struggles, trauma, and online criticism. Listener discretion is advised.

Join us as Chisato discusses:

Chisato’s Career Journey: From crisis counselor to senior program supervisor, adjunct professor, and co-program director for a social justice nonprofit.

Parenting Children on the Autism Spectrum: Practical strategies and personal experiences.

Breaking Generational Trauma: Insights on authenticity and emotional transparency.

Mental Health Literacy and Accessibility: The importance of seeing beyond diagnostic labels.

“Go Away Red Choice Monster”: Chisato's children's book on coping skills and decision-making.

Tune in to gain valuable insights and actionable advice for balancing a multifaceted career, parenthood, and personal well-being while breaking generational trauma.

Subscribe now to Touched Out for more heartfelt conversations and practical tips on navigating parenthood and mental health.

Chapters

• 0:00 Mental Health Professional With Autism Experience
• 14:51 Supporting Children With Autism Spectrum
• 22:15 Breaking Generational Trauma Through Authenticity
• 35:03 Improving Mental Health Access & Support
• 44:24 Coping Skills Book for Children
• 53:36 Heartfelt Podcast Guest Appreciation

Transcript

[00:00:00] Carter: Trigger warning. The following podcast contains explicit language and discussions of sensitive topics that some listeners may find distressing, including miscarriage, child abuse, mental health issues, and birth trauma. Listener discretion is advised. If you feel triggered or overwhelmed at any point, we encourage you to pause the episode and take care of yourself.

[00:00:19] Carter: G'day everyone and welcome to Episode 5 of the Touched Out Podcast. Today I have my guest, Chisato. She's from California. She has two kids on the autism spectrum, and she has an amazing career. Today's episode we discuss Chisato's multifaceted career as a mental health practitioner, including her work as a licensed professional clinical counselor, licensed marriage and family therapist, and doctor in social work.

[00:00:43] Carter: We explore Chisato's experiences working with children and families, and her passion for creating safe spaces for people to share their stories. Other topics discussed in this episode include the benefits of therapy, parenting and mental health, self care strategies, the importance of understanding bad days and [00:01:00] good days, supporting mental health for children on the autism spectrum, trauma informed care, and improving access to mental health resources for underserved communities.

[00:01:09] Carter: We also talk about Chi's book Go Away, red Choice Monster, which focuses on coping skills and the importance of making the, but also taking the good with the bad. I had an amazing time talking to, and I hope you all enjoy episode five podcasts.

[00:01:42] Intro: Touchdown. G'day[00:02:00] 

[00:02:07] Carter: everyone. So today we have Chisato from California. Is that correct? Thanks so much for being with me today and, uh, taking time out of what seems to be an incredibly busy schedule. You, when you submitted your application, I was blown away by the amount of, uh, fingers in different pies and. I'm really excited to get into it and have a chat to you about everything today.

[00:02:31] Carter: So first of all, we'll start off with telling me a bit about yourself and a bit about your family. 

[00:02:36] Chisato: Absolutely. Thank you for having me. I'm super excited to be here. Um, so I'm just auto. I have a doctorate in social work. I'm, I'm also a licensed marriage and family therapist, a licensed professional clinical counselor.

[00:02:47] Chisato: So as you saw, I work multiple jobs, but my full time job is I am a senior program supervisor for a mental health nonprofit in California. And we work with. Children [00:03:00] up until 21, I think, with medical as well as community based services. My role. I'm a senior program supervisor for the training department that we have.

[00:03:09] Chisato: I work with a amazing team that that I am able to connect with and we implement changes to. To documentation. We also try to speak with county to make sure that we're doing everything properly. We also answer questions as needed and also give training. So we do a little bit of everything in the amazing department I'm part of.

[00:03:31] Chisato: And then I also am an Ajax professor. So I teach at three different schools. So I do a little bit of everything there. And then I'm also a Co program director and volunteer coordinator for a mental health non profit, well, social justice non profit as well. So I do that as a volunteer. And then currently I am the committee of national leadership identification for the National Association of Social Worker [00:04:00] California chapter.

[00:04:00] Chisato: And I'm the chair of that until June, I think. So I do a little bit of reading. Oh lord, 

[00:04:05] Carter: what a mouthful. Um, a mom, 

[00:04:08] Chisato: uh, of twin boys, they are seven. They are both on the autism spectrum. So, you know, having been in mental health and also, you know, being a mom, uh, it's really shown me the lack of empathy I feel like, that both of those things have to do with Um, I think there's a lot of stigma around autism as well as mental health.

[00:04:32] Chisato: So I have a blog where I talk about autism and mental health and really try to dispel misunderstandings, misconceptions, and stigma just to try to shine a little bit of light, I guess, on two very important topics to me. So yeah, kind of because of that, I've been Super, super lucky. I've been interviewed for several podcasts.

[00:04:51] Chisato: I've written for several magazines. Um, I've also guest written for several blogs. So that's a little bit about me. 

[00:04:57] Carter: A little bit about you. How do you have time [00:05:00] to sleep? 

[00:05:00] Intro: Yeah. 

[00:05:04] Carter: I mean, I, um, I work full time in youth justice as night shift. I've been in youth justice for four years now. I've got three kids, uh, all of which are under four months.

[00:05:15] Carter: Three year old turns four next week and geez, I, I don't even have much time to sleep, so I, I don't know how, how you, how you're coping. Wowee. So we'll jump into your professional life, um, as a licensed professional clinical counselor, a licensed marriage and family therapist and a doctor in social work.

[00:05:37] Carter: Tell me a little bit about that. How long have you been doing it? Uh, what led you to, uh, going in that direction? 

[00:05:43] Chisato: Oh. Um, so I'll start with my two licenses because my feel like my path for my doctor, those little different, not that it's different, but I feel like it's just an extension in a way. Um, so I'll start with my, my mental health practices.

[00:05:58] Chisato: So I went [00:06:00] to UC Berkeley for my undergrad and I did a sociology bachelor's. When I was in my bachelor's degree, I was a rape crisis counselor. So I really started off in trauma. That was kind of my first experience with. Supporting others through through traumatic experiences and trying to really provide a safe space right for them from them to share their stories.

[00:06:22] Chisato: So, I was, I would, I would be part of the 24 hour crisis line where I would pick up the phone if. People would call and talk to them, however, whatever time it was because 24 hours and then I was also part of the sexual assault response team. So I would go to the hospital right after a sexual assault had occurred and then I got super involved and I also started kind of becoming a backup person for that and I Helped with training and I did a little bit of everything.

[00:06:49] Chisato: I feel like in that In that role, I also did in person counseling, and I also, in that, helped to create a program for sexually exploited minors. So, [00:07:00] child sex trafficking victims. And I only called them victims because they were, at that time, actively being trafficked. Um, so, that, that taught me, I think, opened my eyes to, one, the lack of knowledge.

[00:07:14] Chisato: Towards kids who are being exploited and then again, a lack of empathy. I feel like a lot of things I've done that's kind of what's shown me that when you are different in any way, Empathy kind of goes out the window a lot of the time. I was also a supervised visitation monitor during that time where I would take notes.

[00:07:33] Chisato: Where, um, a child was visiting with their noncustodial parent when there was some kind of safety concern, whether it was domestic violence, whether there was a long period of time where, let's say, the parent had not seen the child and there was a kidnapping concern, anything like that, I would, I would be there and take notes and make sure that the visit was safe.

[00:07:55] Chisato: And then I was also an in home advocate for intensive treatment foster care kids. All of [00:08:00] that to say, with a bachelor's in sociology, there's a limit to what you can do. So I decided, huh, let me get my master's. So I went to get my master's, got my master's in clinical psychology with the emphasis on marriage and family therapy.

[00:08:13] Chisato: And while I did that, I got, I was very lucky. Worked as a therapeutic behavioral services coach for kids that had severe behavioral health needs where their placements were being threatened. Um, so I would go into group homes. I would go into client's homes. I would go into schools. I would go into the community and really, um, work with them to be safe and to make better choices and to also help the adults around them.

[00:08:39] Chisato: to understand their struggles and see how we can support them better. Um, I was super lucky. I was actually able to become a therapist in that agency when I got my master's. Um, so I did a community based mental health with kids and their caregivers and families. Um, and they loved it. Love that. Then I got pregnant.

[00:08:59] Chisato: I have twins. [00:09:00] Um, and you know, um, being pregnant with twins and having Hypergardium and throwing up 20 something times a day while driving all around was a lot. It was really burning me 

[00:09:11] Intro: out 

[00:09:12] Chisato: and just realizing, you know, I loved what I do. I loved the clients I worked with. Like truly, it was just an absolute honor to do what I was able to do.

[00:09:22] Chisato: And. My day consisted of getting in the car, throwing up on the freeway, going to my client's school, throwing up in the car, seeing my client coming back, throwing up again, and then doing it for the whole day. And, um, there were some clients that were very far away. I had some clients where I wouldn't get home for like three hours because the traffic was so bad.

[00:09:46] Chisato: And I just realized, like, I'm not providing the best care that I want to. And that's really important to me. Client care was so important to me. So, after a maternity leave, I decided, you know, it's not a good idea for me to go [00:10:00] back. So, sad face. I ended up leaving the agency. Um, and I became a lead clinician for a mental health non profit where I did prevention and early intervention.

[00:10:11] Chisato: So, I worked with children, adults, couples. Individuals, families, elderly, you name it, I did it. . Mm-Hmm. . Um, we were able to work with really anybody that we could. I also did workshop support groups and, um, I also did a lot of outreach. And really that outreach showed me, once again, the, I think lack of knowledge towards mental health and mental, and I think when people hear.

[00:10:37] Chisato: Mental health or therapy. They're like, Oh, you work with crazy people. That's so not right. Um, I actually believe that people who go to therapy are very, are very strong because therapy is hard. It's hard going within ourselves and looking like at the stuff inside of herself and the darkness within ourselves is hard.

[00:10:58] Chisato: So I truly believe that [00:11:00] individuals who actually go to therapy is It's much stronger than I think anybody gives, gives them credit for. So 

[00:11:07] Carter: I've, um, I've discussed it on every, every podcast so far. And it's a big reason why I'm doing this podcast is I'm a massive, massive advocate for therapy. I, I say that therapy is to the brain, what gym is to the body.

[00:11:21] Carter: It's you exercising and making sure that you are mentally, Healthy and mentally strong and provided with the tools to fill your tool bag to ensure that you have the right resources to get yourself through anything and everything. Um, 

[00:11:38] Intro: yeah, 

[00:11:38] Carter: so, I mean, the fact that you've, you've done all of these different roles and and devoted just.

[00:11:45] Carter: Massive, massive chunks of your life to, uh, people in need of, of, uh, a little extra care and, uh, a little bit of planning and mental health advocacy. And just advocacy in general is, is truly inspiring. And, [00:12:00] um, on behalf of the entire world, thank you because the entire world needs more people like you. 

[00:12:05] Chisato: It's my honor, honestly.

[00:12:06] Chisato: Like I truly believe that. I know what it's like to, to feel like there's only darkness in the world. And at that point I had a choice of, well, I can provide a light or I can continue to be in the darkness and I wanted to be able to provide a light. Um, it's so needed. The more light the better. Right. Um, so yeah, I figured if I could be part of it, why not?

[00:12:28] Chisato: Um, and that's my daughter. Yeah. And I, that's 

[00:12:30] Carter: how I feel too. I, um, I, that's the reason I'm starting this podcast. It's totally, you know, I don't have any. I don't have any sort of formal training apart from the training that work provided me to work with, um, youth offenders and things like that. But I, I just felt, especially around parenting, I found that there was such a lack of resources for parenting, uh, with, and dealing with your own mental health.

[00:12:52] Carter: There was a lot of resources surrounding like being a parent with, uh, children on the autism spectrum or children having ADHD, [00:13:00] but there was not much in terms of the parent themselves having parenting. or autism, any, any form of anxiety, depression, BPD, everything like that. Uh, so I was like, okay, I can either go to school and study it, uh, which I don't really have time for, or I can just start this podcast and just talk to everyone.

[00:13:21] Carter: I can all over the world and just gather this. community pool of knowledge and bring it all together and hopefully come out on the end of it. Um, you know, a better version of myself and help other people along the way. And so I'm just doing my bit. And I also felt, especially with podcasts, there's a lot of parenting podcasts, and then there's a lot of mental health podcasts and the two generally intersect on a lot of episodes.

[00:13:46] Carter: But I felt that there's not many parenting and mental health podcasts specifically for kids. To exist in, in that, uh, in that space. So if the 

[00:13:55] Chisato: parents are not able to be okay, then like, how are we as the [00:14:00] adults going to be okay for the kids, right? Like if we're not, if we're not feeling ourselves and we're not stable and we're not okay, how can we be okay for, for our kids?

[00:14:09] Chisato: It's so needed. 

[00:14:12] Intro: Stay with us. We'll be right back.

[00:14:17] Carter: We are proud to announce our children's book. Girls can wear pants too, is up for pre order. Head to the podcast, Instagram, and hit the bio link to sign up for pre order today.

[00:14:30] Carter: Exactly. Our jobs as parents is to, uh, ensure that our children grow up, uh, better versions of us, 

[00:14:37] Intro: not, 

[00:14:37] Carter: not the same, you know, I don't want my children to grow up as a mirror image of me because I am full of faults and I am trying to correct them every day. Uh, so I want to ensure that they grow up, you know, beautiful, empathetic.

[00:14:51] Carter: well balanced kids, you know, and, and I'm still learning. I'm still pretty early into parenthood. Um, I've still got a long, long, long journey to go, but you [00:15:00] know, this is, yeah, definitely a big part of the process. So with you doing all of these roles and, uh, obviously being exposed to some really, really traumatic experiences and some scenarios, uh, what, what were you doing in terms of your own self care to ensure that you, When overflowing your bucket.

[00:15:22] Chisato: First let me say I love that question. I get that question a lot and I love it every time I'm asked that. So I know before I had kids and it's changed since I've had kids but before I had kids I think it was a little easier for me in some ways because I could Go to dinner with friends and not really worry about, you know, how it impacted other people because it was me, you know, just it was just me.

[00:15:42] Chisato: Um, I think one of the things that's really been helpful self care wise is that, um, I've been with my husband for seven, it's been a while, we've been together for a while and, um, we, You know, we went, met in community college, we went to Berkeley together. We've [00:16:00] really grown together, I think. And it's, I think knowing that I have somebody to grow with has been super helpful when the boys were diagnosed.

[00:16:10] Chisato: So of course, then we became parents and then the boys were diagnosed. And once the boys were diagnosed, I think that changed a lot in regards to my self care and my own growth. Um, so one of the things I did is I went back for a doctorate, um, and my husband actually went back for his master's. And really the big reason for us was that we wanted to show the boys that you aim for what you want to aim for.

[00:16:36] Chisato: You, you aim for the stars. And if you. If you fail, you know what you tried and that's actually going to be experienced and that's actually super great. And so, you know, I went into my doctorate thinking, well, if I don't do well, then, hey, I tried I've been talking about getting my doctorate for a while. I might as well try it.

[00:16:55] Chisato: And so we really a lot of things we do. I'm very mindful of, like, my kids are always [00:17:00] watching me. Um, right. We also, my husband goes to work out. I actually walk if possible daily. I go on weekly date nights with my kids, which is super helpful for me as well as them because they're twins and it's very hard for them a lot of times to get that one on one attention they've been together since like day one.

[00:17:20] Chisato: Right. So I schedule a Monday and Tuesday date night with them and you know, it can be as short as 30 minutes. Sometimes it's as long as an hour and a half kind of depending on what they want to do. It's usually walking around the store, usually what it is, but we get to have that time with each other, and I get to enjoy them, which is amazing for me, it fills me with a lot of joy that I'm able to, to get to know them because I mean, you have multiple kids.

[00:17:50] Chisato: I'm sure you've realized like they are so different when they're together. 

[00:17:54] Carter: Oh yeah. 

[00:17:55] Chisato: Yeah. 

[00:17:58] Carter: Yeah. I take my son every [00:18:00] fortnight. Uh, my two year old boy, he's, he's on the spectrum as well. Uh, so I take him to occupational therapy, uh, once a fortnight, but it's with animals. So we go to like a massive property.

[00:18:11] Carter: It's just full of. Pigs, horses, sheep, goats, um, bearded dragons, turtles, frogs, cats, dogs, you name it, they've got it. And seeing him, uh, so the reason for all of the animals is to get him used to all of the different experiences, you know, the touches that like he pats the animals. And obviously a pig feels different to a horse and a horse feels different to a chicken.

[00:18:34] Carter: Chicken feels different to a bearded dragon, turtle, et cetera, et cetera. So it's getting him used to all of these different textures and different sensory inputs. Uh, and he's been doing that. It'll be six weeks now. So he's only had three sessions. And in that time, his speech, his sensory issues, and all of these different things that we're a little bit, I wouldn't say worried about, but we knew would.

[00:18:58] Carter: Hurdle to, to [00:19:00] cross, uh, have just improved tenfold. So I'm really, really excited to continue watching him flourish. And that's, that's, uh, you know, it's like a little date for me and him each fortnight. And, and my 3-year-old hates it every day. She's like, I wanna, 

[00:19:15] Chisato: why Connell's fun. I wanna do it. 

[00:19:18] Carter: Yeah. So I, I need to implement a date day for her sometime soon.

[00:19:23] Carter: I think her and I will go get our nails did just have a cute little girl's day. Um, but yeah, no, it's, it's absolutely perfect. And I think that one on one time with both parents is, is especially, um, important definitely for, for twins, uh, who, who literally have been together since day one. 

[00:19:41] Chisato: Yeah. I, you know, I, I really try to, Look at them as individuals because they're, they're complete opposites.

[00:19:47] Chisato: They're very, very different from each other. Um, one loves art, one loves math, like super different. Um, and they love each other. Are they identical twins? Um, Yuri is my little artist and then Akira is my little [00:20:00] mathematician. 

[00:20:01] Carter: Are they identical? They're 

[00:20:02] Chisato: fraternal. So they actually look different. They act different.

[00:20:05] Chisato: Yuri has straight hair and has my face. I have wavy hair. Um, and then Akira has my husband's face, but my hair. 

[00:20:15] Carter: Yep. Okay. 

[00:20:17] Chisato: Very good. Why is very different. Um, but they love each other fiercely. Right. And so. And when they're together, obviously they feed off each other and feed off each other quite often, which is absolutely understandable.

[00:20:27] Chisato: So when they're apart, it's, it's so interesting to see how different they are. Um, so I get to have, I get to enjoy my time with them and you know, hopefully they're, they enjoy it as well. I know one of them definitely does. He's like, mommy, five o'clock. 

[00:20:42] Intro: It's 

[00:20:43] Chisato: Monday. My other one, he's kind of like, Hey, Tuesday, Wednesday, whichever is fine.

[00:20:48] Chisato: But as long as he gets that time, he's, you know, he's not as. About it. 

[00:20:53] Carter: Yeah, beautiful. So as far as being a parent of two boys on the autism [00:21:00] spectrum, what advice do you have for parents who have children on the spectrum? And how can they better support their children's mental health and growth? 

[00:21:07] Chisato: I love that question.

[00:21:08] Chisato: Um, and I sigh because there's so many that comes to my mind and I'm like, no, it's just out of just Um, so, um, I would say one of the big things was for us that helped was that was remembering that the diagnosis does not change who they are. They've always been on the spectrum. We just didn't know. So now we know, and knowing that for us helped to, to think, Oh, that makes sense.

[00:21:37] Chisato: Like, that's why he does this. So it's not something for us to like redirect or worry about, like, is there ways that we can support that, right? I think for us it was helpful to understand. Also, one of the things that we also do is, um, seeing beyond the label, like not everything they do is because they're on the spectrum.

[00:21:57] Chisato: I have ADHD. If you can't tell I move a lot, [00:22:00] but not everything I do is because I have ADHD, right? And I, and I would hate it if somebody was like, Oh, you're sad today because you have ADHD. No, I'm sad today because something bad happened. Right? Like I think it's so important for any diagnosis. Um, To be able to see past the label and see the person.

[00:22:19] Carter: Yeah, 100%. You can't just put everyone in a box. 

[00:22:22] Chisato: Yes, absolutely. That's not how it works. Absolutely. Then that's not how it works. And I think with a lot of diagnoses, that's, that's kind of what happens, right? Oh, he does that because he's on the spectrum or he had a really bad day. Like I have bad days and all of us have bad days and it's okay.

[00:22:37] Chisato: Um, so, you know, I, I talk to my kids all the time, but you know what, all of us have strength, all of us have struggles, all of us have good days, all of us have some bad days, and that's okay, like, it's okay, um, I normalize that a lot, I'm in my 40s and I still have bad days, like, you're seven, of course, you're going to have bad days, like, that's okay, um, 

[00:22:57] Carter: We have a, uh, we have a national [00:23:00] holiday, it's not a holiday, but we have a national day in Australia called R U OK?

[00:23:04] Carter: Day. And, um, the slogan is, it's okay to not be okay. And I think that that really resonates with a lot of people. And that's, that's a really big thing here. I'm not sure 

[00:23:14] Chisato: if that is in America. I don't think I've heard that we do have, um, I know my old agency, we. I want, I want to say it's a county thing, though there was a mental health day and we did talk about mental health with like a green ribbon, but it's mental health matters, something like that.

[00:23:30] Chisato: Each mind, each mind matters. Um, so talking about mental health. So I know it's starting to, we're starting to talk about it more. And yeah, like, I love that slogan. It's okay not to be okay. It's it, it is okay to not be okay. And I think at least for us, like, we really tried to stress that with the boys that.

[00:23:46] Chisato: We all have bad days, you know, and, and I, I don't love you any less because you had a bad day. Like we're all about that. 

[00:23:54] Carter: Yeah. So yeah. We really stress with our, with our kids. We really stress, uh, you know, if [00:24:00] mommy and daddy have a bad day, uh, cause I tend to get overstimulated quite a bit and I get a little bit impatient and I get a little bit yelly.

[00:24:07] Carter: I always make sure to take the time after everything kind of settles to sit down with them one on one and say, I'm really, really sorry. And it's, and it's okay if you're upset with me, uh, because daddy shouldn't have yelled and I shouldn't have gotten upset, but I did because of X, Y, Z reasons. And I just want to make sure that you're okay.

[00:24:28] Carter: And I want you to know that daddy loves you and I'm really, really sorry. Do you forgive me? And that's the conversation that we will always have. You know, I, I sit and I've watched, you know, countless YouTube videos and TikTok videos of like gentle parenting and shame myself into feeling like I have to be this way.

[00:24:47] Carter: Otherwise, my kids are going to grow up so damaged, but I think at the end of the day, there needs to be just the right way. balance. They need to understand you can push buttons sometimes, and this is what's going to happen. And it may [00:25:00] not necessarily be your fault because something may have happened in my day.

[00:25:04] Carter: You aren't aware of that has tipped me over my edge. So all it is is balance as far as we're concerned, and we just need to make sure at the end of the day they know we love them. They know we'll do anything for them to make them happy and care for them. We're also humans. We're not only parents, we're not only slaves.

[00:25:23] Carter: We're not just here to feed you and put TV shows on for you and give you piggyback rides and everything like that. We're humans with real needs and we need self care and we need timeouts. And if, if you're coming into my space, when I'm touched out, hence the name of the podcast, you know, prepare to probably get a little bit.

[00:25:40] Carter: Grump dad, right? 

[00:25:42] Chisato: I love that. I love that. Yeah. I think, you know, the fact that you're like honest with their kids and just like real with them and letting them know, like, we still love you, you know, but we have bad days too. And that doesn't mean that we love you any less. And we apologize. And, you know, like, I think that's so cool.

[00:25:57] Chisato: Important to, to model for them that, [00:26:00] Hey, as an adult, like we apologize to it's so important. And honestly, like, I know many people did not grow up that way. I didn't grow up with my parents apologizing to me, not 

[00:26:13] Carter: at all. 

[00:26:13] Chisato: That's, that was my normal. Like I'm, I'm Asian. I'm Japanese. And honestly, a lot of API parents, I think older parents struggle with that, but, you know, I think.

[00:26:22] Chisato: Okay. Myself, I really wanted to take the strength that my parents had, but also add my own strength, you know, um, and look at, you know, I would have loved it if my parents did A, B, C, D, and I understand why they couldn't or didn't because they had their own reasons. And that's okay. I'm not there to say like, Oh, you, you, you sucked as parents.

[00:26:42] Chisato: Like they did that. They were great parents and they are great parents. And there were things that I would have liked different. So, you know, I try definitely to, to implement that, including apologizing to the kids and acknowledging when we've made mistakes. 

[00:26:56] Carter: I think that's the best part about, you know, our [00:27:00] generation and, and the generations that will come after us is instead of just.

[00:27:06] Carter: Repeating the same patterns that our parents did because that's what their parents did. And that's just the way it was, you know, now that we've got, it's like the new technological era, you know, we've got the internet, we've got countless resources available at our fingertips and the ability to access communities of millions and millions of people that have lived through those same experiences where their parents emulated their parents.

[00:27:28] Carter: And it was awesome. Not a great home life. Uh, and instead of their parents recognizing that and making that change and breaking that kind of generational trauma, we're able to do that now. And I just think that that's, that's so great. And that's such a massive, massive step forward. Even though it is still a snail's pace, you know, it's still going to take a long, long time to get to where we need to be, you know, elimination of like toxic masculinity and things like that.

[00:27:54] Carter: A lot of, a lot of men especially grew up, don't cry, be a man, don't show your [00:28:00] emotions and 

[00:28:02] Chisato: messaging, right? 

[00:28:03] Carter: Yeah. So, I mean, I work with youth from 15 to 21 and the amount of them. perpetuate those ideals is absolutely astounding. Yeah. And, and I've, I've tried to talk to them about it. And obviously they're very, very hesitant, just given, you know, their upbringing and their circumstances in which them and I am meeting, they're still very like, I'm not going to talk about my emotions with you, dude.

[00:28:28] Carter: That's fucking gay. Excuse my language. And 

[00:28:30] Chisato: I'm, and I'm just like, 

[00:28:32] Carter: you know, that's, that's cool, man. But I'm always here. If you, you know what I mean? Ever need to buzz me up because I work nights. If you ever need to buzz me up, I'm here. You're alone in your room. I'm here. The other, the other people don't need to know about it, 

[00:28:46] Chisato: right?

[00:28:46] Chisato: Can we take off that mask for a second? And 

[00:28:48] Carter: I'm here and I'm yet to get a buzz up, but that's okay. It'll happen one day. 

[00:28:53] Chisato: Yeah, I think if you're continuously consistent and show them that you're a safe person and they realize that they really feel [00:29:00] it because like you said, they're upbringing. Maybe they never had that person to be like, you know, I really am safe and has shown them that they're that you're really safe.

[00:29:08] Chisato: Um, so, you know, for them to be able to say, okay, well, you know what, I pushed them away multiple times, but he's consistent with me. You know, he's continuously been like time with me. He never hit me. He never yelled at me. You know, like, I think that. So important with kids who have been through the trauma that that they've been through to end up in the in the situation where they're meeting you, how they're meeting you.

[00:29:31] Chisato: Right. Um, and I feel like the fact that you see them as people is probably very difficult for them. Like that's new for them. So once they realize, like, Oh, he's all he's actually me. Meaning what he's saying that buzz, what? Yeah, 

[00:29:44] Carter: definitely. I think the main reason why I ended up in the position that I'm in is because I really, really pushed the fact that I'm an empathetic person during, during the entire pre employment process.

[00:29:57] Carter: You know, I was just like, they were like, you know, how would you feel [00:30:00] working with child sex offenders or, you know, people that have murdered people, things like that. And I was just like, I'm, I'm not there to judge them. You know, everyone's got circumstances which led them to where they are today, just like I do.

[00:30:11] Carter: You know, a couple of, a couple of horrible decisions that I made as a younger person could have led me exactly where they are. So I'm not there to judge them. I'm there to care for them and to provide them with the care that I've been employed to do. So not only, not only as my job, but just as a person.

[00:30:30] Carter: And I think, I mean, you said it best before is, That there is just really still a lack of empathy in pretty much, you know, communities worldwide. You, you live in California and I feel the exact same way as you, so 

[00:30:43] Chisato: I'm seeing like even in your position, you're like seeing beyond the label, right? Like you're seeing beyond the label of like criminal or, or sex offender of like murder, murder.

[00:30:52] Chisato: Like those are all labels and you're like, well, I still see the person. Like, at the end of the day, I'm seeing the person as the person, right? Like, we [00:31:00] all have a past. We all had made some bad choices, like all of us. We've all made good and bad choices. And if we only saw that person as their worst choice that they've made, we're going to miss everything else.

[00:31:11] Chisato: And I'm hearing that you see them as like an actual person. Yeah. 

[00:31:17] Carter: So, so when we, when we get a new boy in, into our unit or anything like that, the general rule is that we would read through their file and that would come with seeing what their charges are. And I just don't, I just don't, the only thing I look for in their file is, is worker safety to see if.

[00:31:34] Carter: There, uh, they have a history of assaulting staff. I feel like that's the only thing I need to be aware of, but because I work nights, uh, I don't really have like face to face contact with them anymore. I worked days, uh, for 12 months and I end up moving to nights due to, uh, an incident, which is fine. It is what it is.

[00:31:52] Carter: So what inspired you to become an advocate for trauma informed care and what has been your experience working with [00:32:00] grassroots organizations to promote it? 

[00:32:02] Chisato: Yeah. Um, so funny story. It actually comes with multiple layers, I think. Um, so, you know, like I said, I really started out in this field. With trauma, um, you know, I was a rape crisis counselor and that I think really propelled me to formulate a lot of things with like, okay, let's look at it as like a person as a person and then their environment and who they are.

[00:32:28] Chisato: And like, there's so many things that I think shape people and then that really, I think just. really propelled a lot of what I do. The organization that I'm with, Trauma Informed LA, for my volunteer position, that, I think, um, I actually joined because a friend of mine is the executive director, and I can never say no to her, um, and she told me about this, and she's like, Chisato, like, you're so focused, like, you are so passionate about, you know, trauma informed care as a therapist, [00:33:00] right?

[00:33:00] Chisato: Like, that was my thing anyways, but I think, you know, Finding out that we have this organization where we're really promoting that, I think, was huge and I was like, yeah, let me, help me in. So, I started out as a volunteer coordinator and I, again, continuously say yes to a lot of things, so, um, I'm very involved in them.

[00:33:17] Chisato: And then my organization that I'm with, um, for my full time job, we are also ACEs informed and, and we're very much trauma informed. So. I think being involved in those multiple organizations, and then also coming from a trauma background, I think just kind of led me to where I'm at. And, you know, I think it's as a therapist and as somebody that teaches, sometimes I see that we use the DSM, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual that's sitting right here, actually, as It's like a cookbook almost.

[00:33:48] Chisato: Like, I've seen, I've seen, especially new people, which I absolutely understand because clinical skills are a skill where they'll just kind of be like, Oh, I think, I think, I think I hear ODD. And they'll just kind of open it [00:34:00] up and be like, check, check, check, check. Oh yeah, that's, that's what it is. But we don't look at like the bigger picture, right?

[00:34:05] Chisato: We don't. And it's so important because if we use Anything, but like really like something diagnosed as a cookbook and we're just checking things off. We're not seeing the person for who they are. Let's just start there. And then the second thing is we're not, we're actually not diagnosing properly because 

[00:34:23] Carter: Not only just using it as, as like a cookbook, but also understanding how long ago that cookbook was made.

[00:34:32] Carter: You know, a lot of, a lot of women in today's society have been misdiagnosed. Uh, as BPD when it's in fact likely to be a ADHD because a lot of the markers for ADHD were only for men when it was created. So, you know, a lot of women have been misdiagnosed over the years and, and, uh, yeah, there's been some experiences in my personal life where I've, I've found, um, you know, women close to me have had that happen to them.

[00:34:59] Carter: Yeah, 

[00:34:59] Chisato: I think that's [00:35:00] the thing, right? Like, I think it's so important to. I'm always pushing like we need to see beyond the label really specifically because of that, because I think when we just assume the label, everything kind of becomes about that, right? Like if somebody says, Oh, this person has BPD. Oh, and that's why they do A, B, C and D.

[00:35:18] Chisato: And then we miss like, well, actually it might be because they're struggling with ADHD that hasn't been diagnosed and they feel like they're not understood. Right? Like it's. I think sometimes we, we miss that and we forget that. So for me as somebody that, you know, has been in this field for a long time and now I'm a supervisor and also a professor and I talk to my students a lot about diagnosis is, you know, don't use the book as just like a check, check, check, check, check.

[00:35:45] Chisato: Like you really need to sit down and look at. Everything the client is sharing and bringing to the table and, you know, there are some things that they might not share, but they're still bringing to the table. And it really is important to see them as the person they are. 

[00:35:59] Intro: [00:36:00] And, 

[00:36:00] Chisato: you know, I truly believe that if we can do that, that the diagnosis becomes about how can we support them.

[00:36:06] Chisato: But it really should be helping to guide treatment and support, not, well, that's, that's why you do that and just becoming a label and just kind of becoming the reason for everything that they do. Um, so, 

[00:36:16] Carter: so in your opinion, what, what are some systemic changes that you feel need to be made in order to improve access to mental health resources for children and families?

[00:36:27] Carter: Especially those in underserved communities. 

[00:36:31] Chisato: Yeah, yeah, that's a great question. I think one of the things would be just more knowledge about mental health even, right? Like, I, I've worked with, I worked with underserved communities for a long time. And my jobs. And, you know, there is very much a stigma around asking for help, asking for help, acknowledging that there is an issue, acknowledging that there is a mental health issues.

[00:36:54] Chisato: So I think that's, that's where it starts. Like let's talk about mental wellness. Um, that's one. I think the second thing is funds. [00:37:00] I can give an example. So when, again, both my kids are on the spectrum before they were diagnosed, they, one of them especially had, um, speech therapy services. And, um, we had Medicaid at that time.

[00:37:11] Chisato: And one day. I got a call saying, your Medicaid has been shut off. We run ran your Medicaid and it's been shut off. So we can't see your child. And we did not get a warning. It was going to get shut off. By the way, there was no phone call. There was no letter, nothing until afterwards. And, you know, that was just very know, I, I worked full time at that time and I was able to get my kids on, on my insurance, but I also think about people who are not able to do that, right?

[00:37:42] Chisato: Um, and part of my case management that I used to do was helping individuals, like, let's say, you know, that happened with one of my clients where their Medicaid was cut off. Um, I would go into case management mode and kind of help the caregivers call places that they had to call and, and really help them through it, um, so that they could get it [00:38:00] reinstated.

[00:38:00] Chisato: But I feel like a lot of times there's so many barriers. And if, if let's say a parent is already overwhelmed, Let's say they're dealing with their own mental health issues. They're exhausted. Do we really think that they're able to sit and talk to five people about, about the insurance and feel like they're continuously getting a wall?

[00:38:20] Chisato: No, right? Like, so what happens? Then they slip through the crack. So I do feel like that's, there are, is a lot of. Walls as they're trying to open doors and then I would say also there's individuals who don't qualify for state aid, for example, but still need some kind of support. Let's say they are not able to afford mental health services through their own insurance because it's still expensive.

[00:38:45] Chisato: There's a gap for those individuals to not. Everybody can afford 100 dollar sessions. I can't. Um, so I think really acknowledging that, that yeah, there is, there's definitely a lot [00:39:00] of work that needs to be done. One to talk about mental health services and what's available and what you need to get to that point.

[00:39:07] Chisato: How do you get these mental health services? We can talk about, Oh yeah, well, this agency exists. But are we assuming that everybody knows how to get to that agency? Are we assuming that that every single person knows, has the right insurance, knows what insurance is the right insurance, by the way, knows what steps they need to take?

[00:39:23] Chisato: Because I'm going to be honest with say, they probably don't. A lot of people don't. So I think that is like super important. I did community based mental health for a long time. I went to client's homes to provide services. I would go into schools if I had to, I would, you know, take them out if I had to, if that was like the best way to, to provide the services.

[00:39:43] Chisato: Um, so I think that flexibility is so needed just, I think all around, I think all around, especially 

[00:39:49] Carter: in underserved communities and, and the fact that, you know, a lot of underserved communities don't have access to. You know, a lot of educational resources and things [00:40:00] like that. So they're already a little bit behind the curve as far as emotional intelligence, things like that goes.

[00:40:06] Carter: Especially, you know, you've got a lot of a lot of people with, you know, fetal alcohol syndrome and other health issues stemming from, you know, their parents and the choices that their parents made. So they're already, you know, they're already off to a pretty upsetting start and then to throw them in the mix and Have all of this red tape, it would be so daunting to them and, you know, they would, I understand why they would just kind of throw their hands up in the air 

[00:40:34] Chisato: except, 

[00:40:35] Carter: except the life that, you know, they've, they've been, it wasn't their choice to have the life that they've 

[00:40:41] Chisato: got.

[00:40:41] Chisato: This is just how it is. 

[00:40:43] Carter: Yeah. And that, you know, that lack of empathy then comes into play is that, you know, uh, the community and society as a whole view those people as lesser than, and, you know, you start, they start saying, you know, lock them up. They're just criminals and they're this and [00:41:00] they're that, but they don't truly look behind those people and yeah, they don't, they don't try to look at the bigger picture and understand as to why.

[00:41:08] Carter: It is the way it is. And it's, they're just forced into this yet again, generational cycle and generational trauma of, you know, living in poverty and living with these mental health issues without the proper supports in place to get them to where they need to be. 

[00:41:22] Chisato: Yeah, and it's, it's, it's truly, 

[00:41:23] Carter: truly upsetting.

[00:41:24] Chisato: It is. Yeah, it absolutely is. I think one of the things that, you know, we did, um, as prevention early intervention that I, I feel like should be done all around is going into schools. And talking about mental health, not only to the teachers and the parents, but also to the kids, like being able to talk about, you know, let's talk about mental illness, just as a conversation, let's just do it.

[00:41:47] Chisato: Um, and then hopefully, you know, as the schools in general are more educated, um, that includes the teachers and the admin staff and everybody, right, including parents and. And the kiddos, then, like, hopefully the school can [00:42:00] also keep an eye out on, you know what, like, this kiddo might need the extra support and, like, let's help them get to that point.

[00:42:06] Chisato: And, of course, that's gonna need school, schools need resources, too, but I think it also comes with, like, their knowledge, because a lot of times schools don't know, school officials don't know, right, of, like, what to look out for, what they can do, or what services are out there. So I think it kind of, You know, if there's a way to be able to do it as everybody, just as a society in general, and with multiple systems, and not it only be like, well, schools do their own thing, and the mental health does their own thing.

[00:42:32] Chisato: And they, like, instead of doing it that way, is there a way to come together, right? And work together so that these kids are not falling through the cracks. Of the multiple systems, 

[00:42:42] Carter: you know, when, when you talk about it like that, it seems like such a simple solution to just pull all of the community resources together and, and do that.

[00:42:51] Carter: I feel the same way, and I am constantly told that I have this utopian view. I am 

[00:42:56] Chisato: so sorry. Give me 1 second. No, that's that's 

[00:42:58] Carter: fine. 

[00:42:59] Chisato: Say [00:43:00] that 1 more time. You saw a box. I think that's your box for Friday. Can you wait until Friday, please? I don't know what it is, but I'm assuming it's your box for Friday.

[00:43:11] Chisato: I'm showing the box. Oh, okay. All right. Thank you. Okay, there's a box you're going to show me. Apparently there's a package at the front door. And he's very obsessed with Amazon and any kind of package that comes. He's like, it's mine. I'm like, it might not be yours. It might be super boring. But actually this is what it is.

[00:43:31] Chisato: So he's very excited about it. Of course he's 

[00:43:34] Carter: excited. Yeah, no, I'd be excited too. 

[00:43:36] Chisato: He is just, um, I, I, okay, baby, I don't know what these are. I need to open these later. Can you please wait? Oh, I know what this is. I'm actually pretty sure this is one. This is your shadow plushie or Aki's Ami plushie. You can get this on, um, Friday.

[00:43:52] Chisato: Okay. Thank you. Yeah, but you can open that. I'm pretty sure that's your cup slug. Again, I'm so sorry. This [00:44:00] is what happens when there's a package at my door. 

[00:44:02] Carter: It's totally fine. No apologies needed at all. Um, I guess, you know, seeing you, uh, be a parent and the soft spot and, and the way in which you talk to, uh, your baby boy is a good segue to discuss, uh, the children's book that you published, would you like to discuss that a little bit and how it addresses, addresses issues related to autism and mental health?

[00:44:24] Chisato: So the children's book I created, I actually, funny story. I actually wrote it in a night. Um, it was because one of my kiddos was really struggling. He was having several days where he was really struggling at school. And, and I really, my husband and I had a date night, um, and we were sitting and talking about.

[00:44:44] Chisato: Well, you know, what else can we do? Because we constantly talk to him, right? We practice coping skills, but what else can we do? And I was like, well, you know, I've created like, like reminder sheets. Like we've done so many things, but we love reading with them. Like that is one of the things [00:45:00] that we do with them and they love to read.

[00:45:02] Chisato: So I was like, well, I wonder if there's a book out there where we can almost. Personify like the voices we hear in ourselves. That's like, yeah, make this choice. You know, we all have that right where we're just like, this is a bad choice, but I'm going to do this anyways, like that little voice. And then the other voice that says, wait, think about your choices.

[00:45:21] Chisato: Wait, hold up. Hold up. That's not a good choice. So I would, I was trying to look for, and I couldn't find anything, um, that I felt like was what I was looking for. So I was like, well, if it doesn't exist, let me make it. So I wrote it for my kids. That was literally what I was supposed to, what I was doing. So it's a book on coping skills.

[00:45:40] Chisato: There's a red choice monster and a green choice monster. And it talks about ways we can help the red choice monster get smaller. It never disappears because we all have that little voice in our head that says, yeah, make that choice anyways, like eat that cookie. It's not good for you, but eat that cookie anyways, right?

[00:45:56] Chisato: We all have that. Um, I know I have it. And [00:46:00] so I, um, it, it talks about coping skills. and ways we can cope, um, and listen to the red choice monster or the green choice monster and what could happen. So I created that and I self published it on Amazon. It's called go away, red choice monster, where every time you do a coping skill, you say, go away, red choice monster and the red choice monster gets smaller.

[00:46:24] Chisato: And then, you know, once it's small, it goes to the green choice monster and says, he's not, they're not listening to me. You know, maybe it'll listen to you and the green choice monster gives some. Choices of what you can do, ask for help, use nice words, all that stuff. So I tried to make it kind of fun and really highlighting that we have choices and we have ways of calming ourselves down.

[00:46:46] Chisato: And then I was able to connect with a publisher and they are currently revamping it and it's called Our Choices and it's not, there's now a journal that comes with it as well. And the journal is [00:47:00] Created so that the child will write in it and then an adult will also write in it as well. So it's kind of like a back and forth.

[00:47:06] Chisato: Um, in my mind, I was thinking of the clients that, you know, maybe their parents worked multiple jobs and they weren't, they weren't home all the time, or they weren't able to have that like 20, 30 minutes where they can sit and talk about their choices, or, you know, this is what happened today and I need to talk about it, but you weren't here.

[00:47:23] Chisato: So I thought, you know, this would be a good way that one kiddos can practice journaling. Um, and they can do art and whatever they want to do. And there's several, um, coping skills sprinkled in throughout, and then the adults can too, and, you know, really model for them that we all have bad, bad days too, and that's okay.

[00:47:41] Chisato: And here's a good moment that I had, and here's a not so great moment I had, and here's how I dealt with it. So that's coming out soon. That's being worked on. I've done my part. I'm just kind of waiting at this point. So I'm super excited. It really was. It started as a simple concept of just wanting to have something for my kids.[00:48:00] 

[00:48:00] Chisato: And I wrote it and I shared it with several people and they all were like, you need to publish this. Like, this would be so great because you know, the more we can talk about coping skills with kids, the better. Right. And I, And I tried to make it as fun as possible so that adults can even read it too, hopefully, and they can enjoy it.

[00:48:16] Chisato: Um, not just kids. And it's, it's not there to shame the kids for, you know, listening to the Red Choice Monster, again, all of us do sometimes, um, and that's okay, but it's kind of to remind them that there are ways we can cope. 

[00:48:30] Carter: Yeah, that's absolutely amazing. I love it. So it was called, uh, go Away, red Choice Monster.

[00:48:35] Carter: Is that version of the book still available on Amazon currently? Correct. Awesome. I'll, I'll definitely go have a look at that. Uh, my wife and I have also written a children's book. It's not so much a self-help book, but I think it is a story that does need to be told. We have looked at self-publishing, but finances are a little tight at the moment, so we had to put that on the shelf.

[00:48:55] Carter: Uh, but that is called. Uh, girls can wear pants too. [00:49:00] We are very, very pro non gendered toys and things like that. We think, you know, gendered clothing and gendered toys is just perpetuating yet again, it's a toxic culture. Um, so our book is one day going to come out and, uh, it'll be our little contribution to, uh, further changing the direction in which, uh, we are still kind of, you know, Walking towards, 

[00:49:24] Chisato: let me know when that happens.

[00:49:26] Chisato: It's not if, when that happens, I would love to, to read it. Honestly, 

[00:49:30] Carter: it'll happen. One day we'll probably talk more off. We'll talk more off camera about, uh, about the options available there. Um, before we wrap up, is there anything else you want to, uh, plug or discuss or promote anything, anything at all?

[00:49:44] Carter: You've got your blog. You can tell us about your blog. 

[00:49:47] Chisato: It's called therapist mama bear and two awesome. A U S O M E cubs. Because my kids are awesome And truly they are they're they're amazing little boys. So I have a blog I also you [00:50:00] can also find me on instagram at therapist mama bear where I have everything linked and then I you can also find Me on facebook as well on my facebook and instagram page Every day, I have like a little thing that I'll post Monday I'll post about the post I have ADHD, so I'm really bad at posting things, um, unless I have a good, like, system.

[00:50:20] Chisato: So, um, I post a blog every Monday with my weekly tip and then Tuesday I share a little bit about the family, whether it's, you know, right now it's how each of us copes. I just shared, uh, my first one yesterday about My husband where he, um, he works out. I hate the gym. I suck at the gym. I've tried every time I go, I'm like, Oh, this is too much.

[00:50:43] Chisato: It's, it's too loud. It's too bright. So I stopped going. Every time I try, I keep, I just keep stopping. Husband loves the gym. I walk outside. That's just kind of my thing at this point. That's okay. I've also shared about each of us, our strength, our difficulties, you know, just kind of share about my journey, share [00:51:00] about my husband a little bit.

[00:51:00] Chisato: I also share about my boys on Tuesdays and then Wednesday I do a wellness Wednesday. Just, you know, a wellness tip, you know, what can you do to take care of yourself? We talked about self care, right? Sometimes you forget. So just a reminder to take care of ourselves on Wednesdays. And then Thursday I do a thankful Thursday of just talking about something we can be grateful for.

[00:51:19] Chisato: I'll give a prompt of just kind of helping everybody think. The Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I kind of do like pick videos of the boys or something funny that happened just to kind of get a laugh, just to get a smile, even my kids have a tendency to, um, getting up on me and make some right choices. Um, so I'm like, I honestly, I, at this point I can laugh about it, which is fine, you know?

[00:51:45] Chisato: And I, I tried to be as real as possible on my Facebook and my Instagram as well. So. I would love it if people can follow me in our journey. You know, I, I really hope my hope is that we can shed a little bit of light, however we can, whether it's [00:52:00] mental health or, or autism. I do talk about both and you know, or if somebody just wants to like laugh at me getting ganged up on by my kids, that's fine too.

[00:52:10] Chisato: So yes. 

[00:52:12] Carter: Awesome. Well, I'll make sure to include all of your links in our episode description. Uh, thank you so, so much for joining me today. You are an absolute wealth of knowledge. Uh, not only that, but you are possibly one of the most selflessly, amazing, empathetic, To a, to a T people I've ever had the pleasure of speaking to.

[00:52:35] Carter: This will, I mean, it's my favorite podcast to date. I'm only new to it, but I, I think I'm going to have trouble topping it. And, uh, if, if you, uh, if you would love to come back on, I'll, I'll have you any day, any day. I 

[00:52:48] Chisato: would love it. I, I love your, your vision for the podcast. And I feel like we, we, Chatting with you was super easy and I love that.

[00:52:58] Chisato: I'm anytime you want me back. [00:53:00] I am always, always willing. 

[00:53:02] Carter: Awesome. Awesome. Well, I'll be in contact at some stage in the near future then. Again, thank you very much. Have a great evening. I believe it's. That's probably what around five o'clock 

[00:53:13] Chisato: in California. 

[00:53:14] Carter: Yeah, almost, almost. I'm getting a little bit better at, uh, differentiating the time zones.

[00:53:21] Carter: It's, it's, it's still a learning curve. I'm horrible at math. So I'm getting there. Thank you again. Have a, have a great evening.

[00:53:41] Outro: If there's one thing I see, then the only thing is me. Just knowing that I'm trying to make a change. Can I put it all on me? Responsibilities and all the other nonsense coming [00:54:00] by repeating it. If there's one thing I know, it's knowing to let go. Just knowing that 

[00:54:08] Intro: I'm trying to make [00:55:00] [00:56:00] [00:57:00] [00:58:00] [00:59:00] Good.