The Importance of Asking for Help

In this episode of the Touched Out podcast, Kleigha, a military spouse and mother of two, joins to discuss the importance of self-care and seeking support in difficult times. 

• Kleigha shares her experience raising her nonverbal son and the challenges of parenting, including the hitting phase and potty training.
• The power of taking a break and resetting as a parent is emphasized, along with the importance of reaching out for help.
• A TikTok video about a mental breakdown and dealing with hateful comments on social media is discussed.
• The conversation moves on to ADHD and speech therapy for children, as well as the mental health experiences of military spouses.
• The difficult birth story of a first-time mom is recounted, and postpartum mental health and resources for parents are discussed.
• Mental health and self-care practices are talked about in detail, along with supporting friends through difficult times.

Head to the podcast Instagram and hit the bio link to sign up for preorder today.

Transcript

[Carter]: 0:01

Awesome. Now we've just started recording, but before we

[Kleigha]: 0:04

Oh, it's clear.

[Carter]: 0:04

actually record, how do I pronounce your name? Sorry. Clear.

[Kleigha]: 0:09

Yeah.

[Carter]: 0:10

Awesome. I was like, Claya, Claya,

[Kleigha]: 0:12

It's a weird run.

[Carter]: 0:12

not sure. Yeah, no, you're all good. All right. So, clear.

[Kleigha]: 0:16

Yeah.

[Carter]: 0:16

Awesome. Excuse me. All right, we'll get stuck in in a second.

[Kleigha]: 0:21

Perfect.

[Carter]: 0:24

All right, so today we have Claire. Claire is from Washington. 29 years old, is that right?

[Kleigha]: 0:31

It is, yep, or I am.

[Carter]: 0:32

Beautiful. Beautiful. First of all, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to Come on and have a chat with me. So first of all, we'll go through kind of your history, your family, give us a little bit of background information, and then we'll go from there.

[Kleigha]: 0:50

Sure. So I'm actually not from Washington, I'm actually Canadian. And I'm from Alberta, Canada.

[Carter]: 0:55

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 0:57

And in 2015 I met my, or yeah, 2015 I met my husband, who is serving for the US Army. And I met him one time and then left the country with him

[Carter]: 1:07

Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 1:11

and moved away and moved to Florida with him. And so now we've been married for, it'll be coming up on, six years right away here and now we have two babies.

[Carter]: 1:26

Awesome. And how old are your babies?

[Kleigha]: 1:28

My oldest is two, he turned two in January, and our youngest is seven months.

[Carter]: 1:34

Awesome. Both boys, both girls, girl boy.

[Kleigha]: 1:37

Our oldest is a boy and our youngest is a girl.

[Carter]: 1:40

Beautiful. Uh, plan on any more?

[Kleigha]: 1:43

I don't know, I'm a little scared. I've heard the jump from one to two is the hardest

[Carter]: 1:46

That's fair enough.

[Kleigha]: 1:51

and my husband's deployed right now, so I have a lot less help than I normally do, but yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna have any more. I don't know if I'm gonna have any more. I don't know if I'm gonna have any more.

[Carter]: 1:59

Yeah, that's fair enough. I was always told to jump from one to two as the hardest, so

[Kleigha]: 2:04

Yeah.

[Carter]: 2:04

we blindly jumped into having three, and two to three is way harder in my

[Kleigha]: 2:09

Is it?

[Carter]: 2:09

opinion. Yeah, you

[Kleigha]: 2:11

Oh no!

[Carter]: 2:11

don't have enough arms, you're outnumbered by them. It's

[Kleigha]: 2:14

Thank you. Thank you.

[Carter]: 2:14

yeah, it was a big, big adjustment. So my oldest is three, turning four in like two weeks. My middle boy is two, and we've got a little eight month old baby. currently teething at the moment, which is

[Kleigha]: 2:31

Yep.

[Carter]: 2:32

super horrible. So

[Kleigha]: 2:33

Yep.

[Carter]: 2:33

I've had her in my arms for the last hour and then I was like, oh, it's time to hand her over to my wife so I can

[Kleigha]: 2:39

Nope.

[Carter]: 2:39

do this recording.

[Kleigha]: 2:41

That's it. Thank you.

[Carter]: 2:43

Oh yeah, look, you miss it once you're out of it, but once you're in the thick of it, it's a different story.

[Kleigha]: 2:49

Yeah.

[Carter]: 2:49

But she's awesome, yeah, she's gone well. She's just started sleeping on her own and sleeping through the night a lot better until

[Kleigha]: 2:55

Mine too, it's very nice, yep.

[Carter]: 2:55

the teething happened, but. Yeah, so I came across your TikTok account and that's how we got in contact. And the video in that I saw originally was a little bit of an upsetting video, but one that definitely resonated with me to an extent. You're having a little bit of a mental breakdown

[Kleigha]: 3:21

Thank you.

[Carter]: 3:21

and it was a little bit of a cry for help. So do you want to run me through kind of how that video came about what was kind of going on in the background before you decided to hit record and

[Kleigha]: 3:33

Yeah.

[Carter]: 3:34

put that out into the world.

[Kleigha]: 3:36

Um, so my son is nonverbal. He will sign more and all done, and he's just recently started to like push me to lead me to things that he wants, but won't act like, can't actually communicate and tell me what it is that he wants. So we're playing a lot of charades and guessing games.

[Carter]: 3:54

anything. Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 3:57

And he's also in a bit of a hitting face, which works out not in his sister's benefit a lot of the time. It's unfortunate.

[Carter]: 4:04

Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 4:05

The first baby just has such a peaceful, life and then everyone after that you're like oh my goodness like you poor baby. And so I was having just a day with him. We also were sick and I on that day would have been like my day one of getting sick but I didn't know that I was getting sick yet and so my throat was hurting and I actually thought that my

[Carter]: 4:26

Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 4:28

throat was hurting from yelling at my son because we had just been having such a challenging day and I was just so overstimulated and felt like I just was not necessarily being a bad mom, but I just knew like, oh, this isn't a great mom moment for me. Like I'm not having this, this isn't a very great day.

[Carter]: 4:45

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 4:45

And he recently has also learned how to climb out of his crib. So now I have nowhere to trap him, safely for five minutes, so that I can go and take a little break without him getting into at least something. So I have baby proofed his room and everything

[Carter]: 4:57

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 4:59

and he's now transferred into a toddler bed, but I needed to put him in his room for five minutes so that I could go outside and take five minutes because I knew I needed to. to reset myself to to go back in and be maybe not like the complete parent I wanted to be but just better than where I was in that moment.

[Carter]: 5:15

Yeah,

[Kleigha]: 5:15

And because I'm Canadian and living in the States, my what my close village

[Carter]: 5:15

definitely.

[Kleigha]: 5:21

would be obviously is not close to me and I do have some friends here. But none of them live very close to me and so we normally will communicate through Snapchat and so what I had done is I had went outside and recorded this video on Snapchat to send personally to two of my very good friends to be like, oh my god, this is the day I'm having, I need someone to just tell me I'm doing a good job or something.

[Carter]: 5:47

Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 5:47

And then I didn't even actually send it to anybody, I ended up saving the video and not sending it because I just was like, this is too much for maybe even my friends right now, and maybe that's just something we record and is just never seen by anyone but you feel

[Carter]: 5:56

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 6:00

better because you at least said what you needed to say.

[Carter]: 6:03

little video diary.

[Kleigha]: 6:04

Right, just like a little vent sesh or something.

[Carter]: 6:05

Yep.

[Kleigha]: 6:07

And then I went back in and my son had,

[Carter]: 6:08

Yeah.

[Kleigha]: 6:11

so I believe he's showing signs of getting ready for potty training. So if he uses his diaper, he will almost immediately put his hands in his diaper. My belief is that he's uncomfortable and it's like, I don't like this. And because that happened while I was taking my break,

[Carter]: 6:23

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 6:26

there ended up being a mess in his room because I was taking a break and was not able to attend to him when I normally would right away. Um, so then the day just got worse and worse progressively actually, that wasn't even the worst of it.

[Carter]: 6:35

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 6:39

But, um, then later that night after, uh, going through it and I was just like, I had watched it again and I just, I, I hate having moments where you feel like no one else probably feels like you do even though you know that there's other people that feel that way.

[Carter]: 6:40

Mm-hmm

[Kleigha]: 6:59

And I, I didn't post the video until, I think it was two or three days later. later because I just had it stuck in my head of like how many other moms feel this way

[Carter]: 7:05

Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 7:10

and get shamed for reaching out for help or for asking help. And like I at that point I thought I had exhausted all of my options. Like I didn't know if there was anything else and I was just like, you know what, I have nothing to lose anymore. Like if there's like maybe someone on TikTok can teach me something that I don't know, I'm just gonna ask for help. And what's funny is, um, asking for help is one of my biggest weaknesses. my husband and I oftentimes will like I will wait until I'm so overwhelmed that I'm not nicely asking for help because I'm already melting down and breaking down because I just I prolong asking for help too long. So it's interesting to me when people are like there's hate comments on my video

[Carter]: 7:49

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 7:54

about like well why don't you tend to your kid instead of doing this and I'm just like if you only knew. And I got so much information on there they're like I I'm so happy that I posted that.

[Carter]: 7:59

Hmm Yeah, definitely. So at the time of recording this, I did go back onto your TikTok to check. It was 2.6 million views

[Kleigha]: 8:14

Nope.

[Carter]: 8:15

and it was 197,000 likes and 14.4 thousand comments. I myself went through a whole bunch of comments shortly before we started recording and while there was a lot of really You know, you're not alone. There was a whole bunch of really beautiful kind of community spirit

[Kleigha]: 8:41

Yeah.

[Carter]: 8:41

comments. There was so much hate, so, so much hate and it made it made my heart drop. So why don't you tell me a little bit about post, sorry, after you posted the video and receiving those hateful comments when you were already in a heightened state, how did that further affect your mental health? mental health or was it water off a duck's back where you're like, fuck these people? Or...

[Kleigha]: 9:09

Yeah, which I don't know if I, well, so prior to posting it, when I was like contemplating posting it, I knew already that, I mean, you're posting something like that on the internet. There's gonna be people that are gonna think it's ridiculous.

[Carter]: 9:22

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 9:22

So I did like make a mental note of like, if you're going to do this, you already need to mentally accept there's going to be mean people and you can't let that get to you

[Carter]: 9:32

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 9:33

because that's not going to be good for you. So if you're gonna do this, like you need to try to, as you can prepare yourself. Some of them have definitely been ruder than I expected. But yeah, they don't bother me. I don't feel like I know that I'm not a bad mom. I know that I'm a better mom for taking a break. And I also know, and I mean, even if someone did post something like that for attention, they still were asking for help. And I just think it's so funny that there's people that are actually bothered by somebody asking for help and then getting it. That just shows so much about, in my opinion, that they've been conditioned to feel shame when they ask for help, that it's so strong that they even feel the need to then spread that shame to other people. It's just like and so for me I, a couple of the videos, sorry, I am, or the couple of the hate comments rather, I did respond to and it's funny because with a lot of my friends I'm very much like don't engage with people who aren't positive, like you don't need to address that stuff, like don't waste your time doing that, but in this specific sense I felt like I could use them as teaching of like, because some of these comments were actual thoughts that went through my head as like a second guessing myself. And so I, I like to use those to show other moms like,

[Carter]: 10:48

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 10:52

hey, if this is a thought that you're having in your head, yeah, there's other people that like to think that way, but that doesn't mean that they're right. And you are allowed to ask for help. And they're not like people aren't bad people for asking for help. And

[Carter]: 11:01

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 11:04

we need to learn to do it sooner so that we're not so far broken before we get there. that help.

[Carter]: 11:11

Yeah, definitely.

[Kleigha]: 11:12

Thank you. Thank you.

[Carter]: 11:13

It's definitely, I really did enjoy the positive comments on it and

[Kleigha]: 11:19

Mm.

[Carter]: 11:19

it really was this beautiful sense of community worldwide.

[Kleigha]: 11:23

要

[Carter]: 11:24

And for that video to reach 2.6 or whatever it was, million

[Kleigha]: 11:29

Yeah, great.

[Carter]: 11:29

views is massive.

[Kleigha]: 11:31

Yeah.

[Carter]: 11:32

I'm sure you didn't expect it to blow up the way it did. And I looked at your other videos, I saw that there wasn't anywhere near as many views. So that's why I've,

[Kleigha]: 11:40

Yeah.

[Carter]: 11:41

I felt the need to reach out to you because I was like, you know, this mama is in crisis and she's been brave enough to post this really, really revealing and raw video of herself just just just being like, I don't know what the fuck to do. Please

[Kleigha]: 11:54

Thank you.

[Carter]: 11:54

help me. And then there was just this such a defining line in the sand where people were like, I'm here to help and other people were like, you're a fucking shit mom.

[Kleigha]: 12:05

Yeah.

[Carter]: 12:06

And it made me so angry because like 99% of the people who were like, I'm here to help and I'm here to help. people would never,

[Kleigha]: 12:12

probably don't even have to him.

[Carter]: 12:12

ever in a million years say it in your face. Say it to your

[Kleigha]: 12:15

Exactly.

[Carter]: 12:15

face, let alone you know like the fact that yeah you're probably right. A lot of them probably don't have kids and they're just on the internet just spreading hate because they're probably just sad within themselves and they're

[Kleigha]: 12:28

Yeah.

[Carter]: 12:28

probably quite jealous of you for being brave enough to reach out in such a vulnerable moment and ask for help.

[Kleigha]: 12:35

Yeah.

[Carter]: 12:35

So I definitely commend you for that.

[Kleigha]: 12:37

Thank you.

[Carter]: 12:37

It was very inspiring to me, of the reason why I wanted to reach out to you and learn more about you as a mum. So you say that your two-year-old is non-verbal, so that's

[Kleigha]: 12:48

Okay.

[Carter]: 12:49

um is it non-verbal as in he's on the spectrum or is

[Kleigha]: 12:53

We're not sure yet.

[Carter]: 12:53

there something else? Okay.

[Kleigha]: 12:55

Yeah, so we have our appointment set up for, it's called like early intervention here in this state.

[Carter]: 13:00

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 13:01

And unfortunately the wait is just so long. So we have, which was another funny thing, so many people commented like, teach him how to talk. I'm like, ah, why didn't I think of that?

[Carter]: 13:10

Hehehe.

[Kleigha]: 13:12

Like, God.

[Carter]: 13:13

Thank you. Bye.

[Kleigha]: 13:15

Or they'll tell, or they're like, enroll him in speech therapy and we have done that. And we've like, we have started that process, but the wait between the referral and the actual appointment months, like a month. So our appointment is in May and we're very excited to start that,

[Carter]: 13:24

Yeah.

[Kleigha]: 13:28

but I was like, I know that already. I need like, what else can I do on top of that before that? Because yeah, the overstimulation for me was, and it's, I know it's not his fault. Like I know that he's not like some rude kid that's like, haha, I want to annoy my mom and like make the driver crazy with my sounds. He just wants to be able to talk. Like he's so frustrated because he can't say whatever it is that he wants to.

[Carter]: 13:52

Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 13:53

that that also then triggers me and I need to like that's my job to control that. I need to figure out how to do that myself. That's not his job. So I wanted to... I just

[Carter]: 14:01

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 14:04

wanted all the help of whatever I could do to help.

[Carter]: 14:08

Yeah, definitely. And you yourself your diagnosed 80 HD, correct?

[Kleigha]: 14:13

Yeah, I'm diagnosed ADHD and I have in the last like year, I suspect that I might be on the spectrum myself, which now I've also started the process of, I did the RADS, which I know isn't a diagnosis, but my number was definitely way higher than I thought it would be. So now I'm starting the process of seeing

[Carter]: 14:30

Yeah.

[Kleigha]: 14:32

if I also am on the spectrum or not. I'm not sure if I'm on the spectrum, but I'm not sure if I'm on the spectrum.

[Carter]: 14:35

Yeah, and are you medicated for your ADHD? May I

[Kleigha]: 14:38

I am starting last week, which I also have a doctor's appointment.

[Carter]: 14:38

ask?

[Kleigha]: 14:42

So I was on medication for it growing up. I did very poorly in school without medication. Like I couldn't even make it through the day without just like it being a disaster.

[Carter]: 14:52

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 14:52

And then once I got into high school, I made the decision on my own to not continue being on medicine and I did graduate, but it was like, I had to work very, very hard to get bare minimum, like just barely passing grades. My mental health had started to dip and I felt like I was struggling a lot with just like everyday things, upkeep of the house and like at that time we only had two dogs. It's not like in a two bedroom apartment. It wasn't like some extravagant thing that you know what I mean? So I got back on medication and was doing great and then we decided that we wanted to start family and I didn't want to be on my medication while I was pregnant and breastfeeding. And so then I had a break while we had our babies.

[Carter]: 15:34

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 15:38

that I'm done breastfeeding, I'm going to start getting back on my medication, which I think will help.

[Carter]: 15:44

Yeah, awesome. As far as your mental health goes, your husband is your husband currently deployed or is he home?

[Kleigha]: 15:52

Yep, no, he's deployed right now.

[Carter]: 15:54

He's deployed. Okay. And as far as your mental health goes, how much of an impact does your husband leaving for I presume months

[Kleigha]: 16:03

huge. Yeah.

[Carter]: 16:03

on months on end? It would I can't even imagine, you know, I work night shift, it's a 12 hour shift and I made I have like the cameras to the internet so I look at my kids while I'm at work at

[Kleigha]: 16:18

Right.

[Carter]: 16:18

night so I can't even imagine how hard it must be for not only you but your husband as well

[Kleigha]: 16:23

Yeah.

[Carter]: 16:25

to just sacrifice so much and miss out on so much of seeing his kids grow up.

[Kleigha]: 16:30

Yeah, and it's such like, it's such a pivotal moment.

[Carter]: 16:31

It's...

[Kleigha]: 16:32

Like kids grow like in those younger years, they change so much in such a short period of time, right? Like, that's gonna be crazy when he comes back.

[Carter]: 16:39

Yeah. So how long has he been gone?

[Kleigha]: 16:44

He left at the end of November of last year, and he'll be back within a year of that timeframe.

[Carter]: 16:48

Okay. Okay, so it's generally around a year

[Kleigha]: 16:55

Yeah. Well, then I think if you send people or if you send soldiers for more than a year,

[Carter]: 16:55

that he's gone all within the year.

[Kleigha]: 17:01

then their family can go with them so they make it so it's just shy of that.

[Carter]: 17:07

Save some money.

[Kleigha]: 17:09

for us! Yeah, yeah.

[Carter]: 17:10

Typical government stuff. Yeah, right. So November, so that's about six months. Gone.

[Kleigha]: 17:33

Well he'll be, it'll probably be closer to I think 10.

[Carter]: 17:38

I mean from then till now.

[Kleigha]: 17:40

Oh, till now, like that's how long he's been going up.

[Carter]: 17:41

Yeah, yeah about six months. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I can't imagine it.

[Kleigha]: 17:48

Yes, it's crazy. He was always great about doing the kids bit timer teens. I think that's where like I've struggled the most is because he's such a night owl. So if the kids woke up in the night,

[Carter]: 17:56

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm

[Kleigha]: 17:58

he, well, unless the night's he was working obviously not, but on the weekends, or the days that he didn't work the next day, if the kids were waking up, he typically would get up with them and do what needed to be done. And that is what I miss probably the most.

[Carter]: 18:13

Yeah,

[Kleigha]: 18:13

Having a tag team partner to do that.

[Carter]: 18:13

certainly. Yeah, so you've got two and it's by yourself. So

[Kleigha]: 18:20

Yeah.

[Carter]: 18:20

what I said before about going from two to three is a big change. It probably wouldn't be that much of a change for you if you had him home. It'd be about the same.

[Kleigha]: 18:28

I'm in training right now.

[Carter]: 18:28

You'd still be... Yeah, that's it. That's it. So for your... For the... Blah blah blah. Sorry. For your two years. Let me start again. Fuck's sake.

[Kleigha]: 18:43

story.

[Carter]: 18:47

So both babies

[Kleigha]: 18:49

Thank you. Bye.

[Carter]: 18:49

run me through pregnancy and birth. If you're happy

[Kleigha]: 18:53

Yeah.

[Carter]: 18:53

to do that, is there a good journey there, bad journey? Give me all the dirt.

[Kleigha]: 18:59

So with my son, we intentionally conceived him. It took about eight months, but the birth control that I was on, your body has to like regulate it out after. So it was within like what would be considered a normal time period.

[Carter]: 19:10

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 19:12

I kind of overstressed for a little bit. I just was like, I was a little bit cocky and I thought I would just get pregnant right away, which is silly. Don't recommend that to anybody.

[Carter]: 19:19

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 19:21

It's a totally unrealistic expectation that women, and I mean, probably men who were excited to have babies do too, but it just like, fun out of it and it's an unrealistic expectation that then leads you to being sad and you don't like, that's not fun. So we got pregnant and everything was fine until my stupid gestational

[Carter]: 19:37

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 19:42

diabetes test and I failed and I had gestational diabetes. I had it with both pregnancies, unfortunately. And with my son I was able to control it with diet and very minimum exercise.

[Carter]: 19:50

Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 19:57

I don't really like exercise. It's not a thing I really like to do. I know I should but I don't like it. So yeah, I was able to manage it with him. I had to eat three scrambled eggs before well They didn't have to be scrambled but I had to eat three eggs before bed every single night at like nine or ten o'clock to like avoid needing insulin I really hate needles and then unfortunately with my daughter

[Carter]: 20:18

Hmm?

[Kleigha]: 20:21

I couldn't keep it diet controlled so I did end up needing the insulin needles So my husband was also my doctor for months because he had to I couldn't do it myself stab me in the arm every time. And with my son I had to get induced because of my

[Carter]: 20:31

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 20:35

gestational diabetes and everything went fine. We had a normal vaginal delivery. We did get an infection and we needed antibiotics so we had to stay there an extra day but other than that everything went smoothly. And with my

[Carter]: 20:47

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 20:50

daughter, my husband and I one night were like, you know, maybe we want to start trying for a second baby. And like that would be kind of cool maybe And this time, well, I had, sorry, backtracking here, ADHD moment. So we had my son.

[Carter]: 21:04

That's all right.

[Kleigha]: 21:06

And then when he was about six months old, I fell pregnant and had an ectopic pregnancy. And so that would have been in August of 2021. And while that happened, or just before we had figured, we had saw that I had a positive pregnancy test, but then my husband had to go away for training for a month in like the desert forest. talk to him, he had no phone, no nothing was like, we call it playing camping, he hates when we say that, but I think it's very funny. And so while he was gone, we

[Carter]: 21:39

Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 21:41

unfortunately figured out that this pregnancy was ectopic and I had to have surgery to have it removed, and I had to make all these decisions with him gone,

[Carter]: 21:47

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 21:48

and I couldn't even like talk to him or like consult him or get him to me and like not that I needed permission or anything, but just to be like, hey oh my god this is what's happening and you're the one person that obviously I want to talk to and I can't. So my mom flew here from Canada to take care of my son so that I could go have surgery and everything was fine. I got to keep both my tubes luckily, which for a lot of people isn't the case.

[Carter]: 22:13

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 22:14

And so then after that, I was definitely, I would say traumatized. Like it was pretty traumatizing going through it by myself. And so I was scared to get pregnant again after that for a while. And it was like a very touchy, subject and so then this was like where this moment now where we're like maybe we do want to try for a second baby is like Oh my god moment because we had gone through this prior to the sectopic pregnancy and so we you know try to make a baby whatever and we're hanging out and Then I like think for a second and I'm like and I didn't communicate this to my husband This was all internal dialogue, but I was like I think that I'm late right now And I was like if I go take a pregnancy test right now and it's positive I'm not gonna be able to sleep So I just made myself go to sleep? I didn't find out. And then the next morning, one of my husband went to work. Actually, he might not have even been at work, but then I took a test and it was positive right away and I was already pregnant. So that one happened way faster than we had expected.

[Carter]: 23:14

Mm-hmm. Yeah, well.

[Kleigha]: 23:19

And which is hilarious because her delivery was about the same. So well, I got diabetes, but other than that, the pregnancy was totally fine. And towards the end, I had gotten my membranes swept was like I think three days before my due date where I was going to have to get induced again because of my diabetes. And I was really, I really wanted to have a labor start naturally and not go through the induction. I knew I was getting the epidural because I got the epidural with my induction and that was great, loved that. So my labor had sort of started but wasn't consistent. And I had went in once because I thought my water had broken, but it hadn't. And then another time I went in prior to that my contractions were three minutes apart dilated enough so they sent me home and I was very very very mad at them for that. Very mad. But I did go home and I didn't have her until a day later so they were wrong. Like they were right. But I was just hanging out in my room doing like laboring. I was using the comb trick. You

[Carter]: 24:14

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 24:20

like hold combs in your hand and it just like I don't know changes your brain to thinking about whatever to something else. And I was watching Naked and Afraid. I don't know why but that's

[Carter]: 24:27

Mm-hmm. Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 24:32

helps humble me if I'm like having a hard time, cause I'm like, at least I'm not naked in Nicaragua with like mosquito bites all over my body. It just, I don't know, it's very weird. But so I was watching Naked and Frayed in labor and it finally was kind of getting to the point where I was like, okay, I think I need my husband to kind of come because he was just gaming. So I was like, I'm just hanging out, like I'm fine, you are my own,

[Carter]: 24:50

Thank you. Bye.

[Kleigha]: 24:51

and I'll let you know when I need you.

[Carter]: 24:53

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 24:54

And so then I was like, hey, I think I need you to come and like put some counter pressure on my back cause I was having back labor. He's like, cool, I'm just gonna say goodbye and then I'll come in and I'm like, okay, cool. and then my water breaks. And at this point I had already anticipated that it might happen and I didn't want to make a mess so I was already wearing one of my super cool grown-up diapers. And so then we tossed everything in the car and as soon as my water broke my contractions went to one minute apart. And my water broke at midnight and the hospital was about a half an hour away on the Army base

[Carter]: 25:20

Yeah, well, yeah.

[Kleigha]: 25:26

and my baby was delivered at 1246. I could have had her in the car, but I did not know. I didn't realize that so the whole ride there I couldn't sit down. I had to like prop my butt off of the chair and that didn't clue into me that my baby was like going to come out of my body very, very, very soon.

[Carter]: 25:48

Yeah, really

[Kleigha]: 25:48

So yeah, so we pulled into the hospital and he runs ahead and I'm like slowly hobbling

[Carter]: 25:49

low.

[Kleigha]: 25:58

through the emergency. Well, I wasn't even at the doors yet. wheeled me in to like once I got a wheelchair, I was already throwing up because I was already in transition now at this point, which I did not know. And they basically pulled my pants off, checked how dilated I was, and then turned me over onto the gurney and I was pushing and she was out like about 10 minutes later. So I'd oh and I was screaming for the epidural

[Carter]: 26:22

Yeah, wild.

[Kleigha]: 26:23

the whole time and the doctors were looking at my husband like, like you could tell they

[Carter]: 26:25

Haha, it's a bit late.

[Kleigha]: 26:32

it'll feel better and I remember looking at her like, are you crazy? Like I- and she was right, but at the time I just- and with my son I pushed for two hours so I just- I figured I had more time but my- and I can already tell she's gonna be a spitfire of a child because she was like, no I'm coming right now. So, so I didn't get enough of her at all.

[Carter]: 26:50

Yeah. Well. So both babies were healthy upon

[Kleigha]: 26:57

っ

[Carter]: 26:57

delivery, no issues apart from the infection.

[Kleigha]: 27:01

Yep.

[Carter]: 27:02

Yeah. Well, I reckon if my wife was to be talking to you right now, she'd probably tell you to get fucked because all three of our deliveries were fucking horrible.

[Kleigha]: 27:14

on.

[Carter]: 27:16

Yeah. I've already gone into it a little bit in previous episodes, but

[Kleigha]: 27:20

No, I'm just gonna check that out.

[Carter]: 27:20

I'm going to do, I think I'm going to do a 10th episode special so she can really go through everything that happened because that's...

[Kleigha]: 27:28

Trauma is a real thing. I mean, like not that I ever thought it wasn't,

[Carter]: 27:30

Yeah, and...

[Kleigha]: 27:32

but like not enough people know about Burr's trauma and how much it affects people. I'm sorry.

[Carter]: 27:38

Yeah, definitely. And not only for mother, but

[Kleigha]: 27:42

Yeah, yeah, that's what I was gonna say to the family.

[Carter]: 27:42

for dad as well. Like, yeah, just so you know, first baby was born shoulder dystocia, vaginal birth, born unresponsive and wife hemorrhaged.

[Kleigha]: 27:58

Thank you. Thank you.

[Carter]: 27:59

So that was my first experience of fatherhood was holding my baby after they'd worked on her for And then looking over and seeing my wife like bleeding out and projectile vomiting all over the hospital staff.

[Kleigha]: 28:15

right

[Carter]: 28:16

And it was a lot to deal with. My second baby was emergency seizure. Another hemorrhage for mum. And then he was rushed to NICU at 16 hours old to undergo like emergency surgery because he had a twisted bowel. So they were like, you know, there's a chance that his bowel could be partially dead or fully dead.

[Kleigha]: 28:37

great.

[Carter]: 28:39

dead, we'll try our best to cut that part of the bow out and he'll live with a stone and a colostomy bag for his whole life. If it's fully dead then it's probably not viable, uh, viable, yeah viable and

[Kleigha]: 28:49

you

[Carter]: 28:50

he'll most likely pass. He won't survive the, he won't survive without a bow obviously.

[Kleigha]: 28:55

great.

[Carter]: 28:56

We were very, very lucky, we were in the kind of smaller percentage that everything was still okay and we caught it quick enough for it to be repaired. So they basically and rearrange them and put them back in. And

[Kleigha]: 29:12

All right.

[Carter]: 29:12

he's all good now.

[Kleigha]: 29:13

Great. Great.

[Carter]: 29:14

He just has a little scar on his belly. So that was very lucky. And then our third baby was born via emergency C-section under general anesthetic because my wife had seven epidurals and none of them worked. And she could still lift her legs and feel everything. Yeah, and she has an acute fear of needles because of, well, just in general, she has an acute fear of needles,

[Kleigha]: 29:38

Yup.

[Carter]: 29:39

the first birth, we had a really horrible and what's it

[Kleigha]: 29:45

and it's easy all just...

[Carter]: 29:45

called? Anesthetiologist, yeah.

[Kleigha]: 29:48

no.

[Carter]: 29:49

And she was like stabbing my wife in the back, not even where her spine was. And then my wife was like screaming for her to stop and she gave us attitude and all of this. So she had some pretty bad trauma around that.

[Kleigha]: 30:02

and milk.

[Carter]: 30:03

So to get stabbed like seven times and have a what the fuck's going on. I don't know why this isn't working. They're like, we're gonna have to put her to sleep. So they put her to sleep. And you know, what generally is around 45 minutes to get baby out and stitch mama ended up being around five hours. And she lost like over three litres of blood and was pretty close to not being with us anymore. So

[Kleigha]: 30:30

Thank you. Thank you.

[Carter]: 30:30

yeah, none of it was straightforward. All of it was pretty,

[Kleigha]: 30:33

Oh my gosh, I can imagine.

[Carter]: 30:33

pretty all, yeah, pretty all over the place. Yeah. So So I mean congratulations on having your two healthy babies

[Kleigha]: 30:41

You're like so much for your nice birth.

[Carter]: 30:41

but also fuck you. Yeah

[Kleigha]: 30:45

I would have rather had diabetes.

[Carter]: 30:45

straight up. Well my wife for the first one had what's it called? Where your ankles swell up real bad.

[Kleigha]: 30:57

No.

[Carter]: 30:59

I can't remember it for the life of me.

[Kleigha]: 31:01

Are there any clamps? Yeah, is that what it is? No.

[Carter]: 31:02

Pretty clamsy,

[Kleigha]: 31:03

Is that?

[Carter]: 31:03

yes, that's the one.

[Kleigha]: 31:04

I'm a doctor.

[Carter]: 31:04

Yeah, so she had that for the first and the third and they had also thought that it was gestational diabetes as well, but

[Kleigha]: 31:13

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

[Carter]: 31:14

that was never officially diagnosed. So yeah, that's my birth stories,

[Kleigha]: 31:19

Yeah, oh my god, that's traumatizing for everybody.

[Carter]: 31:20

vastly different to yours, but I mean,

[Kleigha]: 31:23

I mean, ugh.

[Carter]: 31:23

yeah, that's it. But you

[Kleigha]: 31:25

So are you guys gonna have more?

[Carter]: 31:25

know, everyone's happy and healthy now. on four.

[Kleigha]: 31:30

Thank you. Bye.

[Carter]: 31:31

But after all of those three births and her almost dying, I just feel like

[Kleigha]: 31:36

Yeah, no, that's fair to be considered.

[Carter]: 31:38

we're still undecided at the

[Kleigha]: 31:39

Right.

[Carter]: 31:40

moment. We're like, no, we're not going to have four, but I'm also not allowed to get a vasectomy just yet.

[Kleigha]: 31:45

I was just gonna say, when people ask me, I'm like, well, I got birth control, back on birth control, immediately, well, so the original plan was that I was going to have the Marina placed, which is like, you know, the little T birth control,

[Carter]: 31:57

Yep.

[Kleigha]: 31:57

because my plan was that I was going to get an epidural with my second, because my epidural with my first went great, they did a great job, and I also really don't, well, I'm better about needles now, but getting the epidural was something that was like, I was very, very, very scared to do, but my number one fear actually was having a baby with no epidural. sucks to be you mom. My kids love me. But yeah, I just was, I was so terrified to not get it.

[Carter]: 32:17

Thank you. Bye.

[Kleigha]: 32:25

And then yeah, they're just there. There was I told my husband, I was like, if we did have another one, then I'm just going to labor in the parking lot of the hospital. So because I mean, I've heard they come faster and faster each time, typically. I don't know how you can be faster than 46 minutes. So, but yeah, I told my husband, I was like,

[Carter]: 32:38

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 32:45

to me for my husband yet, however, and he thought he wanted five, which I knew when we got together, I used to laugh and tease him all the time. I'm like, yeah, until we have one, maybe two, and you're gonna change your mind, which is exactly what happened. I'm sorry.

[Carter]: 32:58

My wife wanted 10 when we

[Kleigha]: 33:00

moment.

[Carter]: 33:00

got together. She wanted a football team.

[Kleigha]: 33:03

Oh.

[Carter]: 33:05

I never really wanted kids until I met my wife.

[Kleigha]: 33:09

Right.

[Carter]: 33:10

I just had to meet the right one and then I was like, yeah, I definitely want to have babies with you for sure.

[Kleigha]: 33:14

Right.

[Carter]: 33:15

At least practice as much as possible anyway. But yeah, I was like, she wants 10. I kind of settled on two. I would have been happy with two.

[Kleigha]: 33:26

Yeah.

[Carter]: 33:27

do three and we always agreed for three and then after two I was like maybe four four would be all right because you after a while you forget about the trauma a little bit and you just

[Kleigha]: 33:38

We do.

[Carter]: 33:38

it's rose tinted glasses and you miss the smell of the babies and you

[Kleigha]: 33:41

Thank you.

[Carter]: 33:42

want to smell that intoxicating scent again

[Kleigha]: 33:45

Yeah.

[Carter]: 33:46

um so I guarantee in another six to twelve months I'm going to get clucky as all fuck again and and

[Kleigha]: 33:51

I know I'm nervous. I'm like, hopefully.

[Carter]: 33:51

be like let's have let's have another little baby

[Kleigha]: 33:55

Yeah, I got the five year birth control. So I'm like, you know,

[Carter]: 33:59

Ha ha.

[Kleigha]: 34:01

but if we did decide to have one more, I think that I would feel like, not that we have to, but I feel like I would rather it would either have to be two or four. Because if I had like, because if we did have another one, it would be like in a couple of years. And so then I would want them to have a sibling that's probably not as close as

[Carter]: 34:15

Yep.

[Kleigha]: 34:18

my first two. That was a little crazy. but closish in age.

[Carter]: 34:23

Yeah, that's what my wife always thought as well. She never wanted to have an odd number of children because everyone has to have their buddy.

[Kleigha]: 34:32

I don't want that.

[Carter]: 34:32

Yeah,

[Kleigha]: 34:33

I'm just standing up for too many fights

[Carter]: 34:33

yeah.

[Kleigha]: 34:34

and I don't want to deal with that.

[Carter]: 34:36

Yeah, she always thought, you know, like if it's an odd number, you've got the one that's always just gonna be a bit weird. And

[Kleigha]: 34:42

Yep.

[Carter]: 34:42

I'm one of three, so I think I'm the weird one.

[Kleigha]: 34:45

Oh.

[Carter]: 34:47

But I'm like, well, if you think that, why did you marry me? I am the weird one. She's like, yeah, fair enough. She's one of four.

[Kleigha]: 34:57

Oh yeah.

[Carter]: 34:59

But yeah, I mean, we'll see what happens. We never know what the future holds.

[Kleigha]: 35:01

Yeah, I'm not gonna make a for, I can't make a for sure decision, but I did start to sell some of our baby stuff. Like, if we do have another one, then we'll just get new stuff.

[Carter]: 35:11

Yeah, very good. So now that you've got the two, you're on your birth control, you've had your little mentee bees, what's your mental health currently at now? What's your level?

[Kleigha]: 35:26

Currently it's a lot better after reaching out for help and getting like so much help just not like just online with like advice and ideas and then I also I think it was the day was it the day I posted the video. I think it was the day I posted or the day before I reached out to my best friends mom so my best my best friend that does live in this state. She lives about an hour and a half away ish but her mom whom I love lives about 15 minutes away. And so I've always had her, which is another thing where people are like, reach out to

[Carter]: 35:56

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 35:59

your village and like, I have a lot smaller of a village than I would have if I stayed home, but I do have people that are close by, but I'm so bad at asking for help.

[Carter]: 36:07

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 36:07

And so after I'd taken that video, I did decide to reach out to my best friend's mom and had asked her if she could take my kids for the day. And she actually took, once she took my son for a day overnight and then overnight again. And I had my daughter for the first night, which was nice because her and I haven't had any one on one time. Probably since I was in the hospital with her. and then she took my daughter as well for the second night, which I ended up getting sick. So it's not like I could enjoy it, but I was able to be sick without having to mom at the same time and that was amazing to actually just be able to be able to relax

[Carter]: 36:40

Yeah.

[Kleigha]: 36:41

and not deal with screaming for just more than like the only time I'm sleeping. So it was a very nice reset and then my mom actually came out, I think four days later, which did also play a part in why it took me extra long to ask for help because I knew my mom was about to be there. And so I was having a hard time

[Carter]: 36:59

Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 37:00

and I was like, there's only like three or four days left and then your mom's gonna be here, you're gonna get a break and everything's gonna be fine. Like do you really need to reach out and ask for help right now? Or can you push through? And it was okay that I couldn't push through and I needed help sooner than that. And that's just like where I,

[Carter]: 37:15

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 37:16

it took me a second to figure that out rather than that it's okay to just ask for help rather than pushing yourself past your own limits when you do have resources.

[Carter]: 37:24

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 37:26

that luxury I know and I just I can't imagine not having anybody to be able to call for help in moments like that or like single moms who are by themselves and working and have more kids than I do and I'm just like oh my gosh like I have a lot more men DBs for sure

[Carter]: 37:47

Yeah, definitely. I think as far as, you know, people not having anyone to reach out to it may be the case for a lot of people, they don't have anyone that they know personally to reach out to but there are always things available, you know, you've always got help lines and everything like that. I'm not sure of what the help lines are in America, but we have, you know, Lifeline and Beyond Blue here. And they are absolutely amazing resources. advocate for therapy and

[Kleigha]: 38:18

feel.

[Carter]: 38:19

going to a psych or anything like that are you currently in therapy or are you looking at doing that?

[Kleigha]: 38:25

So I've done therapy a couple times and I'm actually sad because my therapist that I had when I was in Florida was great But because it's on the other side of the country my insurance doesn't continue to cover her because I moved So I have to start over again, which is always like like sucks

[Carter]: 38:39

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 38:42

But I am getting back into therapy as well as seeing a psychologist about my ADHD

[Carter]: 38:43

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 38:49

To like I said like better prepare myself and I tell people all the time like therapy has already saved

[Carter]: 38:50

Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 38:55

my marriage on a couple of counts in terms of like when I first moved away from my family, my mental health was probably in one of the worst places it's ever been. Like I just, I grew up in such a small town and was surrounded by so many people that I knew all my life to moving to the other side of the country where there's no one I know. Um, and I had no car either yet at this time because I, we didn't know if I was actually going to marry this man or if I was just going on a vacation with a cool guy for a couple months and it actually wasn't going to work out or not. And no, we did get married a year later.

[Carter]: 39:26

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 39:29

But yeah, so I did do therapy, whereas in Florida, and it helps every time it helps me so, so much. Like, honestly, I think everyone should go to therapy, even if you think you don't need to, because everyone needs to go to therapy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Carter]: 39:43

Yeah, 100%. I've

[Kleigha]: 39:45

Thank you.

[Carter]: 39:45

already said this in a previous podcast, but I liken therapy to it's like going to the gym, but for your mind, you know,

[Kleigha]: 39:54

Exactly.

[Carter]: 39:54

you go to the gym to keep your body healthy.

[Kleigha]: 39:56

Subkeep.

[Carter]: 39:56

And you need to, yeah, you need to go go have a chat about your feelings, even if you don't think you need to.

[Kleigha]: 40:04

Yep.

[Carter]: 40:06

So as far as your therapist that you got along well with goes,

[Kleigha]: 40:10

Yeah.

[Carter]: 40:11

was there ever a possibility of you like doing zoo meetings with them or is that something

[Kleigha]: 40:16

right.

[Carter]: 40:16

that that they just they just won't cover it for insurance?

[Kleigha]: 40:20

Yeah, and it's so dumb because the insurance is called TriCare, but there's TriCare East and TriCare West. And so because I was on the East one and now I'm on the West one, it's just like not transferable to the other side

[Carter]: 40:30

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 40:34

of the stupid conch. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's stupid.

[Carter]: 40:37

It's unfortunate. It's really, really hard to find a therapist that you can actually bond with and get along with.

[Kleigha]: 40:43

And it takes a couple tries sometimes to find one.

[Carter]: 40:44

I've been in therapy. It really does. I've been in therapy in and out my whole life, and I've probably seen, you know, 15 to 20 different therapists over

[Kleigha]: 40:56

We're safe.

[Carter]: 40:56

the years. And it's not until the latest therapist that I've had for the last couple of years, luckily through my work,

[Kleigha]: 41:04

me.

[Carter]: 41:05

I get free therapy just due to the the kind of work that I do.

[Kleigha]: 41:09

I do too, thanks to my husband, thank goodness.

[Carter]: 41:12

Yeah, yeah, so I can see her whenever I want pretty much and she is great. She provided me with all of these tools that I didn't have to kind of deal with my own mental health.

[Kleigha]: 41:25

right.

[Carter]: 41:25

And she really put me on this journey of self discovery and that's part of the reason why I now have my ADHD and autism diagnosis. It all started with her. So yeah, she's been great. I can't, I really can't advocate enough not only for therapy but to If you have a therapist and you don't gel with them, don't give up. Just

[Kleigha]: 41:49

Yes, that deters so many people.

[Carter]: 41:49

keep trying and find that person Yeah, see I've had therapists that have like blamed me for things I've had therapists that are like you should do yoga or you should just try meditating

[Kleigha]: 42:03

for a walk and you're like, oh my gosh,

[Carter]: 42:03

or

[Kleigha]: 42:05

if one more person tells me that.

[Carter]: 42:06

Yeah. I'd, yeah, I had one person like tell me to convert to Buddhism. I've had one tell me to,

[Kleigha]: 42:16

Thank you. Thank you.

[Carter]: 42:16

you know, find Jesus again because I have a lot of.

[Kleigha]: 42:19

comments too on my video.

[Carter]: 42:21

Yeah, we won't get into religion

[Kleigha]: 42:24

Yeah.

[Carter]: 42:24

because that's an entire podcast on its

[Kleigha]: 42:27

Yeah, it is.

[Carter]: 42:27

own. But I have a lot of trauma surrounding being brought up as a Catholic. So, you know, finding Jesus again was never going to be an option for me.

[Kleigha]: 42:38

No.

[Carter]: 42:38

So yeah, a lot of therapists really, really, they push their own personal agenda. And those people suck and don't go see them. Just keep going and finding the one that suits you best. get you. And my therapist has been through a lot of the stuff that I went through as a kid and growing up. So her and I just gelled straight away.

[Kleigha]: 42:59

great.

[Carter]: 43:00

And almost like a trauma bond, I guess, but in a more professional manner.

[Kleigha]: 43:06

Yeah.

[Carter]: 43:08

So now that you've kind of you're back on track and you're looking to the future and you're promoting good mental health within yourself, what does your that you've put in place to ensure you don't overflow and keep up with some self-care and everything like that.

[Kleigha]: 43:29

Well, I stayed in a Hobbit house the night before last. Fun fact.

[Carter]: 43:35

A Hobbit

[Kleigha]: 43:35

Yes, so my best friend and I, I know right?

[Carter]: 43:35

House. Are you in New Zealand currently?

[Kleigha]: 43:40

I was like, what are the odds? So my best friend and I, it was our friend-aversary the day before yesterday. And so my mom had come and we had planned our trip around when my mom would be in town,

[Carter]: 43:48

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 43:51

so that both of our moms could take our kids. There's this app here called Hip Camp, and they find you all these really cool camping spots. or like, yurts or tents or tree houses and I found an actual hobbit house that these people made. It's like a little Airbnb in the back of their yard and it's a full-on little hobbit house with a little futon and table and chairs and a little campfire outside. That's it. And I was like, this is the coolest freaking thing ever. I love Lord of the Rings. Do you want to stay in a hobbit house with me? And I accidentally only booked it for one night instead of two. So that's why we're in a hotel room now because I messed up.

[Carter]: 44:26

Hmm.

[Kleigha]: 44:29

and so this has been my mental health reset of, and we were actually saying, like we should try to do this, like I don't mean, I know it's not feasible for everybody, but we were like every three months or so, it would be so nice to just to be able to do this and get away from our guys as much as we love our children, to get away from them for like a day and another day is just so nice. And like we got to actually go and sit for coffee and go in a bookstore and we didn't have boogers on us or children crying or like it was just, It's been really nice.

[Carter]: 45:03

So your bestie's there with you at the moment, is she?

[Kleigha]: 45:05

Yeah.

[Carter]: 45:07

Hi, bestie.

[Kleigha]: 45:08

You want to say hi? I can say hi. Oh, she'll come peek over and say hi.

[Carter]: 45:12

Awesome, yeah, I'd

[Kleigha]: 45:13

I got too excited.

[Carter]: 45:13

love to hear from you.

[Kleigha]: 45:14

I thought I was like, I thought I was scheduling us

[Carter]: 45:17

Hi, how you going?

[Kleigha]: 45:18

after I was back, but I was like, this is the perfect opportunity where I'm in a room where my kids aren't here too. And I was like, this will be nice. So I've been really excited.

[Carter]: 45:26

Awesome. Beautiful. And how long have you guys been friends?

[Kleigha]: 45:31

Um, exactly a year. And two days. And two days, yeah.

[Carter]: 45:34

Awesome and she is close to you or in Canada

[Kleigha]: 45:39

She's here, so she's my best friend whose mom came and took my kids, so she lives about an hour and a half from me.

[Carter]: 45:43

Yeah. Okay.

[Kleigha]: 45:46

And her son is, her birthday is coming up in a couple days here, so our sons are only about three months apart in age.

[Carter]: 45:53

Awesome, how did you guys meet?

[Kleigha]: 45:55

We were both military wives and we were, I think we were commenting in a Facebook group about babysitting and we were making really dumb jokes. No! Wasn't that what we were doing? I commented that my due date was March 28th. Oh, our due dates were similar. And I was like, I just want friends with like similar due dates because I want friends with kids around me. And I was like, pick me! And then we started making fun of the same people for the same things. Yeah. And then we just realized we were the same person.

[Carter]: 46:24

Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 46:25

Yeah. Yeah, we bonded over.

[Carter]: 46:27

Awesome.

[Kleigha]: 46:27

There was a lady who made like a, oh, it was the lady who posted about being a babysitter, but she was not a nice lady. Like everyone who commented, she kept like being mean to them. And we did not engage in this, but we were just like kind of behind the scenes like, oh my gosh, could you imagine someone actually hiring this like mean lady to like watch their kids? And then we ended up meeting up at a children's museum for a play date. And we basically fell in love at first sight because we were hilarious and now we're inseparable.

[Carter]: 46:59

Ha ha.

[Kleigha]: 47:00

We've been friends on social media. We had each other on Facebook and Instagram for probably like a year before we, a year and a half maybe even before we actually hung out. Well, no, because then our kids would have been already born when we met. Well, they were born when we met, but we were already halfway through our pregnancies when we were... No, I posted about being due pretty early. I was only 10 weeks because I had just found out Keith was a boy. So that would have been August of 2020. Yeah, but I didn't even live here. yet. So I moved here in August of 2021 or no sorry I moved in I moved here in

[Carter]: 47:28

Thank you. Thank you.

[Kleigha]: 47:34

early September of August 2020 yeah and then we were in a hotel for three months

[Carter]: 47:38

Okay.

[Kleigha]: 47:39

while I was 20 months 20 weeks pregnant with two dogs. It felt like you were 21 spring. It didn't feel like I was 21 spring.

[Carter]: 47:46

Well, yeah, my wife went 34 weeks and yeah, she felt like it was 20 months as well.

[Kleigha]: 47:53

Yeah, I was 41 with my son and I was 39 and 34.

[Carter]: 47:57

What did I say? I said 34. Did I, I said, I meant 43.

[Kleigha]: 48:03

Omeen!

[Carter]: 48:03

I think it was 43 and two. We had, we had, um,

[Kleigha]: 48:07

Oh, you're pretty wet.

[Carter]: 48:08

obstetricians just begging us to,

[Kleigha]: 48:10

Right.

[Carter]: 48:11

to induce, but we were like, nah, we, we are pretty keen for, um, a V back with vaginal birth

[Kleigha]: 48:18

Yeah. Yeah, if I wouldn't have, if I wouldn't have had diabetes, I wouldn't have let them induce me either.

[Carter]: 48:18

after caesarean. Um, but yeah.

[Kleigha]: 48:25

Out of them like, no, he's coming when he's coming. It's not that big of a deal. But the other diabetes freaked me out and I was scared.

[Carter]: 48:29

Yeah. Yeah, so she went to 43 and 2. I believe that was the correct number. I'm not great with numbers,

[Kleigha]: 48:37

Your wife's a badass.

[Carter]: 48:37

so I'm sure she'll... Oh, she is such a badass, dude. You have no idea.

[Kleigha]: 48:43

right up. Did you get her a medal or something? Like...

[Carter]: 48:43

I don't know how she did it. And we... No, but I give her foot rubs pretty often.

[Kleigha]: 48:50

Counts, that counts.

[Carter]: 48:52

It counts, right?

[Kleigha]: 48:53

Yup. The End

[Carter]: 48:53

I give her foot rubs and I sometimes make dinner.

[Kleigha]: 48:58

counts.

[Carter]: 48:59

Yeah. So I mean, the fact that you've, you know, got your bestie there and you're able to refill your refill your cup

[Kleigha]: 49:09

Yeah.

[Carter]: 49:09

is great. It's great to see you smiling when I was first introduced to you via TikTok. You were crying everywhere and

[Kleigha]: 49:15

Yep.

[Carter]: 49:16

broke my heart. So it makes me feel very happy to see that you're you're in a great place at the moment. And I really do hope that you're able to continue on this journey a lot more positive than

[Kleigha]: 49:28

Yeah.

[Carter]: 49:29

what it was when you posted that. So the fact that you had that cry for help and you received all of that help without thinking about all of the hate that you received because fuck those people. Where to from here? What's the next step? I'm

[Kleigha]: 49:41

Great.

[Carter]: 49:41

sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Kleigha]: 49:46

Um, well, my next steps were for me getting, uh, back into therapy and back on medication.

[Carter]: 49:54

Mm-hmm.

[Kleigha]: 49:54

And then for my son, we, I've ordered a couple things. I've been, I want to do the, uh, the pecs boards, but I've seen like there's so many ways to go about them. Like some people actually print their own pictures of everything and then so that their kids can point to what they need. I don't think I'm like my ADHD part of me is like, cool, a new project. is like we're not gonna finish it bitch we're gonna want to finish it and it's never gonna happen so i think i'm just gonna buy one first to see if that works if it doesn't and i need to to do a craft project then i will but i'm gonna try and kind of take the easier way out to start and hope that that works first um this is like that's such a project that i just if i had more help and like

[Carter]: 50:34

Yeah definitely.

[Kleigha]: 50:40

if my well and my mom's here for now but and maybe she can help me and we could do it but yeah just to take on that big of a project to start with. So I want to start with teaching him yes and no, because that's what we don't have yet, and that would really, really help communication-wise. So that's what I'm going, we go back home today, and that's going to be my focus is working on yes and no with my son.

[Carter]: 51:06

Yeah, awesome.

[Kleigha]: 51:07

Yeah.

[Carter]: 51:08

Awesome. Oh, it's great to hear everything's kind of falling into place with you. I would love to do another podcast with you a little

[Kleigha]: 51:15

Yeah. Yeah, I would too.

[Carter]: 51:15

down the track just to check in with you. Perhaps we'll schedule one when your husband's home.

[Kleigha]: 51:21

Sure.

[Carter]: 51:22

So we could even maybe chat to him if he was interested in doing that because I would love to hear his perspective on mental health and everything surrounding that

[Kleigha]: 51:30

Thank you.

[Carter]: 51:30

and how he gets by being gone for so long. But until then. Keep up the good work. Keep the chin up. Keep fighting

[Kleigha]: 51:40

Thank you. Thank you.

[Carter]: 51:40

the good fight. Have more mentee bees if you need. Reach out

[Kleigha]: 51:43

Yep.

[Carter]: 51:43

more if you need.

[Kleigha]: 51:44

Yep.

[Carter]: 51:44

Just leave it out in the open and don't let the haters get to you, mate. Thank you so, so much for joining me today. I really

[Kleigha]: 51:50

Thank you for having me.

[Carter]: 51:51

appreciate it. Oh, you're more than welcome, mate, any time. And thank you for Bestie popping in and saying g'day and giving a little bit of her perspective on everything. It's been really great. Enjoy, have a good time.

[Kleigha]: 52:05

You too. Thank you so much. Bye.

[Carter]: 52:07

Thank you, see you later.